Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Outfit for 12/30/14 - A Night In Vegas

Purple Top - White House Black Market
Black Tank - Patty Boutique
Jeans - 7 For All Mankind
Boots - Nine West

I really like this purple top and have been attempting to fit it into an outfit for several months now.  I find it to be funny with how that goes with certain clothes; I will try them on, buy them, and then hang them in the closet until I figure out how and when to where them. When I decide to dress up, I go into the closet and examine my options, try on different things, and go with whatever works on that day.  But occasionally some clothes will continually be placed back into the closet and not get worn,  I feel like they call out to me and say "Hey, what about me, wear me, wear me!"  And then when I decided to not wear them they cry!

Okay they don't really cry; I know it is all just in my mind.  But still this top was begging to be worn and I just couldn't figure it out.  Button down tops, even super girly ones, often give a rather masculine look to them.  So every time I put on this top, I just saw dude.  But on the day that I actually decided to wear it, I was so fed up with not being able to dress I told myself I had to figure out how to wear it, and thus I did.

I have not been dressing up much lately.  Life has been full lately.  Isn't it funny, no matter how full life seems to get, there is always room for more!  On the night I wore this, I happened to be in Vegas.  I had brought clothes to dress up every night, but alas, out of the four nights I was there, I was only able to dress on my last night there.

The reason I was out in Vegas is because of the on going saga with my father.  A brief update - back in July my dad, who I have not spoken with much over the last five years or so phoned me and told me he recently divorced from his second wife.  I went out to see him and realized his health was failing and he was experiencing quite a bit of dementia.  I started to get him help and had a team evaluating his situation.  We got to a point where we needed to hire a lawyer to separate his finances from his ex's.  He spoke to his ex about it and she convinced him that he could not trust me and could only trust her.  He told me he no longer wanted my assistance in any way and that he could take care of himself.  So... I pulled out and waited.

A couple of months later and he ended up in the hospital and they would not allow him to leave.  The ex then began taking everything she wanted, including things like my dead mother's china.  I got back involved when I was contacted by my aunt asking if I could go gather up my dad's personal possessions before the ex took everything.

Thus I found myself out in Vegas trying to help how I could.  Now I find myself embroiled in this very messy situation.  I have no idea where I stand legally with what I am doing.  He has been declared incompetent, his ex still has power of attorney.  He has been signed over to the state of Nevada for a public guardian.  The divorce states they each get 50% but the ex is taking way more.  My father is slowly giving up on living and appears to be slowly drifting off further and further.  There is a family trust, but it still states that the ex gets everything if he should die.  And I can not find any mention of what happens if they get divorced.

And now I sit here stunned, trying to write a blog post and finding myself just babbling about all of this drama!  Uggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!  I have heard of people who have done what my dad's ex has but I never really wanted to think that it happens in real life, only daytime soap operas!  But alas, it is true.  My dad married this woman, gave her everything, and she spent it all.  He is broke, is slowly dying, and she is trying to take things like his personal rings!

Do you know what I need?  I need a lawyer!  This sucks!

Love you.

Love your family.

And remember, your children can't divorce you.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate my dad?  How horrible he made my life growing up?  How people told him that someone was sexually abusing my sister, and he did nothing except for get mad at her?  Yeah, he is a fuck.  But at the end of the day, he is still my father, and I have morals.

Too bad he could never see that.  Too bad that he could never understand that no matter what, he is my father, and I can not divorce him.

Love you!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I Saw A He-She The Other Day

OMG, he did not just say that directly to me, did he?

My other coworker asked for clarification and the first guy repeated "I saw a he-she the other day.  You know a guy that was dressed as a girl."

I sat there stunned.  Was he really relaying this story?  Was he really relaying this story to me?  Was he fishing for information about me?  Clearly he discovered something about me and was wanting to out myself.

He then began to recount his story.  "I was driving home the other day and I saw this person on the street corner waiting to cross the street and sure enough I caught the red light and they crossed right in front of me.  And that is when I knew for sure that they may have been dressed as a girl, but that was a guy!  And I couldn't believe that was happening right here in this town!  Man, where have the rednecks gone?"

I was shell shocked.  Here was my coworker, ridiculing another transgender individual.  And here I am in a position to be able to stand up for this nameless person.  And yet I hesitated.  My emotions were telling me that I should fight, flight, or freeze.  Instead I contemplated my options and the situation.

First off, did he not know that I am also TG?  Clearly no.  Even though my ears are pierced, my nails are painted, I occasionally wear female clothes, my body is shaved, my eyebrows are shaped, clearly this guy can't go to that on occasion I dress just like that person on the street.  Funny.  I know he was not fishing for information and wanting me to out myself.  It was the way he told his story that I knew that was not what he was doing.  He was just talking to a bunch of guys about something that most guys would relate to his opinions.

It is so funny.  Before I did any gender non-conforming behaviors in my daily life, I was sure that if I did, everyone would know that I am TG and they would ridicule me and pitchfork me!  But no, here I was, clearly being included in his male centered world and treated just as if I was just like him!  It is true that plenty of people at work have their suspicions about me and I am sure that one or two know the truth for sure, but some people only see what they are capable of seeing.  

And at first, I was angry and then I took pity on him and felt sorry for him and his ignorance and I decided that I was not going to attempt to enlighten him.


It would serve no purpose in my work scene for me to do so.  It would most likely damage my working relationship with him to do so at this point.  And I need to continue to have a good working relationship with him.  Maybe one day I will enlighten him, but it would not be on this day.

On this day I simply said "The world is an amazing place with amazing people in it."

He gave me a look and then the conversation moved on to the next irrelevant topic.

Hmm... Life.


Love you!

Monday, December 15, 2014

Conflicting Desires


This was a really full weekend.  It started off on Friday after work with a staff Christmas party.  Normally these events are rather dull and boring but this one was a riot.  My boss was pouring shots and having people pass them out.  Very funny stuff.  And no, I was not dressed pretty, but it was still fun.  Oh, but yeah my fingernails were painted in a holiday theme - Red with two accent nails with gold sparkles on them.  Cute!

Then on Saturday I took my boss out to the duck field.  He has been wanting to get out there and try it and has been bugging me to take him with me.  So about three weeks ago I set the date for the two of us to go together.  Everything was all set and then my friend, Jennifer sent me an email asking me to go to the River City Gems Sparkle event.  I had never heard of this event before, but upon looking it up, it sounded like it would be super fun, but alas, I had previous plans.  So my dressing and socializing took a backseat to hunting and fulfilling prior obligations.  My boss and I had a good time on the field.  He got his first duck! And I was happy and proud that I had helped facilitate that.  :)

I had totally planned, after these two work related events, to dress up nice on Sunday and go get my nails done and maybe catch a movie.  It was something I was planning on that helped me to get through the week.  But as luck would have it, on the way home from the duck field my boss invited me to a pheasant hunt on Sunday.  I have walked that field hundreds of times and have come back with nothing!  Only twice, maybe, have I ever gotten a pheasant.  But this time we would be going out with the guy who planted the cage raised pheasants.  It was a hell of an opportunity.  But it meant deciding between my divergent desires.  From the picture on the top of the page, you can tell which choice I made!

Thus I have no new outfit picture to post.  But I did have a great time and I was happy for taking advantage of the opportunity that life provided for me.  It was not what I had planned for, but as I said, I was still quite happy for doing it.  Oftentimes I am fearful of doing that which is new to me.  Going hunting with folks that I don't know is intimidating for me.  So I pushed myself and enjoyed my time!  The guys I hunted with complemented me on my skills and ended the day with telling me I am a great guy.  I thought it was funny.  A bunch of hunting guys telling me I am a great guy and never once acting weird in anyway that my fingernails are painted quite brightly!

Anywho... I had a full, but great weekend.  I hope you all had a good time with whatever you chose to do!

Love you!

Paint your fingernails!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

From Male to Female - Transformation Pictures

                                      7 AM                                     10 AM

This day started off with walking my dog on unknown streets.  My and wife and I has spent the previous evening hanging out with friends a few hours away from our house.  Instead of driving home we stayed overnight. I begin everyday by walking my dog.  The picture on the left is while I was out on that walk.

This happened to be the day that I forgot my socks, mentioned in my previous post.  While on the drive home from our friends town, I took some selfies.

Which picture do I like more?  The fem one.  Not because I don't like my male self, it's just that I think it is a fairly goofy looking picture of me.

I do believe this is the first picture of me dressed as a male that you can clearly see my face that I have ever posted on my blog.  There is a certain amount of fear involved in doing so.  But I suppose I am feeling brave today.

But I am also less fearful of the consequences of my male world discovering my female side.  They mostly know anyways, so what is there really to be afraid of?  Fear itself!

BTW - Do you notice how much whiter my teeth look in my fem picture?  Weird.  Cameras are weird!

Love you!

Love yourself.

Face your fears.

They only bite occasionally!  ;)

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Outfit for 12-7-14 - Forgotten Socks

Top - Max Studio
Jeans - 7 For All Mankind
Shoes - Born O Concept

I was so bummed this morning while getting dressed; I had forgot my socks for the boots I wanted to wear with these jeans.  Such an unfortunate circumstance.  I brought the boots with me, but not the right socks.  In fact, I had no socks at all with me this morning.  So it was particularly good that I had my trusty strappy wedges with me.  Ever since I bought those shoes, I have worn them so much!  They are so versatile.

But I was indeed bummed about not having the ability to wear what I wanted to.  Lately I have been trying to pack more lightly.  Normally I pack about 10-20 outfits for a possible 1 outfit day.  Which is total overkill, but it generally prevents from happening what happened today.  I brought a pair of jeans and a skirt.  I also brought about three different tops.  Everything interchanged thus I could have made six different outfits.  But I forgot the right undergarments for the skirt, which cut out half of the potential outfits right off the bat. And then I found out, while pulling my clothes out of my suitcase, I had forgotten any socks!  Wow!

What I learned from this trip is, packing lighter is nicer.  I have less stuff to lug around with me.  But in order to pack lighter successfully, I will need to layout every piece of the each outfit, including all appropriate undergarments and socks!

Anyway... I think the outfit I decided on worked out well enough.  I, of course, love my new skinny jeans.  I love them even more with the passing of time and more opportunities to wear them come about.  I also really like the Max Studio top.  It is super form fitting, thus along with the skinny jeans, they both work together to make me look super skinny.  Which I think is great for wearing horizontal stripes.  I also think the edges look good enough.

Okay.  That's it for now.

Thanks for all of the great support after my last post.  You all are so nice!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Wear jeans!

Friday, December 5, 2014

Posing for Pictures


Occasionally my wife and I will look at pictures of other cross dressers and frequently Jules has commented that the person would look so much better by standing in a different way.  For a little while now I have been taking pictures of myself in different poses so I could demonstrate what my wife is talking about.  Oh and I read once that women naturally pose well for pictures; uh... no.  It is a learned skill, so read on lovelies!

Let's start with the pictures on top.  On the left is my frumpy stance.  Okay, there is my super cute dog in the background, but what about me?  1st - my feet are about shoulder width apart.  Which, even with my killer skirt makes my lower half look very blocky.  I try to keep this in mind even while walking, thus I tend to try and walk with my knees close together and my ankles brushing.  2nd - My arms at straight down at my waist.  This makes my shoulders look extra blocky as well.  3rd - My shoulders are slumped.  Well slouching looks good on no one!  It makes my shoulders look extra big and makes me look less confident.  4th - lastly, my chin is down.  This makes my neck look extra thick and also makes me look less confident.

1st - I again have my legs about shoulder width apart.  Well for me, I am surprised on how chubby that makes me look!  Wow, look at that belly!  2nd - My arms are down at my waist, again making my shoulders look extra large.  3rd - Slouching shoulders again!

With the picture on the right I am doing a couple of things that maybe you don't notice.  One of them is I am leaning back a little bit.  This really pulls my shoulders back and decreases their appearance.  So many people think that by slouching people will not notice how big their shoulders are when exactly the opposite is true!  The other thing I am doing in this photo is that I am slightly angled to the camera.  This provides for a more slimming profile.

1st - My legs are again about shoulder width apart.  Can you see yet that it is super important to put your feet together when taking a photo?  2nd - my arms are again down at my wised.  Both of these things combine to make me look very blocky!  And very male!

1st - again with the legs shoulders width apart.  2nd - the hands at my sides.  Even in this cute dress, the combo of those two things totally screams Dude in a Dress to me!

1st - The same problem with my feet being apart.  They are closer together than some of the other photos, but still with having them not be together it just looks wrong.  Like I am encouraging the viewer to look up my skirt!  2nd - the hands at my sides again!

The photo on my right, notice that I am very angled to the camera.  It so emphasizes my skinny!

So now with a set of three different photos.  In the 1st I have the same basic problems, my feet are far apart and my hands are at my sides.  In the middle photo, I have put my feet together, which looks better.  But in the last photo I have a little tilt to my hips, a bend at my knee and my hand is on my hip.  Way more girly in that last photo!

Cameras are great, but they also severely suck!  They are not interested in automatically capturing our best sides and making us look great!  They take a snapshot of whatever we are presenting.  And often, it does not look as good as it could.

With just simple things like, putting your feet together, bending a leg a little, putting your hands on your hips, twisting your torso a little, putting your shoulders back, lifting your chin up, those little things will go a long way to making you look your absolute best!

Love you.

Take pictures of yourself!

Be proud of who you are!

Love you again!

Monday, December 1, 2014

Opinions Are Like...

Within the last few months this blog has had some ups and downs.  A few months ago the number of visitors to my blog practically doubled overnight.  I was shocked at the number of new visitors.  It was interesting actually in that the number of visitors doubled but the number of comments actually went down.

Blogging is weird.  I like it, but it is weird.  I often wonder: Who am I writing this blog for, the reader, or the writer?  I suppose the reality is a little bit of both.

If I was purely writing this blog for the readers then maybe I would not write some of the things that I do.  I would probably stick to non-controversial subjects.  Funny.  Being a cross dresser is controversial in and of itself.  Not that I think it is, but many in the public appear to.  

Recently I wrote a post about not being a Halloween costume.  After that post the number of visitors to my blog dropped in half.  A bit of investigation revealed the cause of both my up and down.  A very popular blogger had included me on their reading list.  But after the controversial post, they removed me from their personal reading list.  

That particular blogger had posted up about their Halloween adventures in fem and clearly had taken offense at my opinion.  This really made me think, why am I blogging?  Am I blogging to please the public, or at least a segment of the public, or am I blogging for myself?  Do I care about numbers of visitors more, or being true to myself?

The answer is, I care more about being true to myself.  I care about my readers, in fact I am amazed that anyone reads the drivel that I spew.  But I will not compromise my beliefs to increase a page count.  What beliefs are those?  The one that says, there is nothing wrong with voicing an opinion.  

I voiced an opinion, that personally, for me, I choose to not dress as a woman on Halloween.  I am sorry that is so upsetting for some of you.  But in voicing my opinion on this topic, I never said that I don't think you should dress.  I simply said, that I would not do that.

If by voicing my opinion you choose to not read my blog anymore, that is your choice.  But instead of getting upset and leaving, I really wish you would voice your opinions on the topic, whatever it may be.  Begin a dialogue.  Talk.  Voice your opinion.

All too often, throughout my life, my opinions have proven to be controversial.  Generally what has happened is that I voice an opinion and instead of someone giving me an opposing viewpoint to consider, they have gotten upset.  If they say anything, they tell me that I have upset them.  That is not voicing an opinion about the topic at hand, it is voicing an opinion on a new topic; that I should not speak up about how I see the world. 

Well for you constant readers of my blog, please understand, while I know my opinions are controversial on occasion, the thing I love the most is a good dialogue.  And good dialogues often come from opposing viewpoints.  

So, if you ever disagree with me, be brave and tell me your opinion.  I would love to hear it!

Speak up for yourself.

Be brave.

It is important!

Love you!

- Oh and yeah as a footnote to this conversation, some of you might be surprised at the number of cross dressing bloggers I have reached out to and attempted to make some sort of network with, but they are not interested in any sort of cross promotion with me.  Which I find to be funny.  I think we need to stick together, even if we disagree with each other's views.  Far more often than not, CDing bloggers don't want to have anything to do with me.  We should not be so divided, if we can't support each other, can we honestly expect any support from the general public?