Friday, December 25, 2015
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Coat - Guess - Similar
Sweater - WHBM - Similar
Jeans - Levi - Denizen
Shoes - Kelly and Katie - Similar
I really like this outfit. Though I will admit while I was out and about today getting my nails done, I was not wearing these shoes, or this coat. I like this outfit because it contains a few of my favorite things. Like this sweater. I so love it! I really like how the zig-zagging line and alternating colors kind of help create a waist for me.
The coat is an all time fave of mine. I asked Jules if she thought I could get away with wearing it while dressed as a guy. Her response was "well if you it is okay that others know that you are wearing a woman's coat then go ahead." I don't think it is cut too femininely, like my red coat is. But I do suppose that the color is a bit large for a males coat, or even a coat that could pass as a males coat. Hmm..... I so do love the warmth that a wool coat provides!
Here is what I had done on my nails today. Not the best picture, but you can kind of see what I had done. It is a base coat of a sparkly blue and then different sized polka dots. It turned out SO cute! I really like it.
Thanks everyone! Sorry I have been so lackadaisical about posting lately. I have a bit of time off for now so hopefully I can get back on the ball with things!
Buy yourself something fun for Christmas!
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
I often read about how so many transgender folks fear the reaction from others when letting people in on their "little secret." Now I am not about to say that the world is filled with nothing but sugar and spice and everything nice, (just like little girls are!) but for me, the world is not what I at one time imagined it was.
Really I honestly felt as though my fellow human beings were something to be afraid of. Very afraid of. So afraid of that you need to protect yourself from them because inevitably they will hurt you.
And it was easy to delude myself into thinking that was the way that we are supposed to live. That it is simple human nature to want to protect ourselves. And besides, I was also helping them. I was protecting them from something that they did not want to know. There was no need for them to know and all the information could do was to cause problems.
Thus I kept my secret life to myself, well except for sharing it with my wife. And that didn't necessarily help the situation. It actually confirmed many of the thoughts I had for she felt very similar to me; humans are something to be afraid of. She and I knew my secret, and that was it. It was our burden to bear.
I still remember very vividly me telling Jules that I was going to share the secret with some of our close friends and she almost flipped out. She was sure that it would be a very poor idea to tell anyone. They were our friends and friends were super important, so important that we needed to be extra careful to not let them know the truth. For if they knew the truth then we might loose them as friends.
Isn't that a bit of a funny little statement? We so wanted them as friends and were afraid of loosing them as friends that we felt we could not be honest with them. How important were they if I felt as though I could not be honest with them? What kind of friend were they if I felt as though they would shun me if I told them I am transgender?
But more importantly, I realized, what kind of friend was I if I was unwilling to be open with who I am and what I like to do?
And that is really what shoved me over the edge and pushed me to begin revealing my "shameful, dirty, little secret," with those who are around me. Which is a giant lead in to what happened to me this very morning.
Last year, I began working with an intern at my job and one thing led to another and I shared with her that I am transgender. I took the step of also sharing this blog with her. Some of you may actually remember that particular blog post. If not, then go back here for a refresher.
So...... my intern came in to my office this morning and handed me a Christmas card. She wrote a beautiful message in a card and had included a gift card..... to Victoria's Secret! What a super sweet thing for anyone to do, but more so even from her. Not just that she is another human who I have let into my private life and has proved to be very accepting. Not just that she is someone who I work with on a daily basis at a place that many transgender folks insist that you should tell no one!
No not just those things, but as she spoke to me this morning, she informed me that she had to go stand in a line for a half an hour to just get to the register. And further more..... wait for it..... she actually hates Victoria's Secret! Ha! What a sweetheart! I could actually see the disdain on her face while she described being in that store. It was so heart warming to me.
Not that she hates Victoria's Secret, but that she would go through such a large effort to get something so personal for me! So.... if you are reading this Ms. Work Colleague, thank you SO MUCH!!! You have touched my heart in many ways.
And more than that really. She is yet another person who has shown me that I don't need to fear my fellow humans. That I can be open. I can be honest. I can tell people about who I am and they wont chase me down with torches and pitchforks yelling "kill the monster!"
No.... most of them will be touched that I shared something so personal with them.... most of them will feel included..... most of them will feel as though I took the first steps and treated them as a kind caring human being..... I treated them as a friend.
And on occasion they may even do something so kind in return that it warms you and makes you feel like crying because it makes you feel loved.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Jacket - Pelle Studio - Similar
Skirt - Guess - Similar
Leggings - Guess - Similar
Boots - Guess - Similar
Sorry for the poor quality photo, but alas in the middle of the rain it was the best that I could get! It is unfortunate that you can't seer the detail with the boots and the leggings. Oh well! Hmm... to describe it a bit.... the leggings have a leather strip running up the side of them and the boots come to a little bit above the knee. I really like the boots. They are the tallest pair that I own, and I really like them because they are super slim. This is due to a side zip and a back zip as well. Yummy!
Anywho.... I wore this outfit to go to the movies. Jules and I finally saw Mockingjay Part 2. We enjoyed it, if you are interested. I am so funny when going to the movies though. It shows a big difference between Jules and I. I am the type who would prefer to be at the theater about 15 minutes before the scheduled start time of the show. I don't need to be in the theater that early, but at least in the parking lot. So I was stressing out as we pulled up for an 11:00 show, directly at 11:00. I was internally flipping out! Jules though was totally calm, cool, and collected. She said, don't worry, they always show lots of garbage before the actual movie begins. And of course, she was totally right! As it was we still sat through about five previews. Anways..... we both enjoyed the film.
I know, a thrill a minute going on over here! After the show we visited Sally's Beauty Supply. Jules picked up hair dye while I tried to find hair clips that I actually like. Unfortunately I need to find another location to find good clips! Any advice from my lovely readers?
Okay... gotta run....
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Top - Max Studio - Similar
Jeans - Levi - Denizen
This past weekend it was Jules' birthday and I took her to Santa Barbara for a little fun. The idea began because one of our favorite bands, Pink Martini, was playing a show there. It was pretty crazy trying to get there on time as we worked that morning and then hopped in the car and sped off down California to try and make the show. Luckily we made it with time to spare and the show was awesome. But, no, I did not get an opportunity to dress as a woman that night.
The above picture is from the next day. Jules decided that she wanted to visit a couple of different museum and thus I chose something comfy and easy to walk in. Most likely I have already shown this outfit here, or at least an outfit that is darn similar! But I really like it. It is nice and simple, easy to wear, and weather friendly. The material is rather thin, thus it is not too hot, but not so thick that I can't wear a jacket over it if needed.
And of course, tennis shoes are practically a must if one is going museum hopping! I so don't understand those folks who can wear heels all day long. I was talking to one of my bosses yesterday about it actually. She is so used to wearing heels that it actually hurts her feet to wear flat shoes. Crazy! Maybe if I had the desire to wear them all day everyday then my feet would be in the same position. Oh and this boss I was discussing this with wears the cutest heels! She had black platform pumps with a little bling of rhinestones on a strap that crossed her foot a bit like a Maryjane would. Oh and yes she knows that I am transgender, and it was a completely comfortable conversation discussing ladies heels with her. Funny, huh?
- Still dealing with my dad's estate. The house is still for sale and the ex is still most likely going to try and sue me for any personal property of my fathers that she thinks that I stole. Lovely!
- My time is still stretched quite thin. Especially with the new puppy back home. Gosh, trying to be the Alpha Dog is tough! Especially while wearing heels! Ha-Ha-Ha! Actually I think the heels helps me to feel more bad-ass!
- It is currently the middle of duck season and I have hardly gone at all! Bummer for me and my freezer!
- What else???? Oh I feel like crap because often the last thing on my daily priority list is my poor blog! Ugh! I am so super bummed that I have not been able to keep up with my own expectations. Alas, such is life.
- Oh and I also feel like crap because I have yet to respond to any of your lovely comments lately. Such a total bummer!
Thanks for being here.....
Thursday, December 3, 2015
No seriously, I really think that it did. I know, I have discussed a variety of different theories before as to why I am a cross dresser, but really more as of a joke than anything else. Why do I have gender variances? I believe sincerely that I was born this way.
I do not think that anything that I have experienced in this world has made me into someone who has gender variances. I do not have a fully developed rational for explaining how or why I was born the way that I was, but nonetheless when I came out of the womb, the die was cast and why I enjoy what I enjoy was set.
Now, don't get me wrong.... while I do think that we are born this way, if one were to choose to fight against their natural inclinations then I think that we as humans are strong enough to allow our free will to determine our existence. Meaning, even though I think I was born this way, not even that forces me to be this way. I choose to be this way and I choose to follow my natural inclinations as I do not think there is anything wrong with having been born this way.
Okay... wow.... what an intro.... just to be able to discuss why I think I am a cross dresser. Too many things need to be prefaced nowadays so that folk don't just automatically jump all over you and cry FOUL! Whatevs!
Back onto the hair theory...... I am a cross dresser because I cut off my hair. Many other cross dressers have been so for as long as they can remember. Many have memories of dressing up in their mom's or sister's clothes when they were super young, but me? I don't have those memories. The earliest memory that I have of consciously choosing to wear the other gender's clothing was when I was about 13 or 14 and I took my sister's Guess jean jacket and wore it to middle school. That was the earliest and even then, it took another 8-10 years for me to actively begin wearing female clothes.
Oh sure, I have always had the gender variances. I have always been gender non-conforming. I loved shaving my body. I loved wearing nail polish. I loved female jewelry. Lots of little things like that have been evidenced throughout my entire life, just not the clothing.
Until around the time that I cut off my hair. Some time around my first or second year of high school I decided to start growing my hair out. Thus around my third year of high school I had glorious long blond hair, that I loved! I really did. I absolutely loved it! I also loved how folks would often be confused as to what gender I was, when they viewed me from behind.
And so it went. For many, many years, I had lovely, super awesome, glorious long blond hair! And it was with great sadness that during the second half of my college time I noticed that my hairline was slowly receding. Back and back it crawled. Ever so slowly, ever so insistently, it went back and back, making it clearly evident that I was heading down the path to baldness.
It got to the point that a year after I graduated I realized that I was fighting a loosing battle and my once glorious hair was now looking like I was holding onto some long lost dream. What was once my crowning glory had now become a sad state of affairs.
With great reluctance and sadness I cut my hair to a reasonable length. It stayed that way for a year or two before I finally understood that the only way to have my hair look nice again was to shave it off entirely. Well, okay, not shave, but clip it off entirely.
And while I cannot pinpoint the exact time of me choosing to begin wearing women's clothing, it was sometime around this same time period. Coincidental? Possibly. But the more I think about it the more I realize that I grew my hair out as an expression of my gender and when I cut it off, I lost that very visible, very public expression, and it saddened me greatly.
So.... my theory..... having long hair, which made me appear more feminine.... helped to satiate the desire to appear more feminine in public.... and once that was gone.... I needed a replacement.
So..... um..... yeah..... cutting off my hair made me a cross dresser!