Tuesday, December 26, 2017

My Outfit - Light Makeup

Jacket - Max Studio - Similar
Sweater - White House Black Market - Similar
Shoes - Asics - Similar
Belt - Mossimo - Similar

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Okay so this outfit is a bit different for me in a couple of ways.  First off, can we talk about the jeans?  They are not my usual go-to type of jeans, don't they look a bit baggy for me?  Well I think they do!  They happen to be from my current selection of day to day work jeans.  Yes they are female jeans, they are just not super tight like most of my female jeans.  It is funny as while presenting as a guy, they seem tighter than most male jeans, but while presenting as a female, they seem a bit looser than most female jeans.  I like them!  They go right between the genders!  Ha!

The other reason why this outfit is a bit different for me is that I don't have any foundation on my face.  It has been almost 6 months since I started taking estrogen and it has made my skin be much more sensitive, especially the skin on my face.  Now when I shave super close my skin often is so sore that I don't want to put anything on it at all. 

At one point in my life I had to make sure that everything about my presentation was as perfect as I could make it be.  My outfit had to be right, my hair had to be right, my makeup had to be right, my frickin' fingernails had to be painted, and not chipped!  I suppose that I had this idea that if everything about my look wasn't right, then that would be the thing that would make people torch and pitchfork me!  Ha! 

Okay, I may laugh about it, but seriously, this is something that I am still dealing with.  I have become far more annoyed with foundation, and with my hair!  These are both things that lately I have not always been wearing and still going out in public.  I am chipping away at my insecurities, but it is still hard.  No I have not been torched or pitchforked with my mixing up my look.  If anything, all I have been has been more comfy!

Did you notice the tennis shoes in this photo?

I just hope that I keep my style the further down this estrogen path that I go!

I like my style!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love your own style!

Friday, December 8, 2017

What A Strange/Awesome New World

While on the way to work today I was pondering who is left in my circle of people that I have not had the official talk with.  For quite some time now I have been making the assumption that everybody in my life knows that I am transgender.  But I have not had the official talk with every single person.  There were just a few people hanging around that I did not think it to be important to have the talk with.  Some of my closer coworkers were in that group.  But last week's reveal was probably the last of those stragglers.

Oh, wait, I never told the blog-o-sphere who I came out to did I?  Sometimes I get so confused about which part of the net knows what about me.  I mentioned this on Facebook, thus my confusion.  Anywho.... there are three "jock" type males that I work closely with.  I never thought it to be important to come out to these people.  I dress the mixed gender way that I do, and they accept me as I appear, so why even go there?  I chose not to, until last week.  I figured it was about time to have the official talk with them.  I told them about me, and estrogen, and what to possibly expect from me in the future.  No torching or pitchforking occurred, just a simple "male" acceptance.  Meaning - they have yet to shun me, which is a good step for them!

Okay, so while driving to work this morning I was pondering who is left to even tell?  It was the weirdest thing, awesome weird, but weird still, I could not come up with anybody important that I have not had the official talk with.  Oh - should I clarify?  The official talk?  That is when I will sit down with someone, preferably in person, and use the official word transgender, and most recently include that I am currently going to therapy and taking estrogen.  The big E.  Yup, that is me.

And thus it was, I was driving to work and I could not come up with anybody important who I have not had this talk with.  Sure, there are people in my life who I have not had the talk with.  There are lots of them.  But these are not friends.  They are not people who matter to my life.  They are people like, some of my neighbors, who I see once or twice every few months, that I smile and wave to, as I drive by, sometimes in a wig and makeup, and sometimes scruffy and dirty towing my trailer off to the dump.

There are the countless number of people I encounter on a occasional basis.  The guy at the store in my tiny country town.  The lady who knows I like the fried chicken at the convenience store down the road.  The brother of the friend I have dinner with once or twice a year.  My clients at work.  All of these random people, who come and go in my life, but bare no real significance upon it.

Oh - it did finally occur to me, there is my wife's dad and his wife.  They don't know.  And I have no intentions of telling them.  Truth be told, there is zero reason to have that conversation with them.  Oh, and now that I am typing it, her father's wife's kid.  He doesn't know.  Well, again he is in that group that if he doesn't know, he is a moron.  But I have not had the talk with them.  I really don't see the need to though.  Honestly, my wife's dad and his wife will be damn lucky to live another year.  They theoretically could, but I doubt it.  They are in really bad shape.  And once they go, I doubt we will ever see the wife's kid again.  Hmm... maybe, but I doubt it.

So um yeah, I think that everybody whose anybody in my life knows.  And that is a whole new world to me.  Today is my wife's birthday.  I was going to write something on her Facebook wall, like Happy Birthday to my awesome wifey!  But it occurred to me, that I would be totally outing myself if I did so.  I mean, her name on FB is her actual name.  Mine is not.  When I mentioned it to my wife, her response was, 'who is on my Facebook that doesn't already know?' 

She has a damn good point.  Who indeed?  And it would appear as though there really isn't anybody.  So strange.  I'm a gunna' have to ponder this one for awhile!  Maybe there are some that I am forgetting.  But wow, geez, that is SO different from how I have lived most of my life.  As with most transgender people, I have spent pretty much all of my life with people not knowing who I really am and what I really like. 


It occurs to me, what to do with this new found freedom? 

The only logical answer - live and be free to be the me I've always wanted to be.

Insert Mel Gibson here, covered in paint, raising his hand, and yelling out 'freedom!'


Love you!

Love yourself enough to be free!