Wednesday, August 27, 2014
The first tale I told of coming out this summer was to my friends M & T. That was a fantastic experience. This tale is maybe not as exciting but it was just as special to me.
While discussing my gender with M & T they asked if I had told J yet. J is a friend of T and has over the years become a friend of mine as well. He is a great guy. But I still had more than a bit trepidation in discussing my gender with him. It had occurred to me in the past, but I did not really see any reason to open up to him. He never asked, and I never felt any need to offer.
But, then again, I found out from M & T, that actually J was interested. It turns out that the three of them had had some discussions regarding my gender presentations. M & T told me that I had to let him know what was going on.
So.... I decided to tell him, but just wasn't sure how to go about it as I don't see him that often and had no plans to see him in the future. Also it is highly unlike us to talk on the phone. So.... I decided to text him.
What follows is the transcript of that conversation:
Hey J. Hope you are well. I know this text is totally out of the blue but Jules and I were at M & T's yesterday and your name came up.
Hey man! How are you doing? How is Jules' rehab going?
I was talking to them and explaining my gender issues and they said you had pondered about it with them. So I thought I would include you in the conversation a bit.
Sounds like an interesting talk you guys had. How did this come up?
Basically what I have concluded is that I am transgendered first off. secondly I am gender non-conforming. And lastly I occasionally fully cross dress. No, I am not interested in becoming a woman. I think of myself as existing somewhere in the middle. Yeah out of the blue, but I just wanted to be out there and honest. Cause you know whatever.
Well I appreciate your honesty. I say very cool - I think people should "own" who they are and be happy in their own skin. I've never known a gender non-conformist, so I have to say it's pretty fascinating. I assume this is no secret to Jules. I knew your relationship wasn't exactly traditional. But I have to say you guys are one of the happiest couples I know. T on the other hand is not always the most open minded person. Did you blow his mind?
Well thanks. It has taken me oh about thirty years to begin to get a grip on any of this. So for those not personally involved it is a bit of an unknown area. I'd be happy to answer any questions if you have them. Jules has known about everything as I discovered it. T was totally cool. Very accepting. We really should hangout and talk sometime. I just didn't want to wait till whenever that might be.
Good to know. T is mellowing with age. Must be M's influence. We should definitely hang out one of these days. Haven't seen M & T this summer either.
Jules is doing better. She is getting stronger all the time. Still recovering but doing better than expected. We have had a good summer and hope you have also.
You definitely surprised me! Of course I noticed you paint your nails occasionally, but I also knew you you are interested in women, But you are one of the coolest people I know, and what people do on their own time is none of my beeswax. So you go! Had a busy summer here. mostly mountain stuff. Spending the last part of summer with the wife on Maui! Glad to hear Jules is on the mend.
Cool. We are jealous about Maui. Oh and with the gender stuff, it is totally not a sexual thing and yes I am 100% heterosexual. ALL the time. It really is mostly just doing things and wearing clothes normally reserved for women.
I figured as much. Be careful up there around those hicks; they aren't known for being open minded. I think it is very cool that you aren't a cookie cutter, standard issue person. See we can talk about meaningful stuff and not just our stock portfolios and our jobs!
Well thanks man! And overall over the years people have amazed me with their kindness. I have hope in humanity again.
I'm trying to have some hope as well. I have plenty of time to be a curmudgeon later in life.
Take care and enjoy the rest of your summer.
Good talking with you my friend. Let's hangout soon.
Pretty cool. huh? Good golly people sure do impress the heck out of me. I think one thing about people and then they prove me totally wrong. All I need to do is to give them a chance to be awesome and the people I know step right up and prove themselves to be better than I ever imagined!
Love you all!!
Please show yourself some love.
You deserve to be loved.
Most importantly by yourself.
If you love yourself, others will follow.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Sweater - 89th & Madison
Top - Charlotte Russe
Skirt - American Apparel
Shoes - Guess
Purse - Coach
I found these shoes a couple of weeks ago while Shopping at TJMaxx. They are fairly impractical, but I thought that maybe I'd be able to actually walk in them, and at only 40 bucks I decided to get them. Then came the fun part, what to pair them with?
Jules and I had planned to go to Vegas to provide some care for my dad and I knew I would take some time for myself and these shoes were SO coming with me. Jules and I worked together to come up with the outfit above. I chose what I did as the clothes were a bit more subdued which allowed my shoes to get more attention.
In the end I was able to wear them, no blisters, and my feet were undamaged.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Top - Patty Boutique
Skirt - Guess
Shoes - Aerosoles
While figuring out what to wear today I had originally put on a different skirt, but it just didn't seem to be sitting quite right. I had thought that maybe it was due to not having any hips pads in, so I put in my mini hips pads. But that still didn't seem to make the skirt work. I took it off and put on this skirt.
This skirt happens to be one of my go to skirts. I really like it a lot. It is small and snug and cute! Jules and I were standing around talking while continuing to get ready and she told me that I should remove the hip pads. I pulled them out and her response was that it made me look like a super model - skinny, hot, and no hips. After a comment like that, I was sold!
Today we went to the movies. We had been wanting to see Lucy for a bit and got the chance to. I was so thrilled with our choice. Since it has been out for awhile and it was an early show, there was only one other person in the theater. I don't care at all about being dressed and around people; it is just that other theater goers have been really bugging me lately. Two out of the last three times I have had someone sit behind me and start tapping on the row of my seats with their foot! Ugh! Drives me crazy! I generally try and politely let them know they are bugging me and eventually normally just move. But this time was great! Only one other person even there! Fantastic!
The only problem? The movie wasn't very good. We both love Scarlett Johansson, (umm, total hotty!!) but other than her the movie was pretty lame!
Hmm... other than that? My life appears to continue its wacky, wacky, course! Just as I think things are getting back to normal, after Jules' leg smashing from last year, my workload has gone frickin bonkers and oh yeah, so has my dad.
I haven't spoken much of my dad here. Oh kind of because he is a really unkind person. Here is the long and short of it. My mom died back in '95, he remarried shortly thereafter to someone twenty years younger than him. She wanted to be mom, but I was 25 and my sister was 28. We were thrilled for him but didn't need a mom. She got pissy and basically told him it was us or her. He chose her. Fast forward about 20 years and guess what? His health is failing him, he went bankrupt, has pulled all equity out of his house, is loosing his pension, has early signs of dementia, and his wife left him at the end of June.
And my dear old dad has called and asked for my help. I am attempting to help but wow, it is tough. Tough, tough, tough, tough! It really feels like whenever I think I am stretched to the thinnest that I could possibly be life says, oh no you are going to need to handle so much more, good luck!
Oh well! Such is life!
Thanks for being here, I really do appreciate you, my constant readers!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Dress - White House Black Market
Shoes - Nine West
Necklace & Earrings - Target
Bracelet - Silver Store in Santa Monica
This is my second white dress. The first one I got from JC Penny. This one is of a much better quality. And I super love it! I really wasn't sure if I was going to be able to fit in it, but it has a back zipper. Thus I was able to slip it on and zip it up. The only thing that is a but tight are the arms. But alas that is a common issue with the Popeye arms I possess. Well maybe that was a bit harsh on myself. But I do have largish forearms.
Anywho I wore this dress for a dinner out in Las Vegas. We chose to go to a Korean BBQ place. What a perfect place to wear my new white dress! I mean Korean BBQ is not messy at all! Can you sense my sarcasm? Well surprisingly I didn't get a single spot on my nice new dress! Yay! :)
Jules and I enjoyed our dinner out with our friends Vivian and Edward and it was a rather mellow evening.
That's all folks!
Thursday, August 7, 2014
This summer I have been really struggling with what to wear in what locations. Generally if I am sticking around the house I will wear female shorts and some shoes sometimes male, sometimes female, and maybe a female tank top. But the thing that has bee bugging me is that when I need to go into town for something, say a Lowe's run for project supplies, I will change my clothes to be more socially acceptable. Meaning, I get out of my female clothes and put on male clothes. Which is a bit odd, in my own opinion. I will keep my fingernails painted and I will use my obviously female wallet, but the clothes, especially the short shorts, well now that would just be too over the top.
But this summer I have been pushing myself to expand my own level of comfort with what I choose to wear. I kind of have been calling BS on myself about how I think I accept myself. Most of you who cross dress may know the following argument - well I am okay with what I choose to wear, but I know society isn't thus I will wear what society wants me to wear so that I won't upset anyone else. I have challenged that thinking and worn whatever and nobody has said a damn thing!
Thus I found myself driving to Jules' and mine good friend's house, M & T, in full female clothing, but not dressed as a female. I had on flip flops, shorts, and a tank top, all female, but not blatantly so, well except maybe the shorts. On the way there I mentioned to Jules' that I thought I would finally talk to M & T about my gender issues. She agreed that it would be a good thing to do.
We arrived at their house and the only thing that was said about my clothing was from T. He is a real joker and commented it looked like I was dressed as a sailor; my tank top was white with little black stripes running across it. He meant nothing by it and I took it in stride.
I wanted to tell them at the right time,and so I stalled. We were all hanging out and Jules' caught me, in private, at some point and said to me "tell them!" I gave her some look, to which she responded "M asked me when you were going to just transition."
I have known M & T since about '91. Since that time I have slowly let more and more of my gender non-conforming behaviors come out. And M & T have observed much of it but I have never specifically talked to them about it. I have just done me and they have always just accepted me for me and thus I never felt any need to explain myself.
Hearing Jules tell me what M thought, that I was in the process of transitioning solidified my decision to discuss it all with them. I waited a bit more til we were done with dinner and we were just hanging out. I forget exactly how I brought it up, but I explained to them my newly discovered my self ascribed label, transgender, gender non-conforming, and an occasional cross dresser. And yes I am 100% heterosexual and no I have no interest in transitioning.
They we not taken back by my reveal in the least. It went so well, I pulled out my iPad and showed them the following:
To which they replied that I was beautiful and wondered how it was possible to have such great looking boobs! Now let me make it clear, M & T, are a male and female couple. And while M, the female has been my friend for longer, T is still a good friend of mine, and I was quite concerned how he was going to take it all. He was great! In fact he offered up that he recently started shaving his legs and wearing some shorter shorts and agreed with me that we should all be able to wear whatever we want to wear. He explained to me how self conscious he is about his own choices and how everyone hassles him about it. I questioned him on that and he relented and admitted that nobody had ever said anything, but he knew what they were thinking about him. I had to laugh! Oh how we all suffer from such horrible insecurities! I was worried about what they would think of me and what is T stressing about? The same thing! Hilarious & sad!
Anywho, M & T expressed how happy they were for me that I was finally willing & able to share this part of me with them. They felt honored that I told them. We all hugged and told each other how much we all loved each other. It was quite touching.
I left feeling wrapped in warmth and glowing. It was something that I should have done long ago!
Live & Learn huh?
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Top - Guess
Tank - Walgreens
Shorts - Eunina Jeans USA
Flip Flops - Flojos
I put this all together but was really unsure of the look. I often get ideas and try them and out and self assess while looking in the full length mirror. This time I thought it looked okay, but was still a bit unsure. Having the lace peeking out of the top of the white shirt really makes that area of my chest quite prominent. I don't really have a problem with that, but I think too much emphasis can be not quite right for social settings.
I was still a bit iffy on the outfit but I walked out into the room where Jules was and she loved the outfit. She expressed how much she liked it several times and then pondered if she could figure out the same sort of pairings with some of her clothes. It was right about then that I decided that it must look pretty good.
This outfit was worn to go get our nails done, thus the flip flops. And then we went and did some Costco shopping. Does anyone else notice a trend? Lots of Costco shopping while dressed? Well yeah, the Costco near us is about an hour and half away from us. So it is a nice non-local place to get out.
Alrighty then. I think I mentioned before how backed up I am on posts. Some upcoming highlights include:
- many outfits that have yet to be posted
- a super simple coconut oil sugar scrub
- several tales of a summer spent coming out to friends