Monday, November 6, 2017
My therapist called it numb on her Facebook post, and it really made me think, yeah that is what I am these days towards mass murder, numb. It is so super sad. I haven't really known how numb I have become to these horrid crimes until this past visit to Las Vegas. I know I have written quite a bit about my two to three day trip to Las Vegas. Apparently it was a moving event for me. Somethings I expected, other's I did not.
What I did not expect was the dawning realization of what a turd I was towards people that I consider to be good friends, Vivian and Edward. I have written about them quite often here. They were some of the first ones that I ever came out to. They were definitely the first ones to see me dressed as a woman, other than my wife, and the thousands of strangers who have seen me. They were for sure the first friends and one of them was the first coworker.
And yet, when the mass shooting happened in Vegas, did I call? Did I text? Did I have a moments thought about whether or not my good friends were okay? Not really. Oh sure, I can put it off as, I know Edward does not like country music, I knew that Vivian had ripped off most of her toenail and was receiving or at least in need of medical assistance, I knew that Edward was also not in Vegas, or at least I thought he wasn't there.
But still, those are all just such bullshit excuses for not reaching out and connecting with people that I care about. And for that, I am so sorry. I don't know how often they read my blog these days, but if you two are still reading occasionally, know that ever since it occurred to me, I have felt like a SUPER SCHMUCK!
And today was the day, while reading my therapist's post about feeling numb towards mass murders, that I realized, holy shit! That is exactly where I am. I am totally numb to mass killings. Wow, that is so sick! I mean even this past weekend's horrors, I was just like, hmm.... well.... yup.... that'll happen. Wow, that is so fucked!
I suppose on many levels, it is a natural reaction, as there is not much any of us can do about those situations. Some people are just messed in the head and for some who-the-hell-knows-why reason, they feel the need to go out in a blaze of horror taking as many innocents with them as they can. It is truly sick and twisted, but seriously, what can we do?
I know the least that I could have done is to call my friends and let them know that I was thinking of them. Not cool that I didn't. So not cool. I'm pretty bummed with myself for becoming that desensitized to such horrors of the world. True I cannot stop them, but I can at least reach out and offer comfort to those who have been placed into such shocking events.
Love you Vivian and Edward.