Thursday, April 27, 2017

Does a Training Bra Provide Any Actual Training?

Knowing what size you are can be a super important thing for anyone who is transgender.  I think this is primarily caused by doing much of their clothes shopping remotely.  Transgender people often rely on catalogs and online purchases.  Thus, you need to know your size before you order anything.  You have to put it into the darn forms before they will send you anything.  Plus, there's added pressure for TG individuals as buying anything brings with it a certain amount of excitement.

This excitement is not exclusive to TG people.  Many people are happy, interested, desirous of receiving what they are purchasing.  Why else buy something, if you don't actually really want it?  But for transgender people there are often a whole host of other emotions.  Like a sense of freedom for  bucking social conventions, or of just pure unadulterated joy and excitement at the prospect of finally ordering some elicit item you have lusted after for much of your life.

When transgender people buy clothes it is often very different than it is for cisgender people.  Take bras for example.  Many women express many negative emotions about their bras.  Maybe they have forgotten what it was like when they were a growing child/teen and they were informed that they needed to buy a training bra.  This is a pivotal moment in many women's lives.  Something that was indicative of a change within them.  A change for themselves and for how the world viewed them as well.  This may be an exciting time for some, while for others it is their introduction to a massive nuisance they will have to live with for the rest of their lives.  (Hmmm.... too dramatic?  Talk to someone who hates their bras but feels socially compelled to wear them.)

Buying a bra for a male to female transgender person though is a major event!  Especially their first one.  Oh my!  The first bra is an unbelievable event.  It is filled with such joy and excitement and anticipation that I am seriously hard pressed to give the description justice.  Suffice to say, it is a big deal.

Thus, can you imagine the heartache and pain when the garment finally arrives in the mail, only to find that it doesn't even come close to fitting?  Yeah, talk about crestfallen!  It is such the massive bummer to finally buy it, sometimes after years and possibly decades of denying your wants, finally have it arrive, finally, after all this time, you have the actual item in your hands, and it is far better than you could have ever imagined, but AAAAAACCCCKKKKK, it doesn't freaking fit!!

That is when the doubts arise.  Obviously it doesn't fit because you're a dude trying desperately, foolishly to fit into something that is totally wrong for you to even want, let alone try.  Or maybe it is because you are just too ignorant to buy the right thing.  I mean after all, if your mother had informed you that you had to go get that training bra when you were just heading into puberty, then of course you would now know exactly what size bra to purchase, because you would have been trained for all things bra related!  Ha!

Maybe you even took the extra step of reading up on bra fittings, and took the additional step of actually taking your own measurements.  Did you use those handy "How to Find Your Bra Size" websites?  The one that say, if your under bust measurement is ______ and your across the nipple measurement is ______ then your magic bra size is _______.   So what does it mean then when your newly order magic garment of boobage is ill fitting?  Does it mean that you're just a different kind of failure?  Now you're so foolish that you can't read directions well enough?  You don't know how to use a measuring tape?  Or maybe you just can't use those measurements because you're mathematically challenged?

Really, what is the answer to these mysteries?  You need to get somebody else's advice!  Yes that is certainly the answer!  Somebody out there would know how to help you know your number.  That one number that would work for every store, every garment, every single time, without fail.  Maybe, ideally actually, somebody who has been trained in these things.  Like you know those lucky girls that got that privilege of being trained properly.

(Do you think I am mistaking the meaning of the whole training bra thing much?)

Okay, enough malarky!

There is only one assured way of getting something that actually fits you well:

Try it on!!!!!!

Sorry.  That's it.  No there is no magic mystical number that will always work, for every garment, for every store, for every season, for every age that you will ever be.  Clothes and bodies just don't work that way.  Not for dresses, or pants, or tops, or underwear, or bras, or even socks!  Come on, please, can't we at least have socks that universally fit?  No, you can't!

Listen, I know the struggle is real.  But seriously, don't for a moment think this is a transgender exclusive problem.  My wife has such a typical, and awesome female body, and what did she grow up with?  A mother who told her that no pants would fit her, because of her odd body.  She now hates to hear the phrase - your jeans are pooching.  I mean seriously, come on, who says that jeans are pooching?  What does that even mean?  Apparently she thought it meant having lines at the top of your jeans where the legs meet at the crotch.  Umm, okay, weird.  Maybe there was nothing wrong with her body and it is just the nature of bodies and clothes?????

But what is a public-shop-a-phobic transgender individual to do?  Well you could try the following:

  • Take a deep breath and go shopping while dressed in your socially preferred manner.  You can pick up a variety of clothes, male and female, and take all of them into the dressing room and just try on what you would like.  Yeah, it's a bit different, but I have done it.  Imagine, what would you do if you had to buy clothes for an opposite sex person because they weren't able to?  What would you do?  I know that when my wife broke her leg, I shopped for her.  She couldn't do it!  There are non-cross dressing reasons why somebody might buy clothes from the "wrong" side of the store.

  • Buy more than one item's size while shopping on line.  Buy the size you think you might be, and then one bigger and one smaller.  Then you have greatly increased your odds of getting the right size.

  • Buy one item online, with the understanding that it probably won't fit!  And have every intention of trying it on, and sending it back if it isn't just right.  Maybe the store will offer free return shipping; so look for it.

  • Dress how you want, and for the gender of clothes you will be shopping for, and go for it!  My personal favorite is visiting outlet malls in the morning when they open on weekdays.  I get the best service at those times and it is much lower pressure than any other shopping time!  But if you do it, you MUST try on your clothes before purchasing, and if you need to, go get a different size or five different sizes to try on!  Try them on and work to find the right size regardless of what the tag says.

Here is what I think you should not do:
- try to find your size and expect that it will always work.  It won't.  For anybody.  Ever.  

Well, okay, your size could serve as a general guide, but that is about it.  Think about it as a starting point.  Seriously.  I have had my size down for a certain manufacturer and then the next season, I am a different size.  I go from one store to another and I am a different size.  Sometimes I am two different sizes depending on the fabric that was used to create the garment.  This has happened for all the types of clothes that I wear, socks and shoes, and most especially bras.

Okay.  I guess I had more to say on this topic than I thought I originally did.  Hmm.  Interesting.  Well,  maybe just to me.  But I have had many people contact me inquiring about my size, and it bothers me.  Not because of anything other than, what does such an irrelevant ever changing number ever mean to anybody else when it barely means anything to me?

What have these numbers been used for?  Possibly only to discount my knowledge of gender variant dressing.  Oh, I see, you don't know anything about finding female shoes for size 15 feet because you can just walk into any shoe store and find your cute little petite size 9.5 shoes.  Well then phfff on you.  You may as well just be a girl.

Yeah well, that may be true, but trust me that regardless of how special you think you are, there are a million other people suffering just like you.  I have heard men complain about this size thing towards male clothes and female clothes.  I have heard females complain the same way, about both genders clothes as well.  I have heard overweight people complain this way.  I have heard underweight people complain this way.  I have heard average weight people complain.  I have heard completely flat chested people complain about bras as well as breast-gifted people complain about their bras.

Which group of people generally don't complain about clothing issues?  Those of us who have conquered the fear of shopping and who work hard for what we have!  It's the truth.  Deal with it.  Go shopping.  Enjoy yourself.  Have a drink if that helps.  Have a pretzel from Wentzle's if that is what it takes.  Do what it takes!  Get over the BS reasons of why you can't and go do it!

So... even though I never had a training bra, somehow I figured out how to get some things done.  Besides, I don't really think training bras train you for anything, from what I can tell.

I do think I've got the whole training part of the training bra wrong.  Hmm..... maybe it's training for understanding that your life is quickly changing and you better adapt quickly and get used to it, or figure out what else to do about it?

See.... I'm still rattling on and on about this!  Okay.  I've got to stop!

Love you!

Love you!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Learn to love TRYING things on!


Do it!


photo credits:'s_clothes_designed_by_women_(1903).jpg

Friday, April 21, 2017

White Tunic

Tunic - White House Black Market - Similar
Jeans - Levi:Denizens
Sweater - 69th & Madison - Similar
Shoes - Born-O-Concept - Similar

This was an outfit that I wore about a week or two ago.  Jules and I decided to go get our nails done, which we have not been doing lately.  We so love getting our nails done by somebody else, but we have been attempting to save a bit of money and nails are a bit of a luxury.  Unfortunately!!

Anywho.... I like wearing these jeans to get my nails done as I can easily just roll them up and dip my feet into the lovely warm water.  With most of my jeans they are far too tight to be able to easily roll them up.  Generally when the weather is warm enough I will just wear shorts or a skirt to get my nails done, but with the colder weather, jeans it is!

Besides, have you ever noticed that the standard female outfit these days is jeans?  Well I have.  It tends to be a bit odd while being the only one in the nail salon wearing something except for jeans!  But frequently that is where I find myself.  Oh well!

Okie dokie - that's it for this awesomely exciting captivating post!  Yay!

Love you!

Love yourselves.

Seriously, it is important.

Oh but I suppose that I should say a bit more about what I mean with that.  In my estimation, it is not just a simple, love yourself, because you are beautiful!  Yeah, I kind of border on that being a bit of BS.  Rather, how about we love ourselves enough to DO what we need to DO to show love to ourselves?

For me, that often means working my ass off getting shit done so that I can actually relax when I sit down.  Or it means facing my fears to push myself to actually be the person I want to be.  So when I say that I love myself, it means I am willing to work hard actually doing something to show myself the love that I so deeply crave.

Does that even make any sense?

I hope so!

Because I am able to love myself more than I ever have before, but it has taken ACTIVE participation, not just a resignation or acceptance.


Love you!

Love yourself!

Monday, April 10, 2017

Max Tara Breast Form Review

You may remember one of my recent posts about forgetting my breast forms at a hotel, which meant that I am in need of some replacement boobs.  The ones that I lost were from The Breast Form Store, and retailed for about $200.  Wow!  I decided to try the Max Tara forms above being as they were selling for about $23 a piece and they do sell them separately, as a left and a right.  But still they were less than a fourth of the price of the lost ones.

Being as I am an Amazon Prime member, I got the new forms in about 2 days from ordering.  Which is awesome!!  They arrived in the standard Amazon packaging, and it has been a couple of months since I got them, so I totally forget how they were individually packaged inside of the Amazon box.  They arrived in fine condition though.

My immediate thoughts were, they were huge, and super soft!  I purchased the 300 gram size.  I thought that would be an okay size as they were advertised as an A or a B cup breast.  Part of the problem with this is that cup size is a ratio with your band size.  If you put a 300 gram breast on someone with a 36 inch band, it will appear much bigger than if it is on someone with a 42 inch band.  For your reference, generally I wear a 38B bra.  I would prefer a 38A, but that is a super uncommon size.  So I settle for a 38B.

Thus, with these breast forms, I had to go through all of my bras and figure out which ones would work with these forms.  The sad truth was that none of them worked.  They were way too big.  The other thing about these forms is that they kind of have two wings.  One extends up and one extends to the side.  It can give the impression of a more full breast.  But it also means that it needs to have a larger more full coverage bra.  Lucky for me, Jules has kept about every single bra she has ever owned and allowed me to rummage through her leftovers.  I found some that worked, but that put me up to a 38C/36D OMG!  Way too big for me!

What I do like about these forms though is how soft they are.  They are more squishy than my lost ones and Jules and I both feel as though they have a very good feel to them.  They are very breast like in consistency.  Oh and something else I forgot to mention, they are also lightly concave.  And one more thing, there are nipples, but they are not very prominent and they are not a different color in anyway.

Overall, for the price, they are super good!  They are just way too big for me.  I think I need something like half of that size.  Oh..... and as well, generally I don't wear my forms while out and about dressed as a woman.  They tend to be something quick, simple, and easy for me to just pop in and give me a some boos while hanging out.  That could be why I think they are too big; they don't suit my purposes.

Hmmm...... the last thing I might say is that overall, I really didn't see much differences between the $45 dollar breast forms and the $200 ones.  You would think that for $200 they would be so totally amazing that they would put anything else to shame!  Alas, that is not my experience.  While I am not happy with this pair, and I will continue to try and find something better for my needs, I can't see justifying such expensive forms as the ones I lost.

And further, The Breast Form Store, a great place BTW, has breasts that sell for like $400.  What do they do?  Shoot fireworks out of the nipples?  What?  What could it be for $400?  And that is why I think some people will buy them.  For $400, they must be just like real boobs!  But seriously, I don't think they would be any better than bargain priced boobs.

Okie dokie!  I will continue to update you on my newest boob search!

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love trying out new boobs!

Oh - and while yes I do receive some compensation as a result of you clicking some of my links, I did not receive any special compensation for reviewing these breast forms.

Friday, April 7, 2017

I'm SO Weird!

Saucony Cohesion 6 - Similar

I've known this for much of my life, but I am constantly amazed at how often it is exemplified.  Thus yet again this morning I had to shake my head at myself.  Why, you ask?  Well, this morning I finally decided to wear the above shoes to work!  And I was totally freaking out about it.  Okay, well let's dial it back a bit and give some explanation.  I wasn't having a panic attack or anything, I was just super unsure and continued to go back and forth on if I should wear them or not.  Yesterday I had the same thoughts, and decided against it.  I have had the same thoughts for quite some time, and yet have never pulled the trigger on actually wearing them until today.

I was super unsure of my decision, but I stood up from the couch I normally sit at to put my shoes on and I stated to Jules that it was finally time and I was going to do it.  She gave me a quizzical look as I walked over to my closet.  I heard her ask "what are you going to do?" from behind me as I reached down and pulled out my super pink tennis shoes.  I showed her the shoes and tentatively announced that I would be wearing them to work today.  She kind of rolled her eyes at me, not in a condescending fashion because she couldn't believe my audacity, but rather she couldn't believe I was feeling weird about it.  She then stated that she thought I had already done that.

Yeah, maybe that is what some of you have already thought to yourselves as well.  But no, I had not already done that.  But for the heck of it, let's review what about this situation makes it all a bit weird for me to be feeling concerned about wearing pink tennis shoes to work shall we?  Okay, here is the list of things I do, that are a bit atypical for my perceived gender:

- I wear my nails painted pretty much 24/7/365
- I wear mostly female clothes, consisting mostly of undershirts, jeans, and shoes
- Both ears are pierced and I wear obvious female rings on my fingers
- I carry a female phone case, wallet, and iPad cover
- I wear female smelling lotions daily
- Daily, I bring to work my two-tone pink Victoria Secret lunch cooler
- I have told several people at work I consider myself to be transgender
- I wear a lightly padded, visibly obvious, bra almost every day

I think that about covers it.

Thus, it is almost laughable that today I was worried because "Oh no, what are people going to think about my bright pink shoes!"  I mean, maybe, possibly, they might think I am a bit different.  Maybe it will be the pink shoes that shoves somebody over the edge and they will risk their careers to come hassle me over it.  Maybe this will be the thing forces my clientele to finally demand that I be replaced with someone far more competent.

Ya, right, that's what's going to happen.  HA!

And do you know what?  Nothing has happened.  Why would it?  Why would innocuous cute pink tennis shoes be any more blatantly gender variant than anything else I do?  I am three fourths of the way through my day and so far nobody has said anything.  My coworkers still talk to me normally, my clients still work with me.  Everything is totally fine and normal.

Now I feel like a bit of a ding-a-ling for keeping these super cute shoes in the closet for so long.  Ha! I wasn't in the closet, but my shoes were!  So weird.

How worked up was I?  I forgot to wear my bra today.  Now I have on cute shoes, but I feel a bit naked and exposed!  OMG, I weird myself out sometimes.

Seriously, I had thoughts that one day I wouldn't feel this way.  I could live a life where I stop restricting myself to what I think is socially acceptable and just start wearing whatever the heck I want to wear!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love awesome pink tennis shoes!

Thursday, April 6, 2017


The last time I had a cat that had kittens I was 7 years old or so.  I don't remember much, except for that she decided to have them on my bed.  It was a stilt bed, or some such thing; a bunk bed without the lower bed.  But recently Jules and I found ourselves with a cat that went into heat.

She had decided to pick this cat up from a local gas station.  Clearly someone had abandoned it there.  It was in kitty teenage-hood.  A time during which the kitten stops just being cute and starts to cause havoc on their environment.  We however are a super cat friendly household.  We currently have 5 of them.  Well how about 4.5 as we rarely see one of them.  She was also a rescue.  I found her and her littermates abandoned in a nearby field.

Anywho.... our newest edition went into heat unexpectedly.  We thought she was too young, but apparently not! Ha!  She went out of heat within a day, and we suspected we had a pregnant kitty on our hands.  We decided to take on the challenge of either owning all of her offspring or of finding homes for them, and decided to allow her to have her litter.

This past Monday night she finally gave birth to four healthy kitties.  The mother is being a super provider and we (the grandparents!) are there to help support her.  We are not sure if we are going to even try and get rid of any of them.  I mean they are all so darn cute!  How could we possibly let any of them go???

But that would then mean we would have 9 cats!  Yikes!  9 cats!  OMG!  My wife keeps asking if that would make her a crazy cat lady.  I suppose it would make for two crazy cat people!  But come on, they are adorable!