Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Coming Out Summer - Tale #2 - Texting Out

The first tale I told of coming out this summer was to my friends M & T.  That was a fantastic experience.  This tale is maybe not as exciting but it was just as special to me.

While discussing my gender with M & T they asked if I had told J yet.  J is a friend of T and has over the years become a friend of mine as well.  He is a great guy.  But I still had more than a bit trepidation in discussing my gender with him.  It had occurred to me in the past, but I did not really see any reason to open up to him.  He never asked, and I never felt any need to offer.

But, then again, I found out from M & T, that actually J was interested.  It turns out that the three of them had had some discussions regarding my gender presentations.  M & T told me that I had to let him know what was going on.

So.... I decided to tell him, but just wasn't sure how to go about it as I don't see him that often and had no plans to see him in the future.  Also it is highly unlike us to talk on the phone.  So.... I decided to text him.

What follows is the transcript of that conversation:

Hey J.  Hope you are well.  I know this text is totally out of the blue but Jules and I were at M & T's yesterday and your name came up.

Hey man! How are you doing?  How is Jules' rehab going?

I was talking to them and explaining my gender issues and they said you had pondered about it with them.  So I thought I would include you in the conversation a bit.

Sounds like an interesting talk you guys had.  How did this come up?

Basically what I have concluded is that I am transgendered first off.  secondly I am gender non-conforming.  And lastly I occasionally fully cross dress.  No, I am not interested in becoming a woman.  I think of myself as existing somewhere in the middle. Yeah out of the blue, but I just wanted to be out there and honest.  Cause you know whatever.

Well I appreciate your honesty.  I say very cool - I think people should "own" who they are and be happy in their own skin.  I've never known a gender non-conformist, so I have to say it's pretty fascinating.  I assume this is no secret to Jules.  I knew your relationship wasn't exactly traditional.  But I have to say you guys are one of the happiest couples I know.  T on the other hand is not always the most open minded person.  Did you blow his mind?

Well thanks.  It has taken me oh about thirty years to begin to get a grip on any of this.  So for those not personally involved it is a bit of an unknown area.  I'd be happy to answer any questions if you have them.  Jules has known about everything as I discovered it. T was totally cool.  Very accepting.  We really should hangout and talk sometime.  I just didn't want to wait till whenever that might be.

Good to know.  T is mellowing with age.  Must be M's influence.  We should definitely hang out one of these days.  Haven't seen M & T this summer either.

Jules is doing better.  She is getting stronger all the time.  Still recovering but doing better than expected.  We have had a good summer and hope you have also. 

You definitely surprised me!  Of course I noticed you paint your nails occasionally, but I also knew you you are interested in women,  But you are one of the coolest people I know, and what people do on their own time is none of my beeswax.  So you go!  Had a busy summer here. mostly mountain stuff.  Spending the last part of summer with the wife on Maui!  Glad to hear Jules is on the mend.

Cool.  We are jealous about Maui.  Oh and with the gender stuff, it is totally not a sexual thing and yes I am 100% heterosexual.  ALL the time.  It really is mostly just doing things and wearing clothes normally reserved for women.

I figured as much.  Be careful up there around those hicks; they aren't known for being open minded.  I think it is very cool that you aren't a cookie cutter, standard issue person.  See we can talk about meaningful stuff and not just our stock portfolios and our jobs!

Well thanks man!  And overall over the years people have amazed me with their kindness.  I have hope in humanity again.

I'm trying to have some hope as well.  I have plenty of time to be a curmudgeon later in life.

Take care and enjoy the rest of your summer.

Good talking with you my friend.  Let's hangout soon.

Pretty cool. huh?  Good golly people sure do impress the heck out of me.  I think one thing about people and then they prove me totally wrong.  All I need to do is to give them a chance to be awesome and the people I know step right up and prove themselves to be better than I ever imagined!

Love you all!!

Please show yourself some love.

You deserve to be loved.

Most importantly by yourself.

If you love yourself, others will follow.


  1. not so scary is it Nadine? I have found pretty much the same experience with my family and friends. Most people are supportive or don't much care one way or the other....good for you!

    1. Thanks Joanna. No it was not scary at all!

      While I know that not every coming out experience goes well, I have yet to experience a negative one. I am interested in what the future will bring!

  2. Hi Nadine,
    Evidently you have some wonderful friends.
    I'm glad for you that you can be yourself.

    1. Hiya Penny! Good to hear from you :)

      I do have wonderful friends! They are so sweet! I love em!

  3. Awesome Nadine!

    I'm so glad that sharing this part of your self with another person went well again!

    It's a wonderful feeling to have someone else you can be as you are with!

  4. Another good outreach effort. One correction to his statement that "I've never known a gender non-conformist". He has know you...he just did not know that you are a gender non-conforminst. He may know many other gender non-conformists...he just does not know that yet since like most of us we do not wear our gender issues on our sleeves.

    1. You know, I thought the same thing Pat. Geez, J, you have known me for years, and have observed my gender non-conforming behavior during that entire time! Of course you have known a gender non-conformist, me! Funny!

      And you are right, he has probably known many more as well!

      Thanks Pat!

    2. You were probably on cloud nine after that conversation. I live In such a small community, small minded town, nobody would understand. As always, wish you the best. Love, T

    3. Thanks T. And don't discount the locals. I too live in a very small, very conservative area. While I generally don't fully cross dress around them, I don't hide my gender non-conformity. And I have yet to encounter hate. People can think whatever they want of me, thinking is fine. So is looking. So are questions. Hate? Nope not okay.

  5. I often amuse myself wondering what the hundreds of people I know and the dozens of folks I encounter on a daily or weekly basis would think if they knew that under my slacks I was wearing panties and pantyhose, often with painted toe nails and in the winter wearing a slip or bra under my heavier shirt...let alone what they would think if they saw me dressed as I head out for a drink at a bar or club or saw me dressed around the house cooking up a feast as 'Pat the happy homemaker'. I can picture dozens of people keeling over in shock if they knew about my femme side.

  6. I recently found your blog (and through it, your wife's). I read through yours and her's from beginning up to the present over the last few days. Interesting to see the growth on both your parts. And how things have gone with coming out to friends and interacting with the general public and all. Congrats to you and to your cool accepting friends!
    I have had great responses from the family and few friends I have come out to so far, but I've also been selective and not come out to some people.

    On another note, your posts have made me think about looking for some good women's jeans one of these days. And also to check out Guess. ha ha
    D (another blue-green eyed CD with an early Oct. birthday - working on plans for some fun outings in Oct.)

    1. Wow! You are so cool to have read through both mine and my wife's blog! Thank you so much.

      That is great that you have also had good responses from others in coming out. It is so relieving!

      Oh and yes, invest in some good jeans, they are so worth it. And while I do still own many Guess items, maybe my taste is changing or the store is, but I have not found many items there recently. I suddendly feel out of my age rage there!

  7. You are very cool for sharing your journey with us!. It's inspiring (and fun). I like your style and the way you talk about the choices you make when putting together outfits and choosing clothes and wigs and bags and shoes.

    It's too hot where I live (inland southern Calif.) this time of year to do much, but my sister and I have hopes of doing some shopping together once the weather cools down a bit.


    1. Hi D. I just that I never replied to your very nice comment, sorry about that!

      Thanks for the complements on my style and choices. And yeah I know all about the heat! I live in the central valley of Cali, near Bakersfield. There have been many days with the temps above 100 and still I am insane and go out fully dressed with a wig and everything! Whew! That can be a pretty darn hot day!

      Hope things cool down for you, and me, soon!

  8. Somehow this post escaped my notice previously; what a positive and affirming encounter!!! You said it yourself: love and respect yourself, and others will follow. And those that don't aren't worth worrying about anyway.

    You rock, girl!!!


    1. Awwwwwwe! You are always so sweet Cass, :)

      Thanks cutie!

  9. Thanks for sharing. YOU LOOK SOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

    1. You are welcome for sharing and thank you for the nice complement!