Thursday, May 26, 2016

Striped Black & White Skirt

Skirt - Papaya - Similar(on sale for $10!!)
Sweater - White House Black Market - Similar
Tank - White House Black Market - Similar
Belt - White House Black Market - Similar
Shoes - The Naturalizer:Believe - Similar

I so love this skirt.  Obviously it is black and white, which I adore, but I also really like the horizontal stripes and how they help give the appearance of a bit of hippage!  It has been quite some time since I wore any kind of hip pads at all.  Thus I rely solely upon the clothes themselves to help give an extra bit of oomph to my shape.  This nice skirt, with it being tight at the knees, along with the stripes really helps add to that effect.  Yay.

Oh and did I mention that it is still in use after purchasing it several years ago for a measly $15???  What a steal!!  Yea Papaya has some super cheep clothes, and some of them are made that way as well.  But occasionally I will find something that is quality and inexpensive.

The other thing I like about this outfit is the belt.  It is reversible, so that makes it extra handy!  Honestly, I think it came from White House Black Market, but once I get the belts home and remove the tags to be able to wear them, I often forget where I buy them.  Belts are not like clothes, they don't retain tags of manufacturers on them.  So often times it is my best guess!!  Oh well!!  Maybe I should keep better track of them.  I do have those good intentions, but I rarely seem to follow through with my belts.  Maybe it is just not that important to me!!

Hey.... wanna hear something funny????? I got a message over at and the person said they saw my blog and liked it a lot.  Later, in a thread this person started I was accused of not being introspective!  Ha!  Like, um, sorry, I thought you actually read my blog!  Uh...not!  When I told Jules about she totally laughed.  My unstoppable introspection over the last 30 years has driven her bonkers!  Funny.  Okay, well, maybe it is just funny to us!  But I seriously found it to be hysterical!  Like do some people even read my blog, or  do they just look at the pictures!

Love you!!

Love yourself!

Love reading comprehension!  Ha!

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Just As Transgender As Me

This past weekend I went away for a retreat for one of the many jobs that I do.  It was a gathering of a bunch of us that have been contracted to be a coach to others in our profession.  (BTW - I SO wish I felt comfortable enough letting everyone know exactly what field I am employed in, but alas, with being transgender one needs to be cautious about how much info we spill onto the net.  Bummer!!)
Anywho...... what is important is that with this particular company I have been employed for several years and I have gotten to know to know the developers quite well.  We are a friendly bunch who work well with each other and after a long day of working we tend to gather in the hotel lobby and sit around and mash ideas together over a few glasses of wine.  All in all, even though it is work, it is quite enjoyable.

Again, anywho..... while sitting in the conference room listening to the presenters, collaborating with colleagues, creating posters and reporting out our understandings, I realized I was in the room with another transgender individual.  

While I was dressed in my female converse, female jeans, female undershirt, male t-shirt, nails painted, female styled jewelry (you know, my usual get-up!) I was staring at a woman dressed in male shoes, male jeans, male shirt, masculine jewelry, and a general masculine appearance.  This was in stark contrast to the many MtF cross dressers who claim that women cross dress by wearing jeans, and then other cross dressers who state, that no women do not cross dress by wearing jeans.  Why?  Their jeans are cut for them, styled for a female body. 

Well hah!  My jeans were super tight, forming quite nicely to my legs, and her jeans were sagging halfway down her butt.  My jeans were clearly female jeans and her jeans were clearly male jeans.  This person was not simply dressing in male appearing attire, they were clearly wearing article purchased in the male department.

I kind of wish that I could have taken a picture of her.  You know what would have been far better?  Getting a picture of the two of us together.  Two transgender individuals, both going the opposite directions, standing together, being a part of this super professional setting, happily working, getting respect, and being treated as human beings regardless of how we choose to dress.

How cool.  

Very cool.

Love you!

Love yourself!

image from:

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

They're Just Boobs

Jules and I live about 10 minutes away from a fairly small lake.  Well, it is supposed to be a larger lake, but in the 12 or so years that we have lived in this area the lake has never filled up.  So.... it is a fairly small lake.  But it is a fun lake.  We often travel down to it, drive down to the shore, back up the truck, through the fishing lines out, and let the dogs run around.  It makes for a relaxing time, just hanging out.

A week or so ago, we decided to do our usual thing and head down to the lake.  It happened to be kind of an overcast day, and I was wearing an oversize pink hoodie.  I also had on my Victoria's Secret double cup bra, which gives me the appearance of having breasts.  Not the sort of breasts that are easily hidden.  But the sort of breasts that are easily noticed.

Anywho.... we packed up our stuff and headed to the lake without me changing.  This is not really an unusual situation and I generally don't give it much thought.  Oh..... I don't think I mentioned, that the rest of my appearance was as a male.  This look is generally my go to look, and I am quite comfortable with it.  Or so I thought.

Jules and I setup our stuff, had our fishing lines in the water, our dogs running around, and were hanging out chatting and having a good day.  Apparently this idea seemed to be appealing to many others as well and more and more cars and trucks headed down to the water line and began filling in all of the spaces around us.  Again, this is not all that unusual.

What was unusual was when the folks next to us, a man, an older man, and a woman, began commenting on our dogs and encouraging them to come over for a visit.  When my dogs started to go to them, I got out of my seat and began walking towards them.  And that is when I remembered that I had boobs on.  And for a moment, a brief flash of insecurity flooded through me and I freaked out and told Jules I couldn't watch the dogs because of my boobs.  She got up and began walking towards the dogs and I immediately knew I was wrong.

Willing myself to not think about it, I screwed up my courage and followed Jules over to the trio of lake neighbors.  The man appeared to be pretty much a "rough and tumble," sort of guy and the older man appeared to be pretty country.  In fact all of them appeared to be quite country and I was worried about what was going to happen when my boobs became the topic of conversation.

But do yo know what??  We talked about all sorts of things, the dogs, the lake, the water, the weather, the fishing, but never once did my boobs come up in the conversation.  They were quite nice actually.  We chatted for awhile.  I inquired about what they were fishing for and what type of equipment they were using and still, my boobs never came up in the conversation.  We chatted for a bit, said our goodbyes, and headed back to our area.

We spent the rest of that day, fishing, playing with the dogs, and occasionally chatting with the people next to us.  All the while, my boobs stayed where boobs go, and they said said a word nor acted weird in any way.  And I had to yet again admit that the fear was only in my own mind.

Those people couldn't have cared less if I had boobs or not.

Thank you kind people.

Thank you for educating me, once again, about the reality of who people really are.

Too often we humans assume the worst in people.

Too often.

Caution is good.

Crippling fear is bad.

Love you!

Love others!

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

IPL Hair Removal - Update

Here we have a picture of my chest.  This photo was taken at two weeks after shaving.  Does it look hairy to you?  Yeah, it looks pretty hair free to me as well.  If you zoom in on it a bit you might be able to spot the hairs that still remain.  But hey, that is pretty darn near hair free huh?

On this photo you can more easily see the remaining hairs in my armpit.  Again this photo was taken two weeks after the last time that I shaved.

Overall I am very impressed with the results of my IPL experiment.  In total I have zapped myself about 4 or 5 times.  The directions are that you are supposed to wait 2 weeks between zaps.  I have followed those directions for the most part.  From the start til now I could probably have zapped it a few more times, but I have been lazy!
From Amazon

I don't know if you can tell from my photos, but I have multicolored body hair and that is a problem for IPL hair removal.  The darker hairs have been pretty much entirely removed, but the lighter colored hairs are still there.  But I don't mind the lighter colored hairs so much.  It really is the darker ones that really bug me.

I have been using the LumaRX IPL Hair removal system as an experiment, trying to decide if the 4-5 hundred dollar investment is really worth it.  And my overall opinion???????  YES, it is SO worth it.  I will then obviously keep this unit and I will continue to zap away at some of the more difficult stragglers.  I will keep you updated!!

Love ya!  

Oh...... I did want to say, that overall my goal is a total hair free body, and that is not what I have achieved so far, nor do I think that I will ever actually achieve that state.  With all of the light colored hairs it may very well prove an impossibility.  But, the hair loss I have achieved is very much worth the cost.  As well, if you are considering going to a professional, and your skin and hair is the right type, this is well worth the investment.  If you buy this and use it first, before going to professional route, there will be far fewer hairs for the professional to attack.  So.... to me.... it is totally worth it.

Hate hair!

Well unless you love hair, then Love hair!

But for me, hate hair!

Well...... hate body hair...... I would LOVE my natural head hair back again...... oh so sad it had to depart from my life...... booooo-hooooo-hooooo!!!


Friday, May 6, 2016

Which Me is the Real Me?

Wow, those two photos combined look really weird!  I have seen this sort of thing done by others and I thought I would give it a try.  Kind of interesting.  Kind of gives me a slightly different view of myself.  It is how I think of my own identity, but it is weird seeing both presentations of me mixed together.

It kind of reminds me of a lyric from Eminem - "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?"  Funny.  It also kind of reminds me of photo sets like these:

Like which me is the real me?

But is that what is asked when we see gorgeous women with no makeup on, transformed into an equally gorgeous, but somehow different, woman with makeup on?  Do we ask her which version of herself is the real version?

No.  They are both her real self.  The are both the real her.

But with transgender people, it appears to be a valid question.  So many of us are so concerned with being our authentic self.  Which is often a tagline used by so many to justify transitioning.

So... which me is the real me?  They are all the real me.  The version with the fuzzy face?  Yup, that's the real me.  The version without makeup, yup that's the real me.  The version all made up?  Yup that is the real me as well.

They are all the real me because the real me does not come from my presentation.  The real me comes from within.  As long as I am true to myself, that realness will come through, regardless of how I choose to present.

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Take the time to treat yourself right.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

How Happy - How Sad

The very first time Jules and I took our picture with me dressed as a woman was about 10 years ago.  That particular day she and I decided to have a private wedding ceremony where we unofficially remarried each other while I was dressed as a woman.  That photo is the one pictured above.  And I officially do NOT like that photo.  I love what happened on that day, but wow, do I dislike the photos.  None of those photos were going to be shown to anyone anyhow.

The next photo of Jules and I was done purposefully for publication on this site:

Now this photo, I think, is super cute!  But.... the thing I don't like about it is..... that is not Jules.  Well, it is Jules, but it is Jules in disguise.  Why in disguise?  Well, that is the sad part of this tale - unfortunately Jules and I have felt an impressive need to remain anonymous, while still trying to share a bit of our lives.

So when Jules decided to join the blog-o-sphere, she did so while disguising her appearance.  Here is the shot she originally put up on her profile page:

This shot was done on purpose, to hopefully disguise her a bit to make her less recognizable to anybody that matters.  It was funny as recently somebody commented on it, that she was looking away from the camera in sort of a shy demure way and that she has changed from that person and so she should change her photo.  Well...... what she didn't say, but I will, is that it was done on purpose.  She didn't capture a moment in her life that emoted her personality, nope it was done for protection.  Protection from what?  From potential backlash, because if you haven't noticed, I am transgender, and some people on this planet find that to be offensive.  Ha!  Ignorance is stunning, and sometimes mean.

It is actually pretty sad to me, that because I choose to dress as a woman, I need to hide my true identity.  While I have been blogging for many years, and have kept my true identity private, I think it sucks that I feel the need to do so.  Why can't I be open?  Why can't I live in relative safety of not being totally fucked over if my true identity were to be discovered?

I think partially in response to these feelings, I decided awhile ago to begin to slowly come out to those around me.  I started telling family, and then friends, and work associates and my employer.  I was quite aware of those events, but maybe I wasn't entirely aware of Jules' response.

While she was unsure of my decision to begin sharing who I really am with others, somewhere along the way, maybe she didn't even realize it, she made a choice to come out as well.  And low and behold, our pictures changed as well:

So..... while I do still feel the need to not publish my identifying info on my blog, I am much less worried about what might happen if I am discovered.  Because really, who is left that matters?  Not really much of anyone.

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love, love, love!!! (oh, but not that picture at the top of this post!  Yuck, yuck, yuck! LOL!!)