Friday, February 16, 2018

Outfit - My Usual State

Jeans -Levi:Denizen @ Target
Shoes - New Balance (Arishi) - @ Amazon - @ Famous Footwear
Hat - @ Amazon

Here you see me in my more natural state.  I thought it would be good to finally post up something from how I actually look in a more day to day appearance.  This was inspired by two elements 1 - somebody mentioned to me that they don't ever go out because they don't pass, 2 - I haven't been posting many outfit posts recently because I have not been going "all out" lately. 

Okay so first point - here is a closeup up transgender me:

Is it obvious that I am not attempting to pass?  Now I fully understand that within the transgender spectrum, passing is an important thing, not actually to the people that they are passing to, but rather to the people that are attempting to pass.  So..... I totally get it when we are talking about the people who need to view themselves as who they know they are.  It truly is an amaze-balls experience to finally see yourself as how you know you have always expected to see yourself.  If that makes any sense!  Ha!

But.... if one's concern for passing is for fear of reprisal due to reveal of one's transgender status, then I want to be the one who gently nudges you to seeing the possibility that one can exist in this world as a transgender human.  A human that others see as a transgender human.  For this is personally how I normally appear in, oh, about, 99.9% of my life. 

I will admit that I have figured out how to take a pretty darn nice photo.  But really, that photo is just a small moment in time.  A carefully crafted moment.  The right lighting.  The right angle.  The right lighting.  The right camera.  The right lighting.  The right wig.  The right ligh...... okay, enough already!  Argh!  Point being is that in any given month, before starting HRT, I would normally only dress with a wig and makeup, maybe once or twice in a month.  Now it is even less.  But dressing in some sort of mixed gender presentation, oh well, yeah, that occurs the entire rest of my life.  That happens when I am working in my yard, going hunting, working at my job, going to the grocery store, living my life.

Not passing, is my life. 

I may very well pass when I give it a go.  It is still not 100%.  Certainly not when you actually speak to me.  But honestly passing is irrelevant.  I know how hard that is to understand when you don't have any personal experience with that, but it is what I experience.  Maybe someone can take something from my experience and give it a whirl! 

It's hard.  I get it.  I really do.  Which brings me to point 2.  I have not posted many outfit posts lately because I have not been going all out.  The wigs have been super annoying lately, and so has makeup.  That has not really inspired me to take photos of myself!  Because for me, I do not in any way see anything even remotely feminine in them.  But I'm trying to come to grips with some of my own personal issues, so.... here you go, you get to see the most common form that I take!  Ha! Like a shape shifter or some such shit!  Hahahahahaha!

Keep in mind online realities - these are reflections of real life, and reflections are often distorted.  Not wrong, just a bit different.

Live life.  Observe reality. 

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love hot pink!!


  1. OMG I so identify with this post Nadine. My every day jeans are Gloria Vanderbilt Amanda slim fit from Target or Fred Myer. Tops and shoes similar. Thanks again for all of your posts.
    You comments over the last few months do seem a lot more relaxed.
    Charlene 💕💕.

  2. I admire your gumption in embracing the "mixed-media" style. ;-) While I have a couple of items of female outerwear that I occasionally wear, they are not overtly feminine so there are no issues. My thought on "mixed-media" style dressing is that depending on where, what and how much, you run the risk of hanging a sign on your back that says "I'm Gay - Kick Me" to people who are looking for trouble. At least when you are in somewhat "passing" mode, there is a chance that trouble may indeed pass you by.

    This is not intended to be a criticism of you in any way but as you well know, we do not live in San Francisco or LA and I do come across haters here. But then, perhaps I worry too much... ;-) Just when I think there's progress towards universal acceptance, something always happens to screw that hope up and depress me. Hugs, and I hope that you can sort out your personal issues.