Wow, this picture makes me look like I have a super farmer’s tan! In real life it does not appear to be quite so pronounced. But it is somewhat there. Which brings up a recent change in clothing habits. During the summer I normally wear female shorts and a male t-shirt. This summer, a few weeks ago, I decided to begin wearing tank tops instead.
It has been a harrowing experience mentally. It has caused my mind to run in circles. This happens with me all of the time. I think I have a grip on who I am and what I do and then I make one tiny little change and whammo I am slammed with super negative voices again! Gosh it gets to be a bit much. Not enough to change my mind about what I chose to wear though.
And all of this, why? Because I hate the crappy tan lines that comes from most of my boy clothes. This is one of my earliest memories that I knew made me a bit different than other males. As a swimmer, I always wore a Speedo suit for workouts and racing. And I loved the tan I was able to get. The other boys never seemed to care. I cared a lot.
As a kid, I wore tank tops all the time and I never felt weird about it at all. Somewhere along the way, I lost who I am. My detour has left me with some nasty internal voices. All I feel I can do about them, besides a self lobotomy, is to prove them wrong.
And that is what happens. I do what I want to. The voices talk shit. I ignore them and prove them wrong.
Simple process. It happens time and time again. My personal hope is that one day the voices will learn and shut up.
Love you!
Listen to your voices.
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