Thursday, April 30, 2015

Outfit for 4/30/15 - Felt Cute but Only Looks Okay

Top - White House Black Market
Skirt - 36 point 5
Shoes - Born-O-Concept

Ugh!! The day I wore this was one of those days when I just could not decide on what I wanted to wear!  Often while showering and shaving I will ponder what I want to wear and will come up with some sort of an idea, but on this day I was unable to come up with anything.  Thus, one of my worst things ever occurred, I just started pulling out clothes and tried to mix and match to come up with something that I liked.

I really don't enjoy doing that.  Generally Jules and I will have plans to go somewhere and do something and on this day we were planning on getting our nails done and then doing some shopping.  The nail place opens at 10 and I prefer to be there when it opens.  Otherwise it can get pretty full and then we have to sit and wait.  So... not knowing what to wear and me resorting to trying on outfits to figure it out takes time!!

Suffice to say, I obviously found something to put on and we made it to the nail place and got our nails done with a minimum of hassles.  I think what I need to learn is to relax and understand that things will work out.  Just take them one step at a time.

Okay, so anywho... about the outfit.  I LOVE this sweater.  It is a sweater, but it a very loosely knit sweater and thus is not warm at all.  The breeze just blows right through it.  I also really like this skirt.  It hugs me at just the right places.  I felt cute while wearing it, but the photos do not seem to do it justice.

C'est La Vie!

A few odds and ends:
- I just ordered a new wig.  Same manufacturer, just a slightly different style.  I will obviously let you see how it works!
- I have been asked to contribute to my favorite blog, Already Pretty!!!  OMG, I am SO nervous!  It is not a transgender blog, but through discussions with Sally, she asked me if I would like to do it to help bring a TG presence to her site.  OMG, I am still in shock!
- I have also been asked to contribute to Sister House.  Tasi (the site owner) would like for me to contribute some articles regarding fashion!  Wow, too cool!  (Wow, they like me, they really like me!)
- Drama with my dad's ex wife continues and apparently I will be saddled with that burden for some time! Oh joy!

Okay, gotta run!

Love you!

Stay busy!

Friday, April 24, 2015

Spousal Acceptance

There are often a vast number of factors involved in how one's spouse will react to a reveal of being transgender.  And I cannot possibly be an expert on all possible spousal responses to such a personal and delicate manner.  All I do know is how things have gone with my spouse.  I have lived this life and am quite aware of what it has taken to get to where I am.

And to get to where I am has taken VAST amounts of discussions!  I mean VAST, ENORMOUS, GARGANTUAN, amounts of discussions.  Discussions that have taken place so many times that it is the discussions alone that have often made my spouse question why she is with me.

For you see, my spouse was raised in a family that showed her that you DO NOT discuss things.  You take your troubling thoughts and you stuff them down deep inside and if you do it well enough, then it will be obvious because you will then have NOTHING to talk about and you will then live happily ever after.

Somewhere around 15 or so, when my wife and I started dating each other, after actually knowing each other for about 7 years, I came into her world and started challenging just about everything she had come to know and believe.  The number of issues and topics and suggestions that I brought up blew her mind and were a completely different way of viewing the world.  But regardless of how controversial and weird and upsetting my thoughts were, I have always spoken them.

File:Scream crosathorian.jpgFor I grew up in a family where I was screamed at just about every day of my life.  And eventually the screaming stopped being frightening and just got annoying and silly and stupid.  I knew there had to be another way.  There had to be some way to be able to actually communicate with those around you.  And through communication could come understanding and togetherness and happiness and love.

So from the very start, I have told my spouse that above all else, we need to be able to talk to each other about anything, at anytime.  That no matter what the topic, no matter how upsetting, no matter what, we absolutely MUST keep the lines of communication open!

Thus when asked, "how is it that your wife accepts you as being transgender," my response will always be, because we can communicate.

This in and of itself can be quite controversial for many within the transgender community.  And for that I am sorry.  I do not mean to be implying anything about your relations.  But apparently that comes along with the statement.  For, if I state that my wife accepts me because of our ability to communicate, it implies that for those of you whose spouse does not accept you, that you and your spouse cannot communicate.

And, honestly, while I know that is the implication, I really do not know why your spouse does or does not accept you.  What do I know?  I only know about my relationship.

And I know that for my relationship, for Jules and I to still be together, after all that we have been through since being with each other since 15 (now 43!) it is only through our ability (and my insistence and her willingness) that we communicate NO MATTER WHAT!

So why is this coming up?

Communicate by luceroRecently, due to a previous post, the issue of my wife's bisexuality has come up.  And as soon as that is mentioned, for some people they then think "Aha! Now I know why!  That explains everything!"

And honestly it is just not true.

Maybe at some points it held some relevance.  But being transgender goes beyond sexual preferences and going through the discovery of it together was quite unnerving for both of us.

Maybe a bit of background would make it easier to understand:

For as long as I remember I have been at least gender non-conforming.  The one thing I never really did was to dress up in women's clothes.  (Around fifteen I did take my sister's very stylish Guess jean jacket and start wearing it to school!)  But dressing really did not make an appearance until one time, somehow surrounding sex with my wife, I mentioned something about trying on her underwear.  She was okay with that. Shortly thereafter I asked to try on one of her bras.  She allowed me to do that.  Very quickly it transitioned into me getting my own items to wear.  Which very quickly became me wanting my own clothes to wear over my intimates.  But this was always surrounding some sort of sex.  

(I think it came out during sex because somehow I felt that it was okay if it was just a sexual kink.  Before those first times with my wife, when I was somewhere around twenty three, there had never been any sort of association of arousal with my gender variances.)

Eventually the guilt and the oddness of everything got to me, and I decided to get rid of it all.  So I threw away all that I owned.  (Except for my underwear, because apparently I felt as though that was not TOO weird!)  
Ariel Fashion Dress by VPdessin

Bit by bit, I started gathering back up a collection of female items.  But it was beginning to become separated from our sexual relations.  And one day, while looking at myself fully dressed up in female clothes, from head to toe, and with no wig, no makeup, and a 5 inch goatee, it occurred to me that I wanted to do it all.  I wanted to get a wig, I wanted to try makeup, I wanted to shave my face.  And suddenly all of those things NEEDED to be done.  

And very quickly they were, as well continuing to separate my dressing from sex with my wife.

Then while being fully dressed, from head to toe, full female clothes, wig, makeup, fully shaved, the whole shebang!, it occurred to me that I wanted to go out.  That I felt as though I was hiding myself; that I was ashamed of who I was coming to understand that I am and I didn't want to hide any more.  I wanted to get out and experience the world.  And that had nothing at all to do with sex.  And in fact I began to insist on not having any part of my dressing having anything to do with sex.

So... back to the relationship... All throughout this entire time, my method of approaching this with my spouse was to talk about it, and then do it.  It was not as if I was going and asking for permission.  It was much more along the lines of me respectfully informing her.  And I discussed with her how I felt and how it made her feel.

And everything was fine, until it became clear that what was happening was something more than just a sexual kink.  And possibly, that was where it was helpful that my wife is bisexual.  But in coming to terms with your husband being transgender, being bisexual was NOT helpful.

From what my wife and some other's have informed me, in being bisexual, they are attracted to the attributes of either gender, but for some it does not mean that they appreciate men looking like women or women looking like men.  They like men for what men have to offer and women for what women have to offer.  And for a man to begin acting like a woman, or doing things that a woman traditionally does, that takes away from them the very things that attracted them to the man in the first place.

Thus suffice it to say, me removing my dressing from being a sexual kink and making it clear that this feeling inside of me is about my gender identity and that I am indeed transgender and that really it has NOTHING to do with sex, was very difficult for our relationship.

Have to communicate by Poniusprime
My wife suddenly began to complain about everything that I was doing.  My nails bothered her.  My use of female scented products bothered her.  Me wanting to shave my body hair bothered her, especially my chest!  Oh yeah, my use of lipstick bugged the crap out of her!  Oh and these are all just some of the little things.  Things like going out in public terrified and confused both of us!  And years later, me wanting to tell our friends of my gender variances again confused and terrified both of us!

These were no small issues to overcome where she just said to me "Oh well hey, I'm bisexual so it's all cool!"  And I said "yay!"  And we have lived happily ever after.

These issues took LONG discussions.  Often heated discussions.  Discussions that often left each of us feeling defeated and looking for escape and that we could absolutely not stand to be around each other ever again for even another minute!

And yet here we both still are.

Can I say that it has come about through luck?  Can I say it has come about from her being bisexual?  Can I say it has come about from my insistence to communicate?

I really can't.

What I can say about us is that we are still together because of OUR willingness to actually communicate.  Because it is only through that communication that we have both been able to grow, to learn, to accept who we are, and to accept who the other person is.  These are no small tasks, and the job of learning, growing, and loving is a job that is never done.

I am convinced that no matter who you are, no matter what you have going on in your lives, a relationship takes work.  Every step along the way takes work.  Hard work, but voluntary work.  You don't have to do it.  No one has to have a relationship.  You can leave at any point.  But if you don't, if you both stay together, and both commit to work, to work primarily on yourself, then and only then, I believe a relationship can survive anything.

It is not so much who you are as to who you are willing to become.

Loneliness doesn't come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are important to you. -Carl Jung

Art attributions:

Monday, April 20, 2015

Outfit for 4-19-2015 - I Have Arms!

Dress - White House Black Market
Shoes - Taryn

Oh goodness, I SO love this dress.  I love the fit of this dress so much, I bought a 2nd one that is basically the same dress, just black with white polka-dots.  But I like this one a little bit more than the other one.  This is my favored one because I there is something about this dress that immediately made me less self conscious of my arms.

Arms are one of those "tells" that I often feel very aware of.  My sense of insecurities is so intense it often amazes me.  After all of this time and still I think that doing something like showing my arms is going to cause the masses to finally pitchfork me!  I keep trying to tell myself that regardless of what I think everyone HAS to know that I am a guy in a dress.  And if that is the case, then what difference would it make if I show my arms.  Who cares how many "tells" I give the world?  If they all know that I am a guy anywhere then what does it matter?

It really shouldn't!

Suffice it to say that I am self conscious of showing my arms while dressed as a woman, but when I put on this dress my arms seemed to disappear.  Wow, what a magical dress!  And ever sense I have been trying to determine what it is about this dress that makes it appear that way.

When I look at the above pictures, the picture on the right clearly shows my arms.  And obviously my arms have not shrunk in the dress.  And yet, with the photo on the left, and the one on top, my arms appear smaller to me.

The dress does fit extremely well, thanks to the side zipper on it.  But I don't think that is what does it.  I think it is the large stripes.  Something about the large blocks of color I think makes my arms appear smaller.  I also think the large black stripe right under my bust draws your attention to that spot on my torso.  Which is also awesome as that is the smallest portion of my waist!

I wore this outfit while out shopping this weekend.  It had warmed up and was predicted to be in the upper 80s.  Jules and I went to Macy's, JCPenny's, and Cal Spas, and to Costco.  We had a few things to pick up.  Some makeup, a part for our outdoor spa (yummy!) and of course household goods at Costco.  It was a nice day, and I really did not think about my arms at all!

- Thanks to everyone for their opinions on my photos, yes I did enter the Glamour Boutique contest!
- My puppy is doing great.  We have had him for about 3 weeks now! Yay! Puppy!
- Drama continues to ensue with my dad's ex.  Which sucks! But I am getting through it.

I think that is about it lovelies!

Thanks for everything!

Love you!


Monday, April 13, 2015

My Wife & I Respond to A Reader's Questions - Lesbian Couple?

(I think it is time for an updated picture of us, huh?)

Recently I received the following comment from a reader:

You have very good taste in fashion! 

I'm the wife of a closeted (mostly fetish) crossdresser and stumbled on your blog. It's certainly another side of things that I'm enjoying reading about.

If it's okay to ask, you look very authentic but I was wondering if this doesn't bother your wife? I like being part of a heterosexual couple and I like being seen as such, and one area that saddens me about my husbands dressing is if we were out publicly like you are, we would look like a lesbian couple. Does this upset your wife at all? 

Anyway, sorry if I've derailed your blog. I was just curious if how I feel is common. And can I hire you as a stylist please?!! :)

I will offer my answers first, and then I will post up Jules' thoughts on the questions!

First off, thank you so much for your complements and good for you for reaching out.  Secondly, I love helping anyone work on their style, so if you are serious, I am sure we could figure out some way for me to offer you my assistance!

So, to your more pressing concerns:

Does presenting authentically as a woman bother my wife?

I don't think me looking as you describe has affected her thoughts of me.  This look has taken time to develop and it has not always been as it is now.  I couldn't really correlate her behavior as changes with my appearance.

Does it upset my wife to appear as a lesbian couple and not a heterosexual one?

I would have to say that at first, yeah it kind of did, at least from my perception.  But it didn't really come about much until a few times when some folks would ask her, or me, how we knew each other.  Neither of us really knew how to respond.  We were not really sure that we wanted folks to see us as a married couple or not.  But when it did come up, we discussed it.

That was kind of when some of Jules' thoughts about how we were being perceived came out.  But it really turned into more of a discussion about how both of us we being inhibited by how we thought others were perceiving us.  Thinking that made us both act differently.  It took time and effort for us to both just relax and be willing to be ourselves.

I will say that it is interesting in that when we are presenting as we think that most of society is, straight and non-transgender, we have a perception that we are just like everyone else, that somehow everyone perceives us as "normal."  And thus being as we are perceived as normal, we are part of the group.  We are just like everyone else.  It is hard to stand out from the group.  It is hard to be different.  But the vast majority of it is really only in our own perceptions.  It is the rare person who will make a scene in public.  Most people try very hard to avoid conflicts.  And no one has ever been rude to either Jules or I, towards either my dressing or the possibility that we may be a lesbian couple.

I was curious if how I feel is common?

Um yeah.  How you feel is quite common, from what I can gather.  I am a member of a site: and from what I have read about other couples on that site, your feelings are very common.  Maybe you can visit there and connect with other wives of cross dressers.  It might be comforting being able to chat about your feelings with others in similar situations.

And no, you have not derailed my blog.  I LOVE getting reader's questions.  And if in anyway, I could ever possibly help someone along this terribly bumpy road that we call life, you have given me a wonderful gift!

Best of luck to you!!

Jules' response:

Jules Spirit here, Nadine's wife. I thought I would respond to your comment and share with you and others what I went through regarding going out in public with Nadine when dressed as a woman.

For me, going out with my husband dressed for the first bit left me with a feeling of being uncomfortable. I was not really sure why I felt that way, but I definitely did feel odd. 

At first, I told him that I feel sad that I couldn't interact with him while he was dressed in the same way I did when he was presenting as male. I actually felt angry about this. I did feel odd thinking that people were looking at us if he or I showed any affection out in the world, that people might think we were lesbians.

 But I had to take a step back and look at myself. I am bisexual and have have girlfriends I went out in public with and never once felt weird about showing affection to them. Also, I have never really been someone who cares what other people think about me. So the feelings I was having about my husband were not valid. 

I then came to the realization that my husband acted  different while dressed. He was more insecure and bashful, yet he is rarely to never like this when dressed in drab. After talking to him about this, he also noticed this and has worked hard to just be himself, regardless of how he is presenting. That helped a lot! 

One other thing that has helped a lot is how I think about him when he is dressed. I, too, was acting differently towards him when he was dressed. Now, when he dresses, and we go out, (or stay home), I remember that no matter what clothes my husband is wearing, he is still the same person. He  is the person I love, married, and live with every day.  

I guess my end thoughts about all of this is that the packaging doesn't matter, the person inside does. Anyone who may see us when we are out with him dressed can think anything they want, because the only person I care about what they are thinking is my husband.

I hope this helps you through this very interesting time period in your life and marriage.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Help me Choose - Glamour Boutique's Contest

Awhile back, Meg's post, vaguely interested me.  I thought about it here and there and I have returned to it several times and visited Glamour Boutique's web page more than once and read and reread the information about the contest.  Honestly I am still unsure if I will be entering the contest or not.

I am not quite sure what my motivation is behind wanting to enter it.  I have never shopped at that site, so receiving money to spend there is not of much interest to me, though I do always enjoy shopping and buying new things.  I do also possess quite a competitive spirit, so maybe that is it.  Or maybe I am interested in gaining more exposure for this blog.  Hmmm.... who knows.

Here are some official things about the contest:

The annual Glamour Girl Picture Contest is now open for entries which should consist of your most glamorous m to f transformation full-length pose. Up to 3 images per entrant (but one is enough) will be received but at least one should be full-length and sent to

Whilst there is absolutely no need for professional images, we advise you to ensure the lighting is good enough so that the judges can clearly see features in a full-length pose. If the facial features such as eyes are hidden by shadows or blurred photography then it is difficult for the judges to see you at your full potential.

JUDGING - Main criteria being considered by judges is the natural glamour and beauty of the m to f transformation before them in picture format. Secondary consideration will be the quality and clarity of the image(s). 

So anywho..... I have searched through about 7 years of pictures (only about 3000 of them) and have picked out 9 that I like.  Which for your general info is about 0.3% of them.  I have asked Jules which ones she likes and now I am asking you, faithful readers, which three would you submit?










Okay, there you have it.  The nine pictures that I think meet the criteria the best.  Though I am not so sure about any of the ones with the sunglasses. Maybe that is not what they are going for?  It does say they want to be able to see your eyes.  So there is that.

Whateves.... So, please tell me which three you would pick!

And maybe I will get around to entering the darn thing.  I mean really how could it hurt?


Sunday, April 5, 2015

Outfit for 4-5-2015 - Big Arms/Small Arms

Top - White House Black Market
Skirt - Guess
Shoes - Nickles
Belt - Mossimo

Recently, my good friend Vivian sent me a picture of her in a super cute top, but I told her that I didn't really like the arms of it very much because they were too "puffy" for me.  Honestly, I liked everything about the top except for the arms!  She texted me back and informed me that I better get used to it because puffy arms were all over the stores.  And wouldn't you know it, the very next time I was shopping at my current favorite store, White House Black Market, I found this top, and what does it have puffy arms!

Okay, so Vivian, I take it back!  Can I still do that?  Or do I have to permanently be against puffy arms?!  Ha!

When I tried it for Jules, she also did not like the puffy arms.  But, I thought that maybe it made my arms look smaller.

So what do you all think?

Oh and another thing, I wasn't so sure about the belt, but I think it totally helps to give me some shape.  Without it the top looks pretty big on me.  I purposely chose the skirt I have on because it is a bit looser and I think it helps to balance out the largeness of the top.

Jules and I went out on this day and got our nails done:


We have had our new puppy for a week and a day, and he is doing great!  We are pretty tired, but he is great!  Oh and we decided to stick with the name of Indy.  He is a total cutie!

Okie dokie folks!

Love you!