Saturday, August 22, 2015
The Bra Speriment - Results
It has been some time since I published my first post on my bra wearing experiment and the update to that, but I never returned to it to let you know how things panned out with it all. Being as it has been quite a bit since I wrote those posts, I thought I would give a bit of a recap of what my bra speriment has been all about.
For a year or two, or possibly more, I have been pondering the use of hormones to help settle some of my anxiety. My wife and I have been considering if using a light dosage of hormones might help with my mental stability, for lack of a better phrase. As in maybe it might help me to feel a bit better and less out of touch with my own body and possibly feel more satisfied overall.
While I am very open to the potential mental effects of taking some female hormones, I am highly concerned with any potential physical side effects. Certain ones, like fat redistribution I am more open to; I think I would like a bit more of a booty than my minuscule, barely there tush! Of course Jules might beg to differ as she thinks I have an extremely cute butt. Other physical effects, like loss of upper body strength, would really concern me as I am a work-aholic! Especially when it comes to work around the house, like digging trenches and putting in fence posts and splitting large rounds of oak, etc. But I am sure that I could find easy workarounds to those issues.
One concern that I just don't really know if I could deal with, is the potential for breast development. Yeah, okay, sure, some part of me would really enjoy having my own, actual, natural breasts, but the biggest problem with that is that I am not interested in transitioning.
Thus the bra speriment was begun. Which was, instead of taking hormones and potentially developing breasts and then figuring out if I could live my regular, everyday, male, life, why not try and wear a bra, in my everyday regular male life and see if I could live with that. That way, if that is not something that I want to continue to do, then I could just take the bra off, instead of needing a mastectomy
That was the plan and thus I began wearing bras throughout my daily life, with one caveat, I happened to also be on vacation so I wouldn't have to wear them to work. But I wore them pretty much everywhere else: my morning walk around my neighborhood with my dog, while talking with the neighbors in a tank top, to the grocery store, the hardware store, etc.
There were easy times and hard times. Times I felt fantastic, and times I felt embarrassed. Plenty of times, I saw my reflection in a window, or a mirror and I was thrilled at my shape. But many morning, I wanted nothing more than to not have to have the appearance of breasts that day. I pushed myself to do it, all day every day, but there were times when I chose to take it off.
That was a huge tell to me, proving the importance of performing the experiment. And really, showing me the true results of the experiment, I don't want boobs that I can't take off.
Which feels a bit sad to me.
Sometimes it is a bit of a weird feeling being in the middle. Part of me is sad that I really don't want actual boobs, but part of me is really happy about it! Part of me wants boobs and part of me really does NOT want boobs. So weird. So weird that it doesn't really seem to change. Maybe I might have an easier time if the feeling came one day, and just grew and grew and grew until eventually I decide to transition. But that is not me. I am in the middle. Sometimes it ebbs and flows. But mostly it hovers around the middle.
I like bras.