Thursday, August 7, 2014
Coming Out Summer - Tale #1 - Live & Learn
This summer I have been really struggling with what to wear in what locations. Generally if I am sticking around the house I will wear female shorts and some shoes sometimes male, sometimes female, and maybe a female tank top. But the thing that has bee bugging me is that when I need to go into town for something, say a Lowe's run for project supplies, I will change my clothes to be more socially acceptable. Meaning, I get out of my female clothes and put on male clothes. Which is a bit odd, in my own opinion. I will keep my fingernails painted and I will use my obviously female wallet, but the clothes, especially the short shorts, well now that would just be too over the top.
But this summer I have been pushing myself to expand my own level of comfort with what I choose to wear. I kind of have been calling BS on myself about how I think I accept myself. Most of you who cross dress may know the following argument - well I am okay with what I choose to wear, but I know society isn't thus I will wear what society wants me to wear so that I won't upset anyone else. I have challenged that thinking and worn whatever and nobody has said a damn thing!
Thus I found myself driving to Jules' and mine good friend's house, M & T, in full female clothing, but not dressed as a female. I had on flip flops, shorts, and a tank top, all female, but not blatantly so, well except maybe the shorts. On the way there I mentioned to Jules' that I thought I would finally talk to M & T about my gender issues. She agreed that it would be a good thing to do.
We arrived at their house and the only thing that was said about my clothing was from T. He is a real joker and commented it looked like I was dressed as a sailor; my tank top was white with little black stripes running across it. He meant nothing by it and I took it in stride.
I wanted to tell them at the right time,and so I stalled. We were all hanging out and Jules' caught me, in private, at some point and said to me "tell them!" I gave her some look, to which she responded "M asked me when you were going to just transition."
I have known M & T since about '91. Since that time I have slowly let more and more of my gender non-conforming behaviors come out. And M & T have observed much of it but I have never specifically talked to them about it. I have just done me and they have always just accepted me for me and thus I never felt any need to explain myself.
Hearing Jules tell me what M thought, that I was in the process of transitioning solidified my decision to discuss it all with them. I waited a bit more til we were done with dinner and we were just hanging out. I forget exactly how I brought it up, but I explained to them my newly discovered my self ascribed label, transgender, gender non-conforming, and an occasional cross dresser. And yes I am 100% heterosexual and no I have no interest in transitioning.
They we not taken back by my reveal in the least. It went so well, I pulled out my iPad and showed them the following:
To which they replied that I was beautiful and wondered how it was possible to have such great looking boobs! Now let me make it clear, M & T, are a male and female couple. And while M, the female has been my friend for longer, T is still a good friend of mine, and I was quite concerned how he was going to take it all. He was great! In fact he offered up that he recently started shaving his legs and wearing some shorter shorts and agreed with me that we should all be able to wear whatever we want to wear. He explained to me how self conscious he is about his own choices and how everyone hassles him about it. I questioned him on that and he relented and admitted that nobody had ever said anything, but he knew what they were thinking about him. I had to laugh! Oh how we all suffer from such horrible insecurities! I was worried about what they would think of me and what is T stressing about? The same thing! Hilarious & sad!
Anywho, M & T expressed how happy they were for me that I was finally willing & able to share this part of me with them. They felt honored that I told them. We all hugged and told each other how much we all loved each other. It was quite touching.
I left feeling wrapped in warmth and glowing. It was something that I should have done long ago!
Live & Learn huh?