Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Fetish? I Think it May be a Bit More Complex

People of all sexes have the right to explore femininity, masculinity—and the infinite variations between—without criticism or ridicule.
Leslie Feinberg

Is that too much to ask?

Before I ever started blogging, I never really bothered with reading blogs about trans anything.  I read plenty of fashion blogs.  And maybe now I wish I had stayed an ignorant fool.

As I have stated elsewhere in my blog, I personally have been the recipient of rude behavior while dressed as a woman, maybe once or twice.  What I have observed is that the general public is not interested in what I am doing nearly as much as they are concerned with what people think about what they are doing.

But honestly I am sickened by the utter hatred I have read from what I consider to be my own group of people.  What group is that you may ask?  Well personally I would prefer to be a group of one, but that doesn't really make much of a group does it?  The group is the spectrum of gender within which I find myself.

I kind of had this idea that if someone else didn't really seem to fit into the binary system of male or female that maybe that kind of bonded us all together.  But what I am slowly realizing is that it doesn't.

Apparently I find myself in a group of well hated people, the lowly cross dresser.  Hated by who?  Apparently hated by other people who are truly _______  I don't know what they are, but apparently I am not what they are.  Why?  Because I will not cut off my penis and attempt to look as physically complete as a woman as I can.

One attack I read recently compared a cross dresser's looks to that of a donkey's ass.  Another blog I have read states that all cross dressers are simple fetishists.

A donkey's ass?  Okay, maybe not a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, but a donkey's ass?  Hardly.  To this wonderful blogger I will simply say, have you looked the general public in the face, and then checked to see if they have a penis or a vagina?  I think not.  You might be surprised on who has what.

To the conjecture that if you do not cut off your dick you are suffering from a simple fetish, have you bothered to look up a definition of the word, rather than creating your own because it suits you to insult others?  Well here is that definition for those that are google deficient.

From dictionary.com


  [fet-ish, fee-tish]  Show IPA
an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment orhabitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence,respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.
Psychology any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

Why don't you come live in my pumps for awhile?  Not a single one of those definitions define me.

I will bite my tongue.  I will not link to those wonderful pages I have mentioned.  I will not spread hatred to whom I consider to my brethren.  What I will say is, if we can't count on others who have experience within the beautiful spectrum that is gender how can any of us expect the truly ignorant to be understanding.

I understand that just because I don't understand you and your choices, I don't get to belittle you as a living being on this infinitesimally small speck of dust called Earth.


  1. Leslie's quote at the top says it all really.

    PS Have you cavorting with the HBS crew? ;)

    1. I thought about just publishing Leslie's quote because it does say it all.

      I am sorry maybe it is too early in the morning but I don't get the HBS reference.

  2. Nadine

    A reasonable, timely and well thought out post. I am glad that you expanded on the initial quote.

    It does seem that there is an unnecessary amoung of 'flaming' that takes place amont those who have some position on the 'gender spectrum'.

    I have taken a few shots on various comments that I have made and I see a good deal of intolerance from people who one would think would want to encourage tolerance across the board. There does seem to be some friction between some TS people who have transitioned and those who have not.

    I also sense that there is a lack of political tolerance in the community. That is unfortunate. It seems that we would all be better served if we could all just get along.


    1. I was in Los Angeles during the riots and I clearly remember Rodney King's message, "Can't we all just get along?" I kept thinking about that line while writing this post.

  3. "Can't we all just get along?" I believe The Joker said that too, but he may not have meant it. :-)

    Film references aside, I don't understand why certain folk need to be so rude. Speaking personally, it is a very small minority, but then does it take many vocal people to tar lots of others with the same brush?

    Dare I say - and this may cause upset - is that for the outside work / non-trans folk, we - the trans community - are pretty much the same, right? To Joe Public, we are people who dress in the clothes of the opposite sex. I'm not sure we're understood by society at large and personally, I'm with you on acceptance and tolerance of other trans people.

    Do I 'get' (understand?) gents who want to wear just a basque and stockings for sexual thrills? No, but is there any reason why I should be intolerant? They are a person just like you and I; just with a different take on life and the TG mindset. :-)

    1. Excellent thoughts Lynn. Thanks!

      I personally see no reason to be intolerant of others take upon life when what they are doing doesn't hurt anyone else. But I suppose within that is the rub. People can claim any number of things as hurting them. I try my best to take care of my own hurts and not blame my hurts upon others.

  4. I strongly agree.

    Not that fetishists are bad people. I certainly have more time for fetishists than for intolerant bigots.