Sunday, August 26, 2018
Outfit - Quite Plain but a Beautiful Compliment
There is nothing special about this outfit. In fact when I wore it I actually had some deodorant spots on it that I hadn't even noticed before leaving the house. But I have been more than a bit busy lately, as you may have heard. I didn't even really want to leave the house, but being as we were just about out of toilet paper, it was a necessity.
I showered after my brief bit of yard work in the morning, tossed on my shorts, a comfy tank, and opted for my taller wedge sandals. There were a few stops I needed to make, as I was making the half hour drive to town I may as well try and take care of several items at the same time. Tequila at the liquor store, get gas, picking up stuff at the storage unit, drop off the recycling, and then to Target for the TP.
It's funny nowadays as the weekends used to be my only time to be me, and now, they are the time I choose to relax, go without the hair, forego makeup, and dress purely for comfort. Okay, maybe not the shoes, but still, I hadn't even shaved this morning. Not that there is much growing, but still. Can we all just agree, I was not at my usual fashionable state?
As I am sure many of you know, I have struggled with a lifetime of insecurities with my choices in clothing and my general appearance, and today was no different. I am getting better at telling the voices to calm the heck down and STFU, however, they are still there.
I am becoming more comfortable with just doing me. Just a few short years ago, I would have never dressed the way I was and go shopping in my actual town. But, I am always a bit on edge, waiting to be attacked. I never have been, but that is the fear. That has always been the fear. I kind of have to force myself to just do me. I smile. I look at people, and smile bigger. I talk with just about everyone that I come into contact with. General chit-chat, small talk, as do most small town country folk are apt to do. The fear never seems to leave though.
Thus when someone from behind me complimented my shoes, it took a few second for it to register that someone was talking to me, and they were being super complimentary. I turned from tossing my purchases into the back of my car to see an adorable blonde woman with a baby strapped across her chest, smiling at my widely and looking at my shoes. She continued, they are such cute shoes, where did you get them?
At times like this, it honestly still feels as though I totally dissociate. I want to respond like a normal human having this totally normal conversation about shoes, but I so frequently feel as though I am frozen, or that I am going to barf, or at the very least I am going to make a tremendous fool out of myself.
I told her that I must have bought them at Famous Footwear or some outlet mall somewhere. She then complimented my calves and asked what I do to keep them looking so good, or if it was just the shoes. I told her that it had to be just working around the house and walking my dog. She said she was impressed because they looked really good. Her friend walked up as I began pushing my empty cart off to a cart caddie and I heard her continue talking about how much she liked my shoes.
And it was totally normal. I was normal. She was normal. It was all just so darn normal. Nothing to see hear folks, walk along now...... But isn't that the beauty of what happened? That it was totally normal? Yes. That is the point. Two totally normal people having a normal conversation about normal things. Yup. That is the point. And it is fabulous. Just amazingly, beautifully, fabulously, normal.
Love being normal.