Thursday, February 27, 2014

Outfit for Thursday 2/27/14 - Texture

Coat - Guess
Black Top - Lily White
White Top - Guess
Jeans - Guess
Shoes - Madden Girl

I really like this outfit, mostly because of the black top by Lily White.  It has such an interesting pattern and textured look.  A neat thing about the shirt is that it has the lace portion in the front in the back but on the sides it is just t-shirt like fabric.  This allows for the shirt to be rather form fitting.  The lace does not stretch much, but the sides really do.  The other thing I like about the lace top is that whatever you wear underneath it obviously shows through.

I tried the black shirt a while back with a red tank underneath it, but I really like the white underneath it much more.  I am not sure why I think this, but I feel as though the black top adds texture.  Maybe it is just patterning, but I want to call it texturing.  Why?  Because of how it feels, no, because of how it looks.  Thus I do not make sense to my own self.  Ridiculous!  Texture should be what I feel and patterns should be what I see.  Okay, irrelevant conversation with myself.  Suffice to say, I like the black top! :)

Oh and I also love that Jules and I are just about the same size, thus I can borrow things from her, like white coat.  Yay!
In the last outfit post I showed how much my doggie liked my outfit; this time I am showing my giant kitty.  This particular cat weighs about 20lbs.  And no, it is not fat, it is all muscle.  He is the brute of our neighborhood.  When I picked him out of the litter I was warned that he was the runt.  Ha! Some runt!

Alrighty then, love ya!

- Jules is improving.  She can actually walk a bit unassisted.  But wow, this healing process is loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!
- A couple posts ago I stated it was my 200th.  Well I made an error.  The stats I look at via blogger showed 200 posts, but not all of them have been published, some of them are drafts, but at the same time there have been some posts I have deleted, so whatevs!  I'm sticking with what I posted.
- I love Urban Decay, but I hate that their HQ is in S. Cal, but they ship from Florida!  Ahhh the waiting is torture!

Love you!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Outfit for 2-18-14 - Red & Black Overload

Sweater- DKNY cozy
Tank- Target
Skirt - American Apparel
Leggings- American Apparel
Shoes- Madden Girl
Jacket- Guess

I really thought this would be a super cute outfit when I planned it all out, but alas upon reflecting on the pictures, I am not so sure.  Yeah, I like all of the elements separately, but altogether I think it might be a bit too much.  Though my doggie sure does not seem to mind:

Though admittedly he is always just excited to see me and even more so when I pet him.  So in the picture he is super thrilled.  I actually think that is the cutest picture of me in this outfit.  But probably due to him more than me, obviously! :)

I think one of the things about this outfit that concerns me is the DKNY cozy.  I love this garment, as it is so versatile.  But the look of leggings with a sweater I think are kind of tough for me to pull off.  I have rather largish shoulders and thus would like to deemphasize that area of my body but that sweater, being so bunched up around my torso makes that are of my body look bigger.  Which is not such a great thing.

I also think that different leggings would work better in this situation.  I have the same pair in black and white and I think that might have made things look much better.  Because maybe it is just too much black and red to look good.

Hmm???????  As you can tell I am not 100% sure as to this outfit.  What are your thoughts?  Anyone one way or the other with this look?

BTW - I think it is worth mentioning again how crazy I am.  Once upon a time I was afraid that my dog would treat me differently while I am dressed as a girl.  What a goof I am.  Though I have read recently of some CDs that are thrilled when their dog does treat them differently while dressed.  Hmm.... well to each their own huh?

Love ya & hope you are all loving yourselves!



Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Self Acceptance - 200th Post

About eight years ago I unknowingly decided to begin forcing myself upon myself; that was about the time that I began to fully dress as a girl.  At the time, it just seemed like the thing I should do.  Before then I had dressed in various articles of women’s clothing and had done a variety of other things, like paint my fingernails, but I had never tried to emulate a woman.  I began doing it because I wanted to, but underneath it all, I was hiding.

This started to become apparent to me when I had the desire to get out of the house, while fully dressed.   Before this point, my wife had been nothing but supportive of me.  But this brought up unexpected concerns, for the both of us.  Jules expressed some concerns about what I was doing, nothing unwarranted, but with each bit of doubt she expressed the more I sought out her acceptance.  I needed for her to accept me, all of me, and for this I was willing to push myself onto her.  It is unfortunate that this occurred as it really never had anything to do with her, it was really just me.  I needed for her to accept me just so that someone would. 

I didn't really understand where I was at until one day, a few years into fully dressing and going out in public, I saw my reflection in the mirror while I was fully dressed.  I saw myself and in my head I heard myself say the word “freak.”  I heard it as clearly as if someone said it to me.  And it made me stop and stare deeply at myself in that mirror and I almost started to cry.  It was right then that I realized that it was I who did not accept myself.

Since that day, I have talked with Jules about it often, I have read about gender variances, and I have dabbled in writing about it.  And inside of me, I struggle with it almost every single day.  This is a good thing though, because now I am the one who struggles with it.  Now, I focus on accepting myself and I am no longer concerned with whether or not others accept me.  And the most amazing thing has begun to happen, the more I accept myself, the more I find others to be accepting of me. 

Now that I know who I am my wife is more accepting than she has ever been.  Every person I have decided to share my gender variability with has been totally accepting of me.  And in fact even the general public seems far more at ease with me and the more time goes on, the more people just accept me to be whatever gender, or mix of genders, that I choose to present as.

I encourage you all, as human beings, accept who you are.

I will caution you though.  Throughout my personal journey, I have not always enjoyed everything that I have had to accept about myself.  But I have seen that only once I accept who I am can I do anything about it.  For me, exploring my gender variance has brought me great personal growth, and harmed no one, so I have run with it.  Other things like having a massive sugar tooth that can cause me to binge eat on desserts has been harmful, but once I accepted that this is what I will most likely do, I have been able to avoid it.

So, have fun, accept yourself, and be someone that when you see your reflection in a mirror, tell yourself that you love who you are.  It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Love you!  And love yourself!