Monday, September 29, 2014

Manly Enough?

These past few weeks I have been joking around with Jules, my wife.  On the discussion board,, a topic that often comes up is how manly a cross dresser is and whether or not we are being respectful of the needs of our spouses or significant others.  Apparently, being as the people that are with us are with us primarily because we are men, we need to make sure that we show them that we are still men.

Hmm.... Interesting stuff that makes my mind go in many different directions.  First off, that is a pretty big assumption huh?  That our other's need us to somehow be manly enough.  Like there is some sort of definition of what makes someone a man.  Again I was joking with Jules, saying that maybe I need to wear more dirty blue jeans, spurs, a cowboy hat, and chaps.  She was with me about being manly, until I got to the chaps part, then she said I was describing a gay man, and not a manly man!  Funny!!!!

Anywho, I thought of this frequently while I have been working in my yard.  We have lived in our house for about ten years and the entire time we have had very low water pressure.  I have invested lots of time, effort, energy and money into solving the problems we have been having.  Nothing seemed to work and it just appeared to get worse.  So I called in an expert and he charged me about $175 to tell me what needed to be done.  And the scope of the project would be epic!  Basically I would need to replace the main water line going into the house and then replace all of the outdoor irrigation lines as well. At the time that he informed me of this, I felt that while it was true that it needed to get done, what he suggested was pure fantasy.

But the way my brain works, one thing led to another, and I have found myself immersed in this ginormous project.  I have rented a trencher, trenched about 1000 feet of trench, laid and cemented pipe, learned how to weld copper water lines, destroyed granite boulders in my way, chainsawed giant dead oak tree roots, worked my hands tell they were bloody, gotten up and started working in the dark of the early morning, and worked until dinner and then worked a bit more.

More often than not, I come in for dinner, covered in mud, blood, and sweat.  My clothes have been ripped and destroyed, my yard is a massive construction zone, and even with every single muscle in my body screaming out in agony, I still get my ass up off the couch and get out there and keep working.

And while in my exhausted state, I occasionally take a break, hang out with Jules, and tell her that it is a gosh darn shame that I am a cross dresser and just not manly enough to please her! We both laugh and then I go back to work.  It is especially funny as I am wearing my old fem jeans that have been retired to yard work status!

But really, is this what being a man is?  Like if I didn't do all this, then somehow I wouldn't be a man?  Or that a woman would somehow be unable to do what I have done?  What ridiculous and antiquated notions we have about what a man and a woman is.  Maybe those images are what most of society think a man or woman should be?

At the end of the day, I am happy being be.  I am happy that I can work my ass off, and make my muscles ache to the point that I just don't think I can scoop a single more shovel full of dirt, that I can swing a ten pound sledge above my head and destroy the granite boulders in my way.  But that I can also shave my body, put on that dress, wig and makeup, and go have fun with a spouse that enjoys being with her husband as well as her wife.

I am who I am.  I exhibit both manly and feminine characteristics and I love it!  I love me and what I am able to accomplish.  Either way I go, you will rarely find me sitting on my laurels and watching as life passes me by.

Love you.

Love yourself.

Get off the couch!

Photo courtesy of -

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Super Simple Sugar Scrub

I was shopping in a Walgreens a while back and I purchased a small container of sugar scrub.  It cost somewhere between 5 - 10 dollars.  I am always looking for a good exfoliating scrub and this stuff worked great.  Before this I had been using an exfoliating scrub from Clinique, which is great, but a bit pricey.  After Jules and I had gone through a few containers of the Walgreens scrub, I decided to try my hand at making my own.

Here are the steps I took:

Step one:
Gather your materials - plain white sugar, coconut oil (I got mine at Costco,) and a container

Step two:
Place some sugar into your container.

Step three:
Place some oil into your container.

Step four:
Mix it all together.

Step five:
Now take it into the shower and scrub yourself!  Be careful though, the oil tends to make the floor a bit slick!  I have never fallen after using it, but I am also careful!  Also, the ants will love it, so you might have to control them as well.  I personally use "ant chalk," purchased in various shops in different China Towns.

Sometimes I will not soap off after using it and just allow the oil to soak into my parched skin, which feels great!  Other times I will soap off the excess.

The great thing about this scrub is that it is completely non-toxic.  That means I can use it over 100% of my body.  At first it felt a bit rough, but over time I have gotten quite used to it.  It is also a quite tasty and I have been known to lick my lips after scrubbing my face with it! Yummy!

Monday, September 22, 2014

Outfit for 9-22-14 - Skirt Picked by a Friend

White Top - Guess
Tank - Mossimo
Skirt - ?? though I did get it at H & M
Shoes - White Stag

Jules and I were in Vegas and visiting our good friends, Vivian and Edward.  We went out to dinner in this super cute shopping area.  After dinner we were just sort of strolling around, digesting our food, chatting, and window shopping.  Just, fyi, I was dressed as a guy.

Our little jaunt took us straight in front of an H & M shop.  I had never shopped there before but Vivienne had and she had told me that she wanted to take me shopping there.  I figured it was the perfect time and the four of us headed into the store.  I could see Edward's and Jules' eyes roll as Vivian and I started searching the racks for anything of interest.

Eventually Edward and Jules got bored with the two of us and they went outside to wait it out.  After about an hour, much longer than either of us thought we would be in there, we each had a few items and headed to the fitting rooms.  The SA helped Vivian first and then looked at my items and gave me a questioning look.  I assured her the items were for me and that yes I needed a fitting room also.  We got rooms across from each other and began trying our stuff on.

It was super funny when Vivienne said, "remember we have to show each other everything."  Well of course Vivienne, how else do people shop?

I tried on a few things, only the skirt in the picture working well for me.  But Vivienne, wow!  I loved everything she tried on.  It was so hard for me to be objective, constructive, and helpful, because I swear that girl could wear a paper sack and look great!  Okay, she might hate me for that, because the truth is, for both of us, people often complement what we wear, but it takes time, effort, energy, dedication, etc. for either of us to find the right items.  Vivienne explained what she was looking for that day, and eventually I took of my rose colored glasses and gave her good advice.

It was a super fun shopping trip.  But she and I really need to plan a time where we can really shop.  I think it would be a good idea to park our spouses at a bar and then she I could really go to town!  It is a must and will happen!

Love you!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The First Photo of Me Crossdressing

I think when this photo was taken I was 16.  I could be off a bit, but that is what makes the most sense to me at this point considering my history.

Can I first point out, what am I doing with my hand?  What is that, the supposed gesture of a real girl?  Okay and secondly, what is that look on my face?  Again, the expression that I thought a real girl would make?  OMG, hilarious!

Oh and one more thing, that was my real hair!  Wow, a photo of me, as a female, with my real hair!  Crazy!

Okay, so I was pondering some of my earliest experiences cross dressing and this occasion was the earliest time that I could think of.  And then, it occurred to me that Jules and I just might have some photos of the experience.  And low and behold, I found it!  It was pretty exciting for me actually.

The photo in question was taken on Halloween in 1987.  I had suggested that Jules and I dress as each other for a party we had.  She was a little unsure, but I convinced her.  I wish we had a picture of the two of us together, but I could not find one.  It probably exists somewhere.

I didn't really think much of me suggesting that we dress as each other.  I so wish I would have understood that dressing as a girl, or at least a mix of genders, was something that I wanted to do all of the time, and not just for Halloween.  Oh well.  Regardless, I thought it was just a quirky costume and that it was just for laughs. Ah... the naivete of youth!

Before I found it, I thought that I would look better as a girl back then, but I think age has taught me something about how to present myself.  Ah... what 26 years will do for you!

Love you.

I wish I loved myself earlier.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Outfit for 9-7-14 - Great Dress That Photographs Poorly

Dress - Max Studio
Sweater - 89th & Madison
Shoes - New York Transit

I am so bummed that this dress photographs so poorly because it is sooooooo cute!!  I absolutely love it!  The thing that I love the most about it is how it flows when I walk.  It moves like a dream and looks fabulous on me.  

I kind of think that maybe it did not photograph so well because of the black sweater.  I was thinking of wearing a white sweater with it and had tried it on but Jules and I both thought the black sweater looked better in real life.  Maybe for a photograph it would have looked better with the white?

It kind of brings up an interesting point.  The difference between an outfit that looks good in real life and an outfit that looks good in a photograph.  It is fine when we are talking about your own clothes from your own wardrobe, but when you are trying to evaluate an outfit in a magazine or an advertisement or even on a mannequin in a store, you need to be aware of how it looks in the real world while it is on you.

So many times I have tried on something and am quite bummed when it does not fit they way I thought it would.  While in stores I have often gone back and investigated the mannequin and discovered that the top has been wrapped up and pinned in the back to give the garment the right form fitting look!  And they often do the same things with photos, except for it is often worse.

And while I am thinking about it, I think that is also why I really like seeing clothes in person.  Great things can be found in person that would never look that great in a photo.

Hmm.... I am so rambling today.  Sorry.... I am sick today.  Been a bit overwhelmed lately.

How about a long delayed update:

- Things with my father... okay well, I was helping out my father after his wife divorced him and he is experiencing dementia and went through a bankruptcy.  I got him daily care, and got a senior care consulting company to begin the process of helping me to figure out how best to help him.  The consulting company advised me to hire him a lawyer to assist in separating his finances from his ex-wife's.  He was on board and then spoke to his ex about it.  He called me the next day and told me that he does not want any part of my help anymore and then he began calling and telling others that I was out to steal his money.  Sounds like dementia huh?  Well yeah probably, but the real issue is that he is still madly in love with his ex and whatever she says go, regardless of the dementia.  I tried many times from then to continue to discuss it and really what he wants is for me to pay for his care and continue to allow his ex to be in charge of his incoming and outgoing money.  And uh yeah, I couldn't go along with that.  So after about a month and $2000 I feel as though I have kind of been forced to separate myself from that situation.  

Sad, but whatcha gunna do?  You try your best and sometimes some people just don't want your help.

Love you!

Monday, September 1, 2014

Outfit for 9-1-14 - A Year Ago Today

Top - Guess
Tank - ?? I got it from Jules & there is no longer a tag!
Belt - Mossimo
Shorts - Guess
Flip Flops - Flojos

A pretty simple outfit for a pretty simple day.  The interesting thing about this outfit is that the two items I am wearing on top, I don't ever wear either one by themselves but together they work out great!  I think it is kind of tough to see well in the photo above, so how about this one to go with:

That photo shows things a bit better.

Jules and I got a pedicure and went to Costco today.  It was a totally uneventful day.  Which was nice as I actually wore this outfit yesterday, 8-31-14, you know, the day before today.

The day before today, which just so happens to be the anniversary of..... anyone remember?  Yes today is the one year anniversary of Jules breaking her leg.  One year ago today we were dove hunting on our friends ranch when Jules fell and horribly shattered her leg.

This year..... Yes we went hunting dove again.  A different place than last year, but we did still go out.  I know, I know, hunting.  Such a controversial topic.  Which honestly, I think is odd.  How can feeding oneself something be so controversial?  It is food people.  We hunt for dinner.  Good dinner.  Very yummy, very appreciated dinner.  Like so:

This was how last year was suppose to end!  Not at the hospital!  Yay for Jules for healing up well and getting back out there and actually getting some dove today!!!

I hope that you had a good labor day!