Saturday, August 8, 2015

An Important Reader Comment

Sculpture by Charles Ray shown at The Art Institute of Chicago

Sometimes I feel like the statue above.  Alone and naked, baring my soul for the world to examine.  Thus it is so touching when those of you who find yourselves in similar positions reach out and let me know that I am not alone.  That there are many others out there.

The following is a comment that I wanted to make sure got the voice that it deserves:

Hi Nadine, I commented on your most recent entry on the balance of power, but felt it would be helpful to share a thought here as well. My husband and I read your blog and as I said before, we find it helpful and comforting to see we are not alone. He is transgender, I have known for 10 years now and we have been married almost 20. It has not been easy but we are here, love each other very much and really like being together! Much like you and Jules. So often stories of couples seem to be very negative or just end and end badly. My husband lies along the gender spectrum and transitioning is not what he wants to do. Hence, the presence of folks along the spectrum. Folks like us, you, him are out there-just not enough stories. Reading your blog along with a couple others I have found have given me the courage to reach out and perhaps comfort myself, and reassure others that through this journey, there is optimism and good. I also wanted to let other spouses know they're not alone. You have a wonderful blog for folks! My husband most recently has struggled with a similar dilemma - dysphoria over aligning mentally and perhaps physically with how he feels. Not sure if I explained that right but in any case, he has decided that low dose hrt may be a reasonable option. The physical changes while they may be slight when they occur would be welcome by him but they scare me and him to some degree. That said, we have seen a doctor and spoken about our concerns, etc. I know that this may be the best option for him especially mentally. We continue to communicate and even with our fears-never perfect is it? - we are here and know we want to be here together! Anyway, I hope this helps. Helps us and your experiment is healthy and has given us insight. You too I hope! 
Take care, V

This is such a powerful comment.  I very much appreciate you taking the time V to reach out and leave such a moving note.  It touched me very deeply.

And I think it is important to share here to try and make sure that everyone gets a chance to read it.  It is important to know that we are not alone.  That each of us is an individual, but not a lonely anomaly.  There are lots of us out there, and it is important that we know we are not alone.

Reach out.

Connect with others.

Connect with yourself.

And connect with others.

Love you.

Thanks V!


  1. Hi Nadine!

    I seem to be having trouble posting comments here - hopefully this third time is the charm.

    I'm V's husband and I just wanted to reach out and say (a) thank you for your blog and for posting her comment and (b) isn't she amazing! I am so lucky to have her in my life and with me on this journey. As you know, it's not an easy journey. I can't even imagine doing it without her. We have our good days and our bad days, our fears, our doubts, our selfish times and our selfless times, but we always come back to the same thing -- we want to be together.

    Like many things in life, there is no finish line and so we just have to keep working at it everyday. Finding your blog and the stories of others online has been a huge help and inspiration for us. We have learned that there are others with similar stories, but, more importantly, that we have to find our own path and what works for us.

    And by the way, we went out for a nice dinner together the other night and guess what -- no body came after us with torches and pitchforks! I even went crazy and wore a skirt and -- wait for it -- a t-shirt with my bare arms exposed for the world to see! ;)

    Take care,

    1. Hi Erin!

      Well thank you so much for attempting so many times to get your comment posted. I appreciate it, as I so love hearing from all of my readers. And I think that your and V's story is an important and powerful one. All too often folks like us are seen to be in the minority. Many places that I frequent most couples are in a DADT situation, and that is rough!

      I totally agree with having to keep working at it. A good relationship is an art form that is always changing, always in flux. It takes, time, effort, and energy.

      Good for you for going out to dinner and not getting torched and pitchforked! Yay! Another survivor!

      Thanks again Erin, and to your wife!