I had an interesting day yesterday that I thought I would share a bit about before I presented most of my kitten photos. Let's start with, do you know that I have never seen a counselor regarding my gender issues? Yup, never have. Never felt a need to actually. But never mind that now right? Anywho..... I am in kind of an interesting situation in that I am wanting to begin to speak to someone but the nearest person to me is about 70 miles away, one way. Hmmm.... So I found an interesting enough looking online counseling service. It is Betterhlp.com and I decided to reach out through them. They asked for some info, so I wrote the following letter:
What has brought me here is my gender variance. I have known that I am transgender since being a child, though I didn't have the vocabulary about it that I do now. I've dealt with my gender quite well for much of my life. Currently I live in an openly non-conforming manner. I am out with most of my friends, my wife has always known, and within the last couple of years I have come out at work as well. Things have been going quite well actually, so I felt a bit foolish answering the questions on the survey, as almost all of them indicate a lacking for much concern.
However, within the last 6 months I have been diagnosed with an enlarged prostate. I asked my doctor to treat it with Finasteride. That drug helps to shrink the prostate, but it is also used as a testosterone blocker with people who are pursuing transition. While I am not interested in transitioning, I specifically requested that drug for the transgender issue, and not the prostate one. There is a hope within me, that I would "suffer" the side effect of gynecomastia, but that I would continue to be able to sexually function as a male.
So.... all was going well until today when I went to my doctor, he informed me that there have been many recent studies of prostate cancer in men taking finasteride and he recommends that I go off of it. And..... do I have to say it? That bothered me quite a bit. Yeah, no I don't want cancer, who would? So how can I justify taking a drug that might do that to me? I can't.
And that made me super sad today. As my day has gone on, I have become more and more morose about the situation and thought, ya know, maybe it's time to actually talk to somebody about all of this. Maybe there is something I can do that can help me that I have not thought of.
Where am I at right now? I'm interested in pursuing ways that would help me, mentally and physcially be more comfortable in my body. As I see myself mentally, I am somehwere between male and female. Not fully one or the other, but a bit of both. Physically wise, all I ever see is male.
Okay, I have blathered way too much, for something that was indicated to be "just a few short sentences." Ha. Me in a few short sentences, funny.
Hey, I'm nothing if not direct huh? Well we shall see where this leads, if anywhere! The counselor they connected me with currently does not seem to have transgender experience, so I'm pretty sure that I'm going to request a change there. I'll let you know!
Now, on with some furry furry love loves!
Here we have Puddin and Luke. Luke is looking a bit evil in this photo huh?
This is Obi Wan and Gordo. I thinkit is adorable how Gordo is peaking out saying hi!
A cute shot of Puddin.
And lastly Gordo. I think this is an awesome shot.
Oh hey, could you tell, we bought a cat tree. Exciting I know. Well to us it is as we have never owned one before. It was hilarious trying to get it home in our little tiny car. Of course we did not have enough foresight to actually bring the truck! Silly us!
Okay. That's enough for today.