Thursday, December 3, 2015
Cutting Off My Hair Made Me A Cross Dresser!
No seriously, I really think that it did. I know, I have discussed a variety of different theories before as to why I am a cross dresser, but really more as of a joke than anything else. Why do I have gender variances? I believe sincerely that I was born this way.
I do not think that anything that I have experienced in this world has made me into someone who has gender variances. I do not have a fully developed rational for explaining how or why I was born the way that I was, but nonetheless when I came out of the womb, the die was cast and why I enjoy what I enjoy was set.
Now, don't get me wrong.... while I do think that we are born this way, if one were to choose to fight against their natural inclinations then I think that we as humans are strong enough to allow our free will to determine our existence. Meaning, even though I think I was born this way, not even that forces me to be this way. I choose to be this way and I choose to follow my natural inclinations as I do not think there is anything wrong with having been born this way.
Okay... wow.... what an intro.... just to be able to discuss why I think I am a cross dresser. Too many things need to be prefaced nowadays so that folk don't just automatically jump all over you and cry FOUL! Whatevs!
Back onto the hair theory...... I am a cross dresser because I cut off my hair. Many other cross dressers have been so for as long as they can remember. Many have memories of dressing up in their mom's or sister's clothes when they were super young, but me? I don't have those memories. The earliest memory that I have of consciously choosing to wear the other gender's clothing was when I was about 13 or 14 and I took my sister's Guess jean jacket and wore it to middle school. That was the earliest and even then, it took another 8-10 years for me to actively begin wearing female clothes.
Oh sure, I have always had the gender variances. I have always been gender non-conforming. I loved shaving my body. I loved wearing nail polish. I loved female jewelry. Lots of little things like that have been evidenced throughout my entire life, just not the clothing.
Until around the time that I cut off my hair. Some time around my first or second year of high school I decided to start growing my hair out. Thus around my third year of high school I had glorious long blond hair, that I loved! I really did. I absolutely loved it! I also loved how folks would often be confused as to what gender I was, when they viewed me from behind.
And so it went. For many, many years, I had lovely, super awesome, glorious long blond hair! And it was with great sadness that during the second half of my college time I noticed that my hairline was slowly receding. Back and back it crawled. Ever so slowly, ever so insistently, it went back and back, making it clearly evident that I was heading down the path to baldness.
It got to the point that a year after I graduated I realized that I was fighting a loosing battle and my once glorious hair was now looking like I was holding onto some long lost dream. What was once my crowning glory had now become a sad state of affairs.
With great reluctance and sadness I cut my hair to a reasonable length. It stayed that way for a year or two before I finally understood that the only way to have my hair look nice again was to shave it off entirely. Well, okay, not shave, but clip it off entirely.
And while I cannot pinpoint the exact time of me choosing to begin wearing women's clothing, it was sometime around this same time period. Coincidental? Possibly. But the more I think about it the more I realize that I grew my hair out as an expression of my gender and when I cut it off, I lost that very visible, very public expression, and it saddened me greatly.
So.... my theory..... having long hair, which made me appear more feminine.... helped to satiate the desire to appear more feminine in public.... and once that was gone.... I needed a replacement.
So..... um..... yeah..... cutting off my hair made me a cross dresser!