Friday, May 19, 2017

My Letter to a Counselor & Friday Kittens

I had an interesting day yesterday that I thought I would share a bit about before I presented most of my kitten photos.  Let's start with, do you know that I have never seen a counselor regarding my gender issues?  Yup, never have.  Never felt a need to actually.  But never mind that now right?  Anywho..... I am in kind of an interesting situation in that I am wanting to begin to speak to someone but the nearest person to me is about 70 miles away, one way.  Hmmm....  So I found an interesting enough looking online counseling service.  It is and I decided to reach out through them.  They asked for some info, so I wrote the following letter:

Hi -

What has brought me here is my gender variance.  I have known that I am transgender since being a child, though I didn't have the vocabulary about it that I do now.  I've dealt with my gender quite well for much of my life.  Currently I live in an openly non-conforming manner.  I am out with most of my friends, my wife has always known, and within the last couple of years I have come out at work as well.  Things have been going quite well actually, so I felt a bit foolish answering the questions on the survey, as almost all of them indicate a lacking for much concern.  

However, within the last 6 months I have been diagnosed with an enlarged prostate.  I asked my doctor to treat it with Finasteride.  That drug helps to shrink the prostate, but it is also used as a testosterone blocker with people who are pursuing transition.  While I am not interested in transitioning, I specifically requested that drug for the transgender issue, and not the prostate one.  There is a hope within me, that I would "suffer" the side effect of gynecomastia, but that I would continue to be able to sexually function as a male.  

So.... all was going well until today when I went to my doctor, he informed me that there have been many recent studies of prostate cancer in men taking finasteride and he recommends that I go off of it.   And..... do I have to say it?  That bothered me quite a bit.  Yeah, no I don't want cancer, who would?  So how can I justify taking a drug that might do that to me?  I can't.  

And that made me super sad today.  As my day has gone on, I have become more and more morose about the situation and thought, ya know, maybe it's time to actually talk to somebody about all of this.  Maybe there is something I can do that can help me that I have not thought of.

Where am I at right now?  I'm interested in pursuing ways that would help me, mentally and physcially be more comfortable in my body.  As I see myself mentally, I am somehwere between male and female.  Not fully one or the other, but a bit of both.  Physically wise, all I ever see is male.

Okay, I have blathered way too much, for something that was indicated to be "just a few short sentences."  Ha.  Me in a few short sentences, funny. 

Hey, I'm nothing if not direct huh?  Well we shall see where this leads, if anywhere!  The counselor they connected me with currently does not seem to have transgender experience, so I'm pretty sure that I'm going to request a change there.  I'll let you know!

Now, on with some furry furry love loves!

Here we have Puddin and Luke.  Luke is looking a bit evil in this photo huh?

This is Obi Wan and Gordo.  I thinkit is adorable how Gordo is peaking out saying hi!

A cute shot of Puddin.

And lastly Gordo.  I think this is an awesome shot.

Oh hey, could you tell, we bought a cat tree.  Exciting I know.  Well to us it is as we have never owned one before.  It was hilarious trying to get it home in our little tiny car.  Of course we did not have enough foresight to actually bring the truck!  Silly us!

Okay.  That's enough for today.

Love you!

Love yourselves!


  1. Cat trees are awesome! It's so much fun to watch my kitties scramble up mine.

    Counseling has been wonderful for me - I hope you make a connection with someone who can walk with you through the grief of this. I'm sending prayers and hugs!

    1. Thanks Julie!

      Yeah my cats are SO enjoying their tree. They love scrambling up and down it; it is so much fun to watch them.

      So far I am truly enjoying the counseling. It is super interesting actually. Well worth the time and money.

  2. It was an interesting letter you wrote. I think that those of us with some degree of gender issues need to find outlets for our feminine yearnings. I wear pantyhose and panties and occasionally a bra or cami under my guy clothes. I also dress at home and sleep in a nightgown. I would think that your taking finesteride, in addition to your other feminine manifestations, helped you feel the affinity for the feminine that your spirit needs. I know that when I am deprived of my 'feminine connections' that I miss them and a suspect this is the same for you with one of your 'connections' being the medication.
    Good luck, keep up the good spirit.

    1. Yeah I agree, I just didn't realize how much it meant to me. Now I think I am getting a better understanding of it though.


  3. Hey Nadine,
    Forget the "feel good" meds, and the brain tickling,
    What is your doc doing about that prostate???

    Dem r sum happy kats!

    Much Love,

    1. Hiya Kristyn-

      Feel good meds and brain tickling are possibly not the way to describe what I'm talking about. Nonetheless, you have a point as to what the doctor is doing about the prostate. Your comment has suggested to me that a fuller post might be more appropriate to discuss that situation. For now, know that my dr is no longer concerned with my prostate and that is why he is interested in stopping the medication as well, but it is a more involved story than just that.