Tuesday, May 3, 2016

How Happy - How Sad

The very first time Jules and I took our picture with me dressed as a woman was about 10 years ago.  That particular day she and I decided to have a private wedding ceremony where we unofficially remarried each other while I was dressed as a woman.  That photo is the one pictured above.  And I officially do NOT like that photo.  I love what happened on that day, but wow, do I dislike the photos.  None of those photos were going to be shown to anyone anyhow.

The next photo of Jules and I was done purposefully for publication on this site:

Now this photo, I think, is super cute!  But.... the thing I don't like about it is..... that is not Jules.  Well, it is Jules, but it is Jules in disguise.  Why in disguise?  Well, that is the sad part of this tale - unfortunately Jules and I have felt an impressive need to remain anonymous, while still trying to share a bit of our lives.

So when Jules decided to join the blog-o-sphere, she did so while disguising her appearance.  Here is the shot she originally put up on her profile page:

This shot was done on purpose, to hopefully disguise her a bit to make her less recognizable to anybody that matters.  It was funny as recently somebody commented on it, that she was looking away from the camera in sort of a shy demure way and that she has changed from that person and so she should change her photo.  Well...... what she didn't say, but I will, is that it was done on purpose.  She didn't capture a moment in her life that emoted her personality, nope it was done for protection.  Protection from what?  From potential backlash, because if you haven't noticed, I am transgender, and some people on this planet find that to be offensive.  Ha!  Ignorance is stunning, and sometimes mean.

It is actually pretty sad to me, that because I choose to dress as a woman, I need to hide my true identity.  While I have been blogging for many years, and have kept my true identity private, I think it sucks that I feel the need to do so.  Why can't I be open?  Why can't I live in relative safety of not being totally fucked over if my true identity were to be discovered?

I think partially in response to these feelings, I decided awhile ago to begin to slowly come out to those around me.  I started telling family, and then friends, and work associates and my employer.  I was quite aware of those events, but maybe I wasn't entirely aware of Jules' response.

While she was unsure of my decision to begin sharing who I really am with others, somewhere along the way, maybe she didn't even realize it, she made a choice to come out as well.  And low and behold, our pictures changed as well:

So..... while I do still feel the need to not publish my identifying info on my blog, I am much less worried about what might happen if I am discovered.  Because really, who is left that matters?  Not really much of anyone.

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love, love, love!!! (oh, but not that picture at the top of this post!  Yuck, yuck, yuck! LOL!!)


  1. Oh Nadine, that first photo is something! It's funny, having met Jules a few times, I never think of her "blog" picture as her. It really is a disguise. Tell her I love that dress in the final picture.

    1. That first photo is funny right?? Ahhh.... the evolution of a cross dresser!!!

      I love that dress of hers as well.

  2. You two make for a beautiful couple. I am glad to have been following your blog all these years as you and Jules have emerged from the closed but to a collective beautiful open flower.

    1. Thanks Pat! I so appreciate having had you around all this time!

  3. I love the "shorts" picture (because you both look so happy) and the last pic in the dresses (because you both look fabulous and stylish). Yep, quite a journey, eh?


  4. You are such a great couple! It's nice to see your evolution mapped out in pix. Clearly your photographic skills have improved in 10 years too. Best wishes, Daria

  5. I've posted here before, and asked a question or two, and as another wife I wanted to say I think you both look like you're really fighting for your bliss. You're so peaceful together and clearly made for each other, and you're both super cute. Jules, you are what Nadine aspires to, I can tell!) :)

    Anyway, I wanted to ask if it helps that Jules is bisexual? I'm heterosexual. And while I appreciate how close you both are to each other, in the photos where you're both dressed as women I see lesbian partners or two close friends, not husband and wife. Jules, are you okay with that? I know I didn't sign on for that when I got married. It makes me a little sad actually. I don't know why. My husband cross dresses for different reasons than Nadines (he's not transgender). But still....

    Anyway, thanks for posting your thoughts, Nadine. It's helpful even if they make me sad. I think confronting our feelings is always good. And I hope I'm not out of line here, but you say you've been lost? Really, I say you've been avoiding. It seems obvious to me that you need to live full time, maybe even transition, but the reasons not to are currently stronger. I don't know how your wife feels, and I'm just the wife of a crossdresser so no experience, but that's my gut feeling. Maybe I'm completely wrong - I mean this is a blog so I'm relying on your words to convey emotion! Either way, you're clearly one of those rare couples who are made for each other, despite all obstacles. I wish you both luck and peace. x

    1. Wow, what a super sweet comment! When I read it to Jules she teared up it was so touching!

      It is also a comment that requires some good consideration and a thoughtful reply, so Jules and I are pondering it and will get back to you on this. It is a deep messy topic that unfortunately does not have simple nice neat answers.

      Thank you for writing. You are in our thoughts and care and concern.