Monday, January 28, 2013

I Like Questions

The evening’s conversation turned towards my personal proclivities when B asked me, ‘what do you think is the biggest difference between men’s and women’s clothes?’

I hesitated in replying to him.  I think because I was so happy inside that a friend of mine felt comfortable enough to ask me that question.

During my pause, B asked ‘Well what if we just limit the question to jeans?’

I forget exactly what I said; I think my response had something to do with cut and variety.  What I was really super thrilled about was that I was able to discuss fashion about both men’s and women’s clothes.  The conversation wasn’t just about me cross dressing, but at the same time it was.

I gave my thoughts and the conversation drifted.  We talked about a large variety of things that evening.  I think that they were drinking mojitos and Jules and I were doing tequila shots occasionally. 

At some point B asked another question about my cross dressing and personally I was thrilled.  It honestly was so much fun hanging out with friends that I really like and they know that I am a cross dresser and they still like me and aren’t freaked out by it; enough so that they are actually willing to discuss it with me.  Wow.  What fun.  Really.  It really, really was.  In that moment I was very appreciative of the bravery I showed months ago in revealing to them what I like to do.  I had once thought that telling others what I do could possibly be the worst, most horrible decision I could ever make.  And instead here I was sitting with my friends who made me feel so touched simply by wanting to know more about what I like to do.

B asked ‘So, when you cross dress, what do you do?  Like, is it just some clothes or what?’

I gave him a brief overview of the changing nature of my cross dressing.  Basically, it grew from just a few pieces of clothes being worn occasionally to now where I will dress from head to toe, completely including a wig and makeup.

At this point, both A and B started asking questions.  One I remember was – How often do I dress?  - Answer – A couple of times a month or so right now, as it is duck season, but it changes, non-duck hunting months, maybe from 2 -4 times per month, during vacations, it often becomes much more frequent; often while on vacation, especially driving ones, I will only even take girls clothes with me. 

Another question that I remember B asking was – what is the look that you are going for? Answer – just another average girl.  At this point Jules started saying that I should just pull out my ipad and show them pictures of me on my website. 

Do you remember that I like to be pushed?  Occasionally I will really feel the shove of the hand and this time I almost fell.  Wow, show someone, besides Jules, and the millions of strangers who have seen me while out and about.  This startled me.  I mean, it is one thing to tell someone that you cross dress and an entirely different thing to then put yourself out there for potential critique.

Wow.  Five years ago, oh hell no.  Five years ago they would have never known.  But day by, week by week, month by month, year by year, I have pushed myself hard for me to be okay with myself.  If I am okay with myself, then what could be said that could hurt me by them?  I took a shot of tequila, a deep breath, and opened my ipad. 

Very quickly my site was loaded and then my friends were looking at me dressed as a girl.

I think that I dissociated from myself then as I do not have very clear memories of what their initial reactions were, or it could have just been the tequila shots.  Either way, Jules and I both remember that the reactions were very positive and supportive.

A, the female of A and B, liked my look.  What I was thrilled about was that she said there were a couple of outfits that she liked.  She told me that she liked my wig; that it looked good on me.  She was also quite amazed at the pictures of my cleavage and was surprised at how completely hairless it was.  (She has seen it otherwise.)  She also said that she would not recognize me if she saw me out in the world.  I have some vague recollection that B said something positive about my looks.

And then it was done.  I didn’t die.  The world didn’t end.  My friends saw me as Nadine.  And all was well with the world.

In reflection the evening was one of the best times I have ever spent.  I was so happy with them as friends, but I was also thrilled with myself.

And being thrilled with myself is one end result of me working hard with my own perceptions of myself.

Love yourself more and find the ever elusive happiness. 

Monday, January 21, 2013

Outfit for 1/21/13

Black Top - Converse All Stars
Blue Tank - Moreno
Jeans - LEI
Booties - Nine West 

I tried wearing a specific color combo today.  I went for the light colored jeans and the dark colored top to try and make more shoulders appear smaller.  I kind of think it did the trick I also like how the top is button up and it creates an elongated V shape on my torso.  With the bright blue underneath, which really pops, it adds to the slimming effect.

Today we went to a local zoo that houses only local animals that have been injured or otherwise cannot be returned to the wild.  It is worth it to say that before we walked around the zoo I changed my shoes to a pair of better walking shoes.  They weren't the best, a pair of low top converse.

I hope things are going well for you all.  Love Ya!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Outfit for Monday 1-14-13 - Love the Boots!

Sweater - Moreno
Jeans - Guess
White & Black Top - Guess
Boots - Nine West

Hmm... I think I see some themes in my outfits.  Guess and Nine West anyone?  Okay, you are right, that theme is there, but it is not my fault that Guess makes such nice clothes, that flatter my body type wonderfully and that Nine West makes such cute shoes.  Ooh, and very importantly, both of these shops are at most of the outlet malls that I frequent and further more, the prices are fairly reasonable.  Think I have justified my choices enough?  I do, so let's move on.

The boots:

I love these boots but I have a difficult time of wearing them.  They are difficult for me to wear as they have a rather small toe box.  The length of the shoes is fine, but they squeeze around my feet a bit.  But if they did not have that small toe box then I don't know if I would like them as much.  Initially when I bought them I was so, so, about them due to the rounded toe.  But as time has gone on, I have found I really like the rounded toe.  I mean come on, look at how tiny it makes my feet appear.  Now I don't have really big feet in the first place.  I wear a 9.5 in ladies.  But after wearing these cute little boots all day yesterday I went home and tried on a different pair of shoes, with a large pointy toe, and WOW my feet looked huge!

I think I heard someone at some point remark that if you wear larger than a size 9 shoes then you should avoid pointy toes.  I think I am starting to be of that opinion as well.  Interesting as I have many a pointy toe shoe.

I still have not gotten around to sharing the 2nd half of my exciting new years eve evening.  I told you the first part, in the previous post.  The second part is that I shared with A & B what I look like while dressed as Nadine.  It was quite interesting and deserves its own post.

So until then folk, take care.  Love Ya!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Outcomes of Choices

Awhile back some of you may remember my post about the camping trip I went on.  If you do not, a small recap - Jules and I went camping with another couple, A & B.  During our camping trip I decided to divulge my secret life as a cross dresser.

We have hung out with them several times since that camping trip but nothing about me cross dressing has come up during that time period.  Really nothing at all had changed with them knowing what I like to do, which was nice.  It was nice knowing that I could tell friends and my world wouldn't end.  Life went on.

For this past New Years Eve Jules and I luckily got to spend the evening with A & B alone.  I think it may have been the first time since the camping trip.

During the evening A & B stumbled a couple of times over their words, indicating they obviously had something they were considering telling us.  Over a short period of time, it came out. B divulged something to Jules and I that he had not told anyone except for his wife.  B told us that his reasoning behind telling us had been my honesty with my cross dressing.

It was an amazing display of honesty and openness.  Jules and I were very touched.   B made it very clear that he has told no one else except for his wife, and I will not divulge what he said here, or to anyone, ever.

What is important to mention on this blog is that instead of ruining my life, my honesty has brought me much closer to good people.  And further more my honesty has helped others to be more comfortable and secure in who they are.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Miniskirt in January? - Outfit for 1/4/13

Jacket - Guess
Top - Axcess
Skirt - Guess
Leggings - Mossimo
Boots - Nine West

I have owned the leggings I am wearing for a couple of years now but I think this may have been the first time that I have worn them.  They are rather thick and I just have not ever found a good way to wear them until I decided that I wanted to wear them today.  I was bound and determined to find a way for them to look good.  I think I succeeded.

The boots were an interesting decision for me.  I could not decide between two different pairs.  The one pictured and a different pair that is a little bit shorter and very form fitting to my calves.  I decided to wear the larger pair as they are not so form fitting.  The effect is that it makes my legs look skinny while they other pair made my legs look bulky, which they are not.  It took both my wife and I staring at the different pairs of boots while I had them on to figure out what was going on.  The lighting of the picture above makes it a little difficult to see what I am talking about, but if you were here in person you would have seen what we saw.

Today's outfit was worn while we went to a variety of places.  First we went shoe shopping at TJMaxx.  It sucked, there was nothing there.  Maybe they just downsized their shoe department for winter; I'm really not sure.  We then went to a plant store and got some gardening supplies.  After that we went to a new to us store in the mall.  It is called The Brow Bar.

We both wanted to get our brows done and decided to try some place that specializes in eyebrow care.  We walked up to three ladies standing in the doorway and they asked if we wanted to get our brows done.  They led us to chairs and had us lean back and then they started threading our brows.  Wow, it had been some time since I had anything done to my brows.  And wow it hurt.  I like threading more than waxing, but again, wow, it hurt so much that I was tearing but the end and the technician asked if I was alright.  I was. And my brows looked much, much better, but again ouch!  Oh and one thing I forgot to do was to spend enough time cleaning up my face afterwards as there were many little hairs covering my entire eye areas.  I think they should add an after step of brushing away the stray hairs.

Okay.  Love Ya! - I gotta tell you all what happened on new years eve, soon, maybe later today.