Monday, December 12, 2016
What's in a Name?
Brook, Bobbi, Nadine. So far those are the iterations of names that I have gone through and I think I am getting ready to go through another. I am mentally amping myself up to begin going with Kelly as my new nom de plume. Well, actually what I have been contemplating is adding a middle name to my current name. So..... my current name is Nadine Spirit, but you already know that right? Okay, well there is no middle name included there. Thus my full name is going to be Nadine Kelly Spirit.
Cool? Well, possibly. But actually it can be a bit annoying to me. Annoying you ask? Well yeah. One might think that it is awesome to get to choose your own name. Yeah, I kind of thought that as well, before I actually did it. The first name I chose because I liked it. Duh! But after awhile I didn't. I kept picturing a ditzy blond, and I didn't like thinking of myself that way. Not that people with that name are all ditzy blonds, it just happened that is the image my brain came up with and I didn't really like it. Bobbi, I never liked. I thought I would try it out and it lasted for maybe a month or so, maybe even less. It is something I was called as a young child as it is a derivation of my actual name. I thought I'd really like it, and actually I hated it. Viciously.
Hmm. After those two failed attempts, I went with Nadine. I have no idea why I chose it. I think I just kind of liked it. Possibly because I couldn't think of anyone I knew with that name. Possibly because of its meaning. Possibly because it just popped in my head and I thought it was nice. Who knows why I chose it! I certainly don't! Anywho...... I was totally fine with it for years. I think I have gone with it for at least 7-10 years now.
But I have encountered a problem with it. And that problem is beginning to come out to people. Why is that a problem you ask? Well because I have noticed that being as it is a bit of an unusual name often people have a difficult time with it. Maybe it is because I am saying it strangely. Maybe it just doesn't roll of my tongue the way that it should. Maybe it is because people don't hear it very often. Maybe it is because it is a difficult name? Who knows! I do know that many people struggle with it. I have had some sales associates just straight up not be able to understand what my name is. And that is weird.
More importantly, now that I am coming out to more and more people in my regular life, outside of this fine online world, I feel weird saying "Nadine" to people. I am not quite sure what it is. Possibly it is that I get a look from people that says, "you sure don't seem like a Nadine to me." Nobody has ever said that, but I kind of feel it from people. Almost as if their looks say "hey, if you're going to make up a name for yourself, couldn't you just go with something more mainstream, and not something that sounds like you should be some gorgeous South Pacific Islander or something?"
Okay, so maybe they are not thinking anything like that at all. But, still, I have become reluctant to state my name to people and I don't like that. I have started to become more aware of it lately and last week while wine tasting I was VERY aware of it when the crowd of early 20's ladies asked my name. I felt super self- conscious about it. After that, I decided, that in real life, I have to change my name.
In the past when I changed my name, it was pretty easy. I decided to do it, and then told my wife. And that was it. Being as she and I were the only ones who knew about me and my gender variance, it made it pretty easy. But now? Now that I have told many people in real life and as well, that I have worked hard for about 7 or 8 years to develop my online brand under the name of Nadine Spirit? How does one go about changing all of that?
The answer is, I'm not. Online I will still use Nadine, but in real life I am going to begin using Kelly. I will tell people I know in real life to use Kelly. Any of you wondrous folk here in the blogosphere can use either one that you would prefer, Nadine or Kelly. And if you know me in both locations? Yeah, it doesn't really matter to me. Use whichever one makes you happy!
So um, yeah! There you go!
I kind of wish someone else would have just named me with a female name when I came out of the womb. Maybe that is what everyone should have, both a male and female name given to them by their parents. That way once everyone starts to self-identify their gender, they can go with either of their given names. Hey maybe that is why we have a first name and a middle name??? But one should just be male and the other female. Hey, this could work!