Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Outfit for 12/30/14 - A Night In Vegas

Purple Top - White House Black Market
Black Tank - Patty Boutique
Jeans - 7 For All Mankind
Boots - Nine West

I really like this purple top and have been attempting to fit it into an outfit for several months now.  I find it to be funny with how that goes with certain clothes; I will try them on, buy them, and then hang them in the closet until I figure out how and when to where them. When I decide to dress up, I go into the closet and examine my options, try on different things, and go with whatever works on that day.  But occasionally some clothes will continually be placed back into the closet and not get worn,  I feel like they call out to me and say "Hey, what about me, wear me, wear me!"  And then when I decided to not wear them they cry!

Okay they don't really cry; I know it is all just in my mind.  But still this top was begging to be worn and I just couldn't figure it out.  Button down tops, even super girly ones, often give a rather masculine look to them.  So every time I put on this top, I just saw dude.  But on the day that I actually decided to wear it, I was so fed up with not being able to dress I told myself I had to figure out how to wear it, and thus I did.

I have not been dressing up much lately.  Life has been full lately.  Isn't it funny, no matter how full life seems to get, there is always room for more!  On the night I wore this, I happened to be in Vegas.  I had brought clothes to dress up every night, but alas, out of the four nights I was there, I was only able to dress on my last night there.

The reason I was out in Vegas is because of the on going saga with my father.  A brief update - back in July my dad, who I have not spoken with much over the last five years or so phoned me and told me he recently divorced from his second wife.  I went out to see him and realized his health was failing and he was experiencing quite a bit of dementia.  I started to get him help and had a team evaluating his situation.  We got to a point where we needed to hire a lawyer to separate his finances from his ex's.  He spoke to his ex about it and she convinced him that he could not trust me and could only trust her.  He told me he no longer wanted my assistance in any way and that he could take care of himself.  So... I pulled out and waited.

A couple of months later and he ended up in the hospital and they would not allow him to leave.  The ex then began taking everything she wanted, including things like my dead mother's china.  I got back involved when I was contacted by my aunt asking if I could go gather up my dad's personal possessions before the ex took everything.

Thus I found myself out in Vegas trying to help how I could.  Now I find myself embroiled in this very messy situation.  I have no idea where I stand legally with what I am doing.  He has been declared incompetent, his ex still has power of attorney.  He has been signed over to the state of Nevada for a public guardian.  The divorce states they each get 50% but the ex is taking way more.  My father is slowly giving up on living and appears to be slowly drifting off further and further.  There is a family trust, but it still states that the ex gets everything if he should die.  And I can not find any mention of what happens if they get divorced.

And now I sit here stunned, trying to write a blog post and finding myself just babbling about all of this drama!  Uggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!  I have heard of people who have done what my dad's ex has but I never really wanted to think that it happens in real life, only daytime soap operas!  But alas, it is true.  My dad married this woman, gave her everything, and she spent it all.  He is broke, is slowly dying, and she is trying to take things like his personal rings!

Do you know what I need?  I need a lawyer!  This sucks!

Love you.

Love your family.

And remember, your children can't divorce you.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate my dad?  How horrible he made my life growing up?  How people told him that someone was sexually abusing my sister, and he did nothing except for get mad at her?  Yeah, he is a fuck.  But at the end of the day, he is still my father, and I have morals.

Too bad he could never see that.  Too bad that he could never understand that no matter what, he is my father, and I can not divorce him.

Love you!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I Saw A He-She The Other Day

OMG, he did not just say that directly to me, did he?

My other coworker asked for clarification and the first guy repeated "I saw a he-she the other day.  You know a guy that was dressed as a girl."

I sat there stunned.  Was he really relaying this story?  Was he really relaying this story to me?  Was he fishing for information about me?  Clearly he discovered something about me and was wanting to out myself.

He then began to recount his story.  "I was driving home the other day and I saw this person on the street corner waiting to cross the street and sure enough I caught the red light and they crossed right in front of me.  And that is when I knew for sure that they may have been dressed as a girl, but that was a guy!  And I couldn't believe that was happening right here in this town!  Man, where have the rednecks gone?"

I was shell shocked.  Here was my coworker, ridiculing another transgender individual.  And here I am in a position to be able to stand up for this nameless person.  And yet I hesitated.  My emotions were telling me that I should fight, flight, or freeze.  Instead I contemplated my options and the situation.

First off, did he not know that I am also TG?  Clearly no.  Even though my ears are pierced, my nails are painted, I occasionally wear female clothes, my body is shaved, my eyebrows are shaped, clearly this guy can't go to that on occasion I dress just like that person on the street.  Funny.  I know he was not fishing for information and wanting me to out myself.  It was the way he told his story that I knew that was not what he was doing.  He was just talking to a bunch of guys about something that most guys would relate to his opinions.

It is so funny.  Before I did any gender non-conforming behaviors in my daily life, I was sure that if I did, everyone would know that I am TG and they would ridicule me and pitchfork me!  But no, here I was, clearly being included in his male centered world and treated just as if I was just like him!  It is true that plenty of people at work have their suspicions about me and I am sure that one or two know the truth for sure, but some people only see what they are capable of seeing.  

And at first, I was angry and then I took pity on him and felt sorry for him and his ignorance and I decided that I was not going to attempt to enlighten him.


It would serve no purpose in my work scene for me to do so.  It would most likely damage my working relationship with him to do so at this point.  And I need to continue to have a good working relationship with him.  Maybe one day I will enlighten him, but it would not be on this day.

On this day I simply said "The world is an amazing place with amazing people in it."

He gave me a look and then the conversation moved on to the next irrelevant topic.

Hmm... Life.


Love you!

Monday, December 15, 2014

Conflicting Desires


This was a really full weekend.  It started off on Friday after work with a staff Christmas party.  Normally these events are rather dull and boring but this one was a riot.  My boss was pouring shots and having people pass them out.  Very funny stuff.  And no, I was not dressed pretty, but it was still fun.  Oh, but yeah my fingernails were painted in a holiday theme - Red with two accent nails with gold sparkles on them.  Cute!

Then on Saturday I took my boss out to the duck field.  He has been wanting to get out there and try it and has been bugging me to take him with me.  So about three weeks ago I set the date for the two of us to go together.  Everything was all set and then my friend, Jennifer sent me an email asking me to go to the River City Gems Sparkle event.  I had never heard of this event before, but upon looking it up, it sounded like it would be super fun, but alas, I had previous plans.  So my dressing and socializing took a backseat to hunting and fulfilling prior obligations.  My boss and I had a good time on the field.  He got his first duck! And I was happy and proud that I had helped facilitate that.  :)

I had totally planned, after these two work related events, to dress up nice on Sunday and go get my nails done and maybe catch a movie.  It was something I was planning on that helped me to get through the week.  But as luck would have it, on the way home from the duck field my boss invited me to a pheasant hunt on Sunday.  I have walked that field hundreds of times and have come back with nothing!  Only twice, maybe, have I ever gotten a pheasant.  But this time we would be going out with the guy who planted the cage raised pheasants.  It was a hell of an opportunity.  But it meant deciding between my divergent desires.  From the picture on the top of the page, you can tell which choice I made!

Thus I have no new outfit picture to post.  But I did have a great time and I was happy for taking advantage of the opportunity that life provided for me.  It was not what I had planned for, but as I said, I was still quite happy for doing it.  Oftentimes I am fearful of doing that which is new to me.  Going hunting with folks that I don't know is intimidating for me.  So I pushed myself and enjoyed my time!  The guys I hunted with complemented me on my skills and ended the day with telling me I am a great guy.  I thought it was funny.  A bunch of hunting guys telling me I am a great guy and never once acting weird in anyway that my fingernails are painted quite brightly!

Anywho... I had a full, but great weekend.  I hope you all had a good time with whatever you chose to do!

Love you!

Paint your fingernails!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

From Male to Female - Transformation Pictures

                                      7 AM                                     10 AM

This day started off with walking my dog on unknown streets.  My and wife and I has spent the previous evening hanging out with friends a few hours away from our house.  Instead of driving home we stayed overnight. I begin everyday by walking my dog.  The picture on the left is while I was out on that walk.

This happened to be the day that I forgot my socks, mentioned in my previous post.  While on the drive home from our friends town, I took some selfies.

Which picture do I like more?  The fem one.  Not because I don't like my male self, it's just that I think it is a fairly goofy looking picture of me.

I do believe this is the first picture of me dressed as a male that you can clearly see my face that I have ever posted on my blog.  There is a certain amount of fear involved in doing so.  But I suppose I am feeling brave today.

But I am also less fearful of the consequences of my male world discovering my female side.  They mostly know anyways, so what is there really to be afraid of?  Fear itself!

BTW - Do you notice how much whiter my teeth look in my fem picture?  Weird.  Cameras are weird!

Love you!

Love yourself.

Face your fears.

They only bite occasionally!  ;)

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Outfit for 12-7-14 - Forgotten Socks

Top - Max Studio
Jeans - 7 For All Mankind
Shoes - Born O Concept

I was so bummed this morning while getting dressed; I had forgot my socks for the boots I wanted to wear with these jeans.  Such an unfortunate circumstance.  I brought the boots with me, but not the right socks.  In fact, I had no socks at all with me this morning.  So it was particularly good that I had my trusty strappy wedges with me.  Ever since I bought those shoes, I have worn them so much!  They are so versatile.

But I was indeed bummed about not having the ability to wear what I wanted to.  Lately I have been trying to pack more lightly.  Normally I pack about 10-20 outfits for a possible 1 outfit day.  Which is total overkill, but it generally prevents from happening what happened today.  I brought a pair of jeans and a skirt.  I also brought about three different tops.  Everything interchanged thus I could have made six different outfits.  But I forgot the right undergarments for the skirt, which cut out half of the potential outfits right off the bat. And then I found out, while pulling my clothes out of my suitcase, I had forgotten any socks!  Wow!

What I learned from this trip is, packing lighter is nicer.  I have less stuff to lug around with me.  But in order to pack lighter successfully, I will need to layout every piece of the each outfit, including all appropriate undergarments and socks!

Anyway... I think the outfit I decided on worked out well enough.  I, of course, love my new skinny jeans.  I love them even more with the passing of time and more opportunities to wear them come about.  I also really like the Max Studio top.  It is super form fitting, thus along with the skinny jeans, they both work together to make me look super skinny.  Which I think is great for wearing horizontal stripes.  I also think the edges look good enough.

Okay.  That's it for now.

Thanks for all of the great support after my last post.  You all are so nice!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Wear jeans!

Friday, December 5, 2014

Posing for Pictures


Occasionally my wife and I will look at pictures of other cross dressers and frequently Jules has commented that the person would look so much better by standing in a different way.  For a little while now I have been taking pictures of myself in different poses so I could demonstrate what my wife is talking about.  Oh and I read once that women naturally pose well for pictures; uh... no.  It is a learned skill, so read on lovelies!

Let's start with the pictures on top.  On the left is my frumpy stance.  Okay, there is my super cute dog in the background, but what about me?  1st - my feet are about shoulder width apart.  Which, even with my killer skirt makes my lower half look very blocky.  I try to keep this in mind even while walking, thus I tend to try and walk with my knees close together and my ankles brushing.  2nd - My arms at straight down at my waist.  This makes my shoulders look extra blocky as well.  3rd - My shoulders are slumped.  Well slouching looks good on no one!  It makes my shoulders look extra big and makes me look less confident.  4th - lastly, my chin is down.  This makes my neck look extra thick and also makes me look less confident.

1st - I again have my legs about shoulder width apart.  Well for me, I am surprised on how chubby that makes me look!  Wow, look at that belly!  2nd - My arms are down at my waist, again making my shoulders look extra large.  3rd - Slouching shoulders again!

With the picture on the right I am doing a couple of things that maybe you don't notice.  One of them is I am leaning back a little bit.  This really pulls my shoulders back and decreases their appearance.  So many people think that by slouching people will not notice how big their shoulders are when exactly the opposite is true!  The other thing I am doing in this photo is that I am slightly angled to the camera.  This provides for a more slimming profile.

1st - My legs are again about shoulder width apart.  Can you see yet that it is super important to put your feet together when taking a photo?  2nd - my arms are again down at my wised.  Both of these things combine to make me look very blocky!  And very male!

1st - again with the legs shoulders width apart.  2nd - the hands at my sides.  Even in this cute dress, the combo of those two things totally screams Dude in a Dress to me!

1st - The same problem with my feet being apart.  They are closer together than some of the other photos, but still with having them not be together it just looks wrong.  Like I am encouraging the viewer to look up my skirt!  2nd - the hands at my sides again!

The photo on my right, notice that I am very angled to the camera.  It so emphasizes my skinny!

So now with a set of three different photos.  In the 1st I have the same basic problems, my feet are far apart and my hands are at my sides.  In the middle photo, I have put my feet together, which looks better.  But in the last photo I have a little tilt to my hips, a bend at my knee and my hand is on my hip.  Way more girly in that last photo!

Cameras are great, but they also severely suck!  They are not interested in automatically capturing our best sides and making us look great!  They take a snapshot of whatever we are presenting.  And often, it does not look as good as it could.

With just simple things like, putting your feet together, bending a leg a little, putting your hands on your hips, twisting your torso a little, putting your shoulders back, lifting your chin up, those little things will go a long way to making you look your absolute best!

Love you.

Take pictures of yourself!

Be proud of who you are!

Love you again!

Monday, December 1, 2014

Opinions Are Like...

Within the last few months this blog has had some ups and downs.  A few months ago the number of visitors to my blog practically doubled overnight.  I was shocked at the number of new visitors.  It was interesting actually in that the number of visitors doubled but the number of comments actually went down.

Blogging is weird.  I like it, but it is weird.  I often wonder: Who am I writing this blog for, the reader, or the writer?  I suppose the reality is a little bit of both.

If I was purely writing this blog for the readers then maybe I would not write some of the things that I do.  I would probably stick to non-controversial subjects.  Funny.  Being a cross dresser is controversial in and of itself.  Not that I think it is, but many in the public appear to.  

Recently I wrote a post about not being a Halloween costume.  After that post the number of visitors to my blog dropped in half.  A bit of investigation revealed the cause of both my up and down.  A very popular blogger had included me on their reading list.  But after the controversial post, they removed me from their personal reading list.  

That particular blogger had posted up about their Halloween adventures in fem and clearly had taken offense at my opinion.  This really made me think, why am I blogging?  Am I blogging to please the public, or at least a segment of the public, or am I blogging for myself?  Do I care about numbers of visitors more, or being true to myself?

The answer is, I care more about being true to myself.  I care about my readers, in fact I am amazed that anyone reads the drivel that I spew.  But I will not compromise my beliefs to increase a page count.  What beliefs are those?  The one that says, there is nothing wrong with voicing an opinion.  

I voiced an opinion, that personally, for me, I choose to not dress as a woman on Halloween.  I am sorry that is so upsetting for some of you.  But in voicing my opinion on this topic, I never said that I don't think you should dress.  I simply said, that I would not do that.

If by voicing my opinion you choose to not read my blog anymore, that is your choice.  But instead of getting upset and leaving, I really wish you would voice your opinions on the topic, whatever it may be.  Begin a dialogue.  Talk.  Voice your opinion.

All too often, throughout my life, my opinions have proven to be controversial.  Generally what has happened is that I voice an opinion and instead of someone giving me an opposing viewpoint to consider, they have gotten upset.  If they say anything, they tell me that I have upset them.  That is not voicing an opinion about the topic at hand, it is voicing an opinion on a new topic; that I should not speak up about how I see the world. 

Well for you constant readers of my blog, please understand, while I know my opinions are controversial on occasion, the thing I love the most is a good dialogue.  And good dialogues often come from opposing viewpoints.  

So, if you ever disagree with me, be brave and tell me your opinion.  I would love to hear it!

Speak up for yourself.

Be brave.

It is important!

Love you!

- Oh and yeah as a footnote to this conversation, some of you might be surprised at the number of cross dressing bloggers I have reached out to and attempted to make some sort of network with, but they are not interested in any sort of cross promotion with me.  Which I find to be funny.  I think we need to stick together, even if we disagree with each other's views.  Far more often than not, CDing bloggers don't want to have anything to do with me.  We should not be so divided, if we can't support each other, can we honestly expect any support from the general public?

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Outfit for 11-23-14 - Outfit with Ruching

Coat - Guess
White Top - Guess
Tank - Mossimo
Skirt - Max Studio
Shoes - Tahari

This skirt is new and I really like it but I had a hard time pairing it with a top.  It's funny how clothes work with each other.  With my male clothes almost any top can go with almost any bottom.  Okay some of my long sleeve button down shirts would look odd with a pair of khaki cargo shorts, but it could work.  With my female clothes that so doesn't work.  I could never just take any random bottom and match it with a random top; no way!

In general what I do is pick an item I would like to wear as a starting point.  For example, I knew I wanted to wear the Max Studio skirt.  But it is a rather unusual skirt in that it has the ruching running up both sides.  I love that detail because it makes the skirt tight and form fitting and pulls my knees in but the ruching causes folds and layers across the front and back of it.

Anywho... I started with the skirt and put it on.  I then looked through my drawers and closet at various possibilities to match with it.  I ended up pulling out about 5 or 6 different items.  They were all different in colors and styles.  I began trying them on while Jules was in the shower and had narrowed them down a bit before she got out and gave me her thoughts.  Sometimes she likes certain combos but I just wont be satisfied but often we agree.

Today it took the white top, also having ruching on the sides.  I really like how the ruching from the top blends in with the ruching of skirt.  When I put it on both Jules and I said, yup that is it!

Such a process with my female clothes!  It's funny though, this process has helped me expand my male wardrobe.  Which I have enjoyed.  In thinking about it, it is a by-product of becoming more comfortable with who I am and what I like to do.  Yeah, there is all of my lovely and wonderful female clothes, but in allowing myself to buy and wear all of these great female clothes has pushed me to expand my male wardrobe and buy patterns and styles and colors that I would have never been comfortable wearing prior to now.

Hmm... interesting.  I so love being a mix of genders.

Funny enough, the other day I was telling my wife that I was jealous of her bisexuality.  She gets to look at all of humanity and appreciate the view in a way that I just don't.  That is how I feel about being a bit of both genders.  I get to experience a wider section of the world than many.  It used to be that I was very bothered with being transgender, but more and more, I really think it is a unique gift.

A gift that I have only ever needed to learn to appreciate.

I hope you can appreciate the gifts you have been given.

Love you!

Monday, November 17, 2014

Outfit for 11-17-14 - Skinny Jeans & Boots

Top - Bobeau
Jeans - 7 For All Mankind
Boots - Nine West

I love boots.  But I am very picky about what I pair them with.  I really don't like boots with skirts or dresses.  Well, sorry, I only like that look occasionally.  I am quite picky!  Okay, whatever... What I do like is boots with skinny jeans!  So, maybe you could tell that I really like this look.

I especially like these particular boots.  They have a very small rounded toe box and they make my feet look all small and cute!  What is it about small feet looking cute?  Sorry folks.  I know that must make several of you quite annoyed.  (I seem to have a habit of doing that!)  Ooops!  I am not saying that only small feet are cute, just that in our culture smallish feet are thought of as cute.  I know my wife has often been annoyed by her shoe size and has always thought of her feet as being too big.  But to me, I love her feet.

Anyways... Today Jules and I did our usual, shopping at Costco and Trader Joe's.  It was a very uneventful trip, which was nice.

My big news of the day?  It has nothing to do with cross dressing... but I got a reservation to my favorite duck hunting spot of all time!  And it will be on the first day of the season that they are open!  I know, to many of you, you really could care less.  But it is tantamount to hitting the ducky lottery! I am so frickin excited, I am almost squealing with joy.  Okay so that last bit maybe a little over the gender lines huh?  I am quite the mix of gender tendencies.

Speaking of mixing things up, Jules left on Sunday to go shopping and I was throwing oak logs into the back of my pickup.  I finished that job, sprayed RoundUp around the yard, hopped in the shower and got changed into something cute and fem.  I was standing there waiting for Jules to return and thought, hmm.... maybe I should text her.  I did.  She was thrilled.  It was just a funny day!

Love you!

Oh and thank you to all of you with your heartfelt caring about Jules and I and her depression.  Just an FYI to you all.  I kind of wish her depression did have something to do with my dressing, at least that would be easier to wrap my head around.  Her depression though is something that began under a dysfunctional family that taught her to keep it all inside and put a big smile on her face.  It has caused her years of internal struggle and strife and guilt and shame and generally feeling like crap. But she is attempting to figure our constructive ways of combating it.  It is just a super long term process.

Alrighty then!

Love you.

Love yourself!

Wear some boots!  :)

Monday, November 10, 2014

Outfit for 11-10-14 - Black & Red Dress

Dress - MaxStudio
Belt - Mossimo
Shoes - Nickles

Jules and I decided to go to the movies today.  It was predicted to be in the 70s and I wasn't sure what I wanted to wear.  Surprise huh?  I had purchased this dress awhile back and it has been yelling at me to take it out and wear it.  I wasn't sure though if it was movie appropriate or not, but figured what the heck!

It turned out to be perfect.  It was just right for the weather and it is super comfy!  I really like the addition of the belt with it.  Belts, what amazing tools!  They so help to define ones waist.  The dress is great without the belt as it is quite tight and helps to accentuate what curves I actually do have.  But with the belt, that really just cinches it up against the smallest part of my waist,

We ended up seeing John Wick.  It was pretty entertaining.  We both like Keanu Reeves and especially enjoy him in shoot-em-up action thrillers.  There was lots of shooting and death and mayhem, typical.  The story line was such a replayed tired out theme, but oh well, nothing is new and original, everything is borrowed.  When that show ended we got tickets for the new Dracula flick.  That was also entertaining.  It was interesting in hearing the story from Dracula's point of view.  It is interesting how many movies are coming out where the traditional bad guy is now the good guy.  Interesting.

Hmm....  I'm a bit drained today.  Jules' effects of her depression reared its head on the day I wore this actually, and I am quite exhausted currently.  I always end up as the obvious easy target.  I often read others woe's about how difficult their spouse has it with a transgender partner, and inside I giggle.  I don't mean to be rude, though I know I often am as my opinions are quite upsetting to a good many.  But really living with someone who can't seem to overcome their depression is exhausting and demoralizing.

Especially since I too suffered from depression at one point in my life, but I saw the light and pulled myself out of the depths when there was no one else to rely on.  And for any of you that do suffer from depression, I don't know if this will help you or not, but the key for me was to understand that I had to rely on myself.  I had to find an inner strength.  A belief in myself.  Know that I was there for me and I would never fail myself and I would never leave myself.  It has not meant that I would fill myself with false beliefs about who I was.  But rather, I would face my reality and if I was not happy with it, only I could change it.  And I have worked hard to change who I am so that at the end of the day I can proud of who I am.

Be proud of who you are.

Work hard to be proud.

Put in the hard work to be proud.

Proud of you.

Love you!

Monday, November 3, 2014

Outfit for 11-3-14 - Showing some leg!

Skirt - Guess
Top - Patty Boutique
Sweater - White House Black Market
Shoes - Guess

I wore this outfit about a week ago.  Jules and I were staying in for an evening together and I thought I would have some fun and tart myself up a bit.  It was funny as I realized that I don't really own any clothes that are really sexified.  Hmm.. is sexified even a real word?  Dunno! Don't care!

This skirt is the shortest one that I own, but it was not quite short enough for the look that I was going for, so I totally hiked it up.  Normally my natural waist is below my belly button, but I hiked this skirt up above my belly button.  It was actually so short that I sure as heck would never wear it out into public!  And if I bent over, wow, Jules got a show!

Now normally I am not interested in going for the sexy look.  I go for the nicely dressed look.  So this is probably as sexy as I will ever show on this blog.  So why is that?  Well... have you ever typed the word crossdresser into Google and taken a look at the images?  I'll give you a minute if you want....................

Okay, well now, maybe you can see, there is a glut of over sexualized images out there of cross dressers.  What is missing?  Nicely dressed, stylish cross dressers.  That is what I would like to portray.  So then why show you these?  Well, how about some sexiness without slutiness?  That is probably okay.  How about sexiness with some style?  Yeah, maybe that could work.

And heck, it was just kind of fun!

I hope you have a fun day!

Love you!

Love yourself!


Friday, October 31, 2014

Happy Halloween - I am not a Costume!

Vampire Me

I know that for many cross dressers, Halloween is their favorite day of the year.  It is the day when they can get out and about dressed however they want and no one is going to say anything besides "Great Costume!"

Well, sorry, that is not for me.  Maybe it is because I am not in the closet.  Maybe it is because I do it too well.  Maybe it is because awhile back I decided that it is disrespectful to myself.

Why you ask?  Well, I kind of have the thought that I am not a costume.  See, when I dress as a girl, it is just another side to who I am.  It is a part of me.  It is me.  Not entirely me, just sort of an aspect of me.  I see myself as existing somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum.  Somewhere between male and female.  Or somewhere with both male and female aspects.  Hmm.... ????  Am I even making any sense at all?  I dunno!

All I know is that if I were to dress as a girl for Halloween it would be to fully come out to everyone I know, work included.  See, the picture above, is me at work.  It is really the only place that I dress up for Halloween.  Thus, if I were to go as a girl, and do it like I do it, as me, not as a joke version of me, I think everyone would know that I do it more than just for Halloween.

And, I just don't think that I am interested in being fully out at work.  "Fully out at work?" You ask?  Yeah, I am out at work with all of my various gender non-conforming behaviors, but just not with my cross dressing behavior.

Okay, well whatever!  I hope that everyone has a great day, regardless of if you choose to dress as a girl, or a werewolf, or a robot, or a box of Cheerios, or whatever!

Have fun!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Monday, October 27, 2014

Outfit for 10-27-14 - Skirt That Shows off my Skinny

Skirt - ???? (Sorry I forgot and don't have it with me right now!)
Tank - Mossimo
Sweater -
Shoes - Nickles

Jules and I decided to go and get our nails done and it was finally a sort of cooler weather day!  OMG, California is actually cooling off a bit.  Still no rain for the central area where I am, but a day predicted to be in the low 70s?  Wow, now that is cooling off?  Ridiculous huh?

Anyway, I decided to finally wear this skirt!  I had purchased this skirt some time ago, I want to say maybe back in March or April.  It has been hanging in my closet ever since, waiting for a cooler day.  It is a rather thick fabric, and not a good skirt for a warm day.  So it waited.  And finally it came out to play!  Which btw, is some good advice for you for getting a good deal on clothes.  Buy them in the off season and wait for the right time to wear them.  I think this skirt was only about $20!  Which is a steal for such a great item.

Why is it so great?  Well, I like the length.  It is rather long as a skirt for me, but with the longer length I can pull it up higher on my torso, giving me the illusion of a higher waist.  Also, with the thicker black band at the waist, it helps to emphasize my smaller waist.  And there is one more thing that gives it a good skinny look?  Any ideas?????  It is the color blocking.  Having the white on the sides and the black down the middle makes it give me the illusion of being even skinnier than I really am.

One thing with this outfit that I was unsure of was the cropped sweater.  I thought maybe a longer sweater would look better.  But Jules correctly pointed out that with it being shorter, it also helps to emphasize my skinny little waist!  She was so right, so I stuck with it.

Life update-
- Jules has been doing very well lately with her depression.  Looking through her old family photos and trying to sort out where her feelings originated is really helping!  Which is great!
- I have been super busy, as per usual! Have you noticed the blog has really only been updated once per week?  Yeah, a full life!
- My dad has gone into the hospital and possibly will be going to a full time care facility.  I'm trying to decide what my move, if any, will be in regards to that.
- Duck hunting season has opened and another avenue is gobbling up my time!

Okay lovelies out there!  Gotta run.  Gotta go work, work, work!  And the funny thing is all I can ever seem to do is to cross one thing off my list and add five more.  You know, maybe I need to be less motivated!  It is always, go, go, go, go, go!!!  I suppose I can rest when I am ______?????

Love you!

Hope you all are well!

Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Outfit for 10-21-14 - $150 Jeans!!

Top - White House Black Market
Jeans - 7 For All Mankind
Shoes - New York Transit

My good friend, Vivian mentioned to me one time that I had to try a pair of 7 For All Mankind jeans as she thought they would be perfect for me.  Vivian has a very nice shape to herself and informed me that she couldn't fit it the 7 For All Mankind jeans, and that is what made her think they would be perfect for hip challenged girls like me.

So for my birthday shopping trip, jeans were on my list and I knew that I had to try out those jeans.  Jules was with me that day but she went to another shop and thus I ventured into the 7 For All Mankind store by myself.

There were two younger ladies working the counter, and no one else in the store on that early Sunday morning.  They greeted me and I said hello and began browsing the racks.  They asked if they could assist me.  I told them I was just curious.  They inquired what exactly I was looking for.  I informed them, that I had no idea and that I was referred to them by a friend, and that I had never been into their store before and had no idea what I was looking for or what size I was or anything!

That is when they went into action!  One of them peered at me and guessed my size.  She gave me two pairs of the same jeans and told me to go try them on so we could figure out my size.  I ended up being a 27.  Skinny minny me, huh?  I showed them, and one of them said, I knew you were a 27.  They told me to wait there and they went and grabbed about 8 different pairs of jeans for me to try on.

They were all super skinny!  Not according to the tags.  Some were labeled as flared or straight leg, or skinny, but wow, I knew what Vivian was talking about.  Anybody with a decent sized booty was not going to be fitting into these jeans!  But lucky for me, with my mini butt, they actually showed off what I had.

Of course, after all of the super star treatment, and lots of fitting advice and opinions from the ladies as I was trying on and showing off the different pairs of jeans, I settled on the pair that I thought looked the best.

That was when I finally looked at the price tag and saw that they were marked down from $199 to $150!  Holy crap!  I have never paid such an exorbitant amount for a pair of jeans!  But I looked at my butt again and had to by them! Ridiculous I know!

So... anywho... I wore the above outfit while shopping.  Jules and I stopped at a Macy's to get some more Clinique.  The sales associate complemented me on my nails:

Then we went to a Best Buy where a sales associate complemented me on my sweater and said that he loved the purple with the black:

Nobody complemented me on my awesome jeans, but hey I felt like a million bucks!

So thanks Vivian!  You are the best!  I love having such a great friend that can point me in such wonderful directions!

Alrighty then!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Buy yourself something nice, because you are worth it!


Monday, October 13, 2014

Coming Out Summer - Tale #3 - The Oddest One Yet

Each summer one of Jules' friends comes and visits for a day or two.  This is someone who Jules used to work with about 15-20 years ago.  We have both worked with many people over the years in our careers but only a couple have made the switch from work associate to actual friend.  Well L is one of the two.

Which is rather odd as she is do unlike either Jules or I.  Well now that I say that, it occurs to me that she is actually quite like me.  She is actually very gender non-conforming.  She is pretty much the most un-girly girl that I know.  How un-girly?  She has played tackle football.  That is pretty un-girly.  Well, okay, maybe it is just me and my limited exposure to the world, but I have not ever encountered any other girls that have played league tackle football.  Obviously there has to be some, it was part of a league!

Well, that is all besides the point.  Hm.... maybe kinda, maybe it is also kind of the point.  That is what made this tale kind of the oddest so far.  Being that she is rather gender non-conforming herself, she was kind of unsure as to what to say when I told her about myself.  More along the lines of, "yeah, so whatever, why are you even saying anything?"  Because for her, we as humans are all allowed to be whatever we want to, no explanation needed.

Okay, maybe I should just get to the story, huh?

We were hanging out by the pool, L, her latest guy E, Jules and I.  I decided to tell her and so I did.  I told them both that I consider myself to be transgender, gender non-conforming, and an occasional cross dresser.  I had wanted to tell them before we went swimming, as I was planning on going in my new bikini bottoms and I didn't want to freak them out or anything by just doing it.

See, I really hate men's swim suits.  Those overly large baggy shorts, with weird net underwear, and as they are not big enough already, they also need huge pockets in them to carry all sorts of items in them while you go swimming.  Absurd, if you ask me!  I actually just prefer to go naked, but when we have guests over, that really is just a no go.  Well, unless it is Vivian and Edward.  Off topic again!!

So I told them, and L, really did not seem to get it.  She thought I was just talking about things like some clothes and some nail painting.  She has known about that for awhile.  But then I pulled out my iPad and showed her my blog, most notably this picture:

At which point she said, "damn, you are a hotty."  And "your boobs are bigger than mine."  I think then that she kind of got the point of the conversation.  Her boyfriend just sort of sat and listened and nodded.  He also thought I looked pretty good in my photos.

Shortly thereafter we all got changed into our swim suits.  That was when I had to take a deep breath, and do what I wanted, wear my bikini.  So I did it.  And what was the big response?  Jealousy.  L was told me that she was upset with me as I looked far better in a bikini than she did.  I thanked her, but told her that I thought she was wrong.  She was adamant that she was not.  She told me I definitely had the body for a bikini and should never feel weird for wearing it, as I looked great in it.

We hung out and swam and talked and had a great time together.  The next day they left.  But before going they both gave me a big hug and thanked me for being so open and honest with them and how much they appreciated it.

It brought us all much closer together.

All in all, a great thing!

Hope you enjoyed!

Love you!

Love others!

They may just love you back!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Outfit for 10-9-14 & My New Purse

Sweater - White House Black Market
Tank - White House Black Market
Skirt - 36 Point 5
Shoes - Born-O-Concept
Purse - Coach

I wore this outfit for my birthday dinner, which was actually last Saturday.  BTW - Thank you for the birthday well wishes, you are all so sweet!  Jules and I had planned on going to Fenton's Ice Cream Parlor in Oakland, Ca but upon arriving there and seeing the two lines stretching both ways up and down the block we turned around and went back to a Cattlemen's near our hotel.  Oh well, I suppose that steak for dinner was better than ice cream huh?

Earlier int he day we had gone shopping and I picked up three of the things in the above outfit.  The sweater is new, which I think is very nice, I love the length of it.  Check out how it looks from behind:

I love the pop of color from the back due to the shorter back length of the sweater.  Too cute!  I also picked up the tank top.  I fell in love with the color, which is Jules' favorite, btw.

The ribbing running up the tank makes it look rather like a corset, which I think is sexy cute.  The other thing I got that day was my new purse.

I have been contemplating getting another Coach purse, considering how much I love my other ones.  Yes, now I have four of them.  Two I purchased and two were gifts from my dear friend, Vivian.  Anyways, I really like the versatility of this purse due to the long shoulder strap.  It is such a perfect shopping purse.  I can wear the strap across my body and not have to hold onto the purse.  Which I love!  It makes it so convenient.  The long strap also is removable and you can just use the small handle straps if you would like.  It happened to be exactly what I was looking for!  Who knew?

Okay.  That's it for now lovelies!

I hope everyone out there is doing well and having a good week.

Love you!

Love yourselves!