I'm curious, after getting your driver's license did anyone ever ask you, hey, have you ever thought about what might happen if you decide to stop driving? What will happen to you? Have you thought about all of the possible ramifications of continuing to drive? Did you make sure to keep your bike and your bus pass?
How about getting your teeth fixed? Did anyone tell you to be careful of what you were doing when you got braces? Or how about getting a cavity fixed? Did anyone warn you that in a year or two you might change your mind about having that root canal? You know, because maybe instead you decide that you would prefer to go through the daily pain of having rotting teeth stuck in your mouth.
Jules tells me that I have a knack for absurd analogies. I think they are funny. Often the way that I see it is, if you can carry your reasoning into, through, and beyond the absurd, and it stills sounds reasonable, then maybe you have something there. Often people will be able to offer an explanation that works for the small stuff, simply because the small stuff is insignificant, but when you apply it to bigger issues, it falls apart.
Okay, even I now think I am rambling!! The point being that many people have asked me about the ramifications of being on estrogen for the long term. They seem to be very concerned, entirely for my benefits alone, about what being on estrogen will do to my future ability to produce testosterone.
It's a shame that in order to answer this question I need to attempt to predict the future, and I am seriously trying to stop doing that. But I will attempt to put myself out there and say, I can't imagine anything occurring that would ever make me want to stop doing this. I mean really why? Why would I? Why would I want to return to such a dark dreary world filled with angst, anger, irritation, and annoyance?
Here is another analogy, I remember growing up with black and white TV. Maybe my TV was color, but I remember shows like The Andy Grifith Show, that only aired in black and white. Did anybody ever ask you if you thought about making sure that you could go back to a black and white only TV once you bought a color one?
Sound absurd? Maybe, but really that is a fair analogy to how I feel. With estrogen the world is filled with colors of all hues, while for me, the testosterone world is black and white. So, yeah, I suppose that yes I have at least pondered returning to that world and it terrifies me. It fills me with such dread that I am beginning to ponder how to make these changes more permanent.
Seriously. Me and Testosterone did not mix well. I don't want to go back. Ever. I know that I am trying to retire from predicting the future, but I cannot imagine anything that would make me want to go back to living that way.
To actually, directly answer your question, yes I have thought about what will happen if I stop taking estrogen. As far as I have been told, and from what I can research, here are the permanent effects of taking estrogen:
1 - sterility - though ha! I've had a vasectomy, so what the shit do I care?
2 - breast tissue is permanent - though they may deflate some if one chooses to stop taking estrogen. However if you read my last update you will know that my breasts happen to be the exact same size now as they were when I started.
And that is about it. As for most of my friend's concerns, my ability to continue to produce testosterone, that will come back as long as I posses testicles. I'm not stopping the testosterone from being produced, I am stopping it from being absorbed. The difference is that many of my friends are only familiar with stopping the T from being produced from such things as taking steroids. With that, the testosterone producing capabilities can be permanently stopped. For me though, that is a big nope. Which unfortunately also means a lifetime on an anti-androgen, unless I somehow misplace my testicles! Ha!
Do you know what people should be more concerned about? Female to male transgender people who begin taking testosterone. Wanna talk about permanent effects?
1 - facial hair
2 - possible sterility
3 - deeper voice
4 - genital enlargement
5 - balding
T is a mighty drug. I don't like it, nor am I appreciative of the effects it had on me for 45 years. But hey, if that's your thing, then enjoy the shit out if it! (To quote my wife's therapist!)
So uh, yeah, there you have it. That is what I know of that will happen if I continue taking estrogen and decide one day to stop. But seriously, nobody wants me back on testosterone. Seriously. Nobody. Well, nobody should want me back on T! Apparently many people are questioning themselves if estrogen is an appropriate treatment for me. Funny. Interesting. And mildly annoying. But really, the most important person, me, I don't want me back on T. The second most important person, my wife, she does not want me back on T. So really the only people who really matter do want me back on T, so guess what? It ain't happenin' peeps!
Which by the way, brings up another very common thing for people to say to me, "Well yeah, but what about Jules? How does she really feel about all of this?" This post is too long and rambling as it is. That topic will just have to wait until next time my little blog-a-renos!
Well, love me on estrogen!
Love yourself, even if that means taking T, if that is what you need to do to love yourself, then go for it!