Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Redo of Yesterdays Outfit Post

Knit Top - No idea who made it - thrifted
Striped Top - Mosimo
Pants - Guess
Booties - Nine West

Do you like to be pushed off a cliff?  I don't think most people do.  I think I do.  Well at least that is how it feels.  It feels as though if I push myself, I am pushing myself off of a cliff that foretells no chance of survival.  How silly we humans often are.  I am often reminded of a scene from The Matrix:

Boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Boy: Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. 

Such wise movie wisdom.  Oftentimes in trying to realize the truth, my body reacts as though I am being pushed off of a cliff.  When in reality there is no cliff, it is simply a systems of beliefs that I have forced upon myself.  

So, do I like being pushed?  Yes.  And what I strive to do is to push myself before anyone else has the chance.

Okay, so another thing.  Headless photos.  Yes I have many of them.  Today I have redone my outfit post from yesterday, due to caring Leslie Ann.  Thank you Leslie Ann.  I appreciate the shove.

A big problem I have with most of my photos is, do I look happy?  I should be.  I should be thrilled.  And quite honestly I feel stupid for even mentioning it, but I am not happy.  Why, you ask?  Difficulties with my wife.  Difficulties with the wife you say?  Yes, difficulties.  Until yesterday I have been unable to properly label it, but my wife suffers from dysthymia.  Heard of it?  I had not until yesterday.  Then while reading about it, it was reading about the woman I have lived with for 26 years.

I know that complaining about my wife in any way is like a slap in the face to many of you.  Yes I have read many of your blogs.  Yes I have read, and cried, over how many of your wives have treated many of you.  And yes I have looked at and appreciated how my wife has handled my cross dressing.  But none of that negates the issue of her living with dysthymia, and thus me having to try and coexist with someone in the state.  See, she has never been willing to accept  that something other than us not getting along was happening.  But for 26 years I have insisted that something else has been happening.  Well, guess what?  I was right.  Go figure!

Dysthymia.  I have a feeling that many CD's are bearers of this insidious condition.  I have a feeling that many humans deal with this as well.

Okay.  On that, I've gotta run.  Love you.  Love yourself.  Love life.  

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Outfit for 11/27/12 - Mixing Patterns

Knit Top - No idea who made it - thrifted
Striped Top - Mosimo
Pants - Guess
Booties - Nine West

I really like this knit top.  I forget if I have shown any outfits with it already or not, but today I have paired it with an unusual top, the black and purple striped top I have on underneath it.  The knit top is really nice and I like it a lot.  The arms are extra long, which obviously helps to cover my arms, and they also go down to about half way down my hands, which also helps to hide them.  The thing that is concerning for me is the large gap, and I needed something to help cover up the top of the pants.  The striped top fit that bill perfectly.

I was a little concerned about the conflicting patterns that wearing both of the top together would produce, but upon trying them on together I really like the look.  Wearing them together makes me look extra skinny.

Speaking of which have I ever mentioned one of favorite blogs, Already Pretty?  I like Sal's take on things fashionable and body image wise.  I highly recommend a look at it, especially for the CD crowd.  I think we as a whole are often very unhappy with our bodies.  Sal and I both believe that the right clothes can help us to be more appreciative of what we have to work with.

Sorry for such long delays between postings.  I seem to have a bunch of in-progress projects at the moment and life seems to continue to be life, which is testing my abilities.

I hope you all are well.  Love Ya!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

How Difficult It Is

Every single outfit picture starts off full size, with my head included, but by the time it ends up on my site, they are all headless.  I have mentioned that I have found it easier to retain my anonymity but I don't know that for sure.  What I do know for sure is that I find it extremely difficult to be happy with the pictures of my face.  It is so easy to use clothes to get my body to appear more feminine but my face, alas, I struggle.

What is it?  Does my face look only male?  Does it not look feminine in anyway?  Or is it just the limitations of pictures?  A photo captures such a small piece of time and is so easily manipulated.  The angle of camera towards the subject, the lighting, the colors of the subject, the abilities of the camera processor, the variables of photographs are almost endless.

Recently I tried something that I do on occasion.  I took my camera and took about 50-100 photos of just my face.  I then had my wife take about another 50-100 photos, of primarily my face.  Here is my thoughts about this process.  A good photo comes from taking enough pictures, not about taking the best possible photo.

Thus I have found a few that I think I look good in.  And that feels good.  It allows me to be able to see myself in real life, more as though I see myself in my head.  Not that I see myself full time as a woman, but when I dress as a woman I would like see a woman looking back.  And occasionally, if I take enough photos, I can see that woman.

Take more pictures.  Love yourself more.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Outfit from Today Nov. 4th

Top - Merona
Skirt - Guess
Tights - Merona
Boots - Nine West

Today's outfit was inspired by my own thoughts about the last outfit post that I made.  Within that post I mentioned that I was wearing some of my favorite boots, but that they were covered by my jeans, which I liked and didn't like.  Today, I am doing something that I don't necessarily like, I am wearing boots with a skirt.  But the thing that makes it oh so much more appealing to me, are the black tights.  The tights allow for the look of the boot to carry up the leg to the skirt.

What I don't like about skirts and boots is the segmented look that they can create.  What I mean by that, is that you have the dark color of the boot, all of mine are black, the light color of the leg skin, and then the color of the skirt.  This turns the lower half of your body into three distinct segments.  This often has the effect of making the legs look shorter.  I don't know if it is true or not, but I feel as though my legs are shorter than I would like, and I try to make them look longer rather than shorter.  So by matching my boot color with my tights it makes my legs look longer.

You get the same effect by wearing a nude color heel with a skirt.  The shoe blends with your leg color and makes your legs look that much longer.

Today I wore this outfit to go shopping at Costco.  Wow, it was really crowded today for a Sunday morning  Oh well, I still got everything that I needed.

Okay, love ya!