Sunday, August 19, 2012
Crossdresser as Selfish?
It has taken quite some time to formulate my thoughts about what Paula, from Paula's Place, commented on my wife's post, and then began a discussion on Crossdressers Forum, so I'm sorry for the tardiness of this post. Anyways here is what she had to say:
"...I suspect that we cross dressers are a pretty selfish self absorbed bunch..."
I believe that there is nothing about crossdressing that makes the act inherently selfish in and of itself. What I think makes many of us think that it is a selfish act is that we have many people in our lives that do not want us to crossdress. They express their desires to not have us do what we would like to do. The people that ask us to not crossdress are often the most important people in our lives, our spouses. We love, respect, and want to please these people, and yet we cannot rid ourselves of the desire to crossdress and so continue on with what many people consider to be an abomination.
It is this conflict that manifests itself as selfishness. If there were no conflict, there would be no selfishness. For example, if you told your spouse you wanted to crossdress and they said, 'oh my god, I was so hoping you would tell me that because I always thought you would look great in my favorite little black dress,' would it be considered selfish if you then began wearing that dress? I don't think anybody would think that it was.
But that is generally not ever what happens when someone tells their spouse of their crossdressing desires. What I assert happens is that their spouse tells them that it is wrong and tells them they do not want them to do it. Isn't that the beginning of the selfish blame game?
They are the ones who begin the selfishness, by telling us they do not want us to do it, and further that they will not accept us if we do it. If we tell them that we will continue we then become the selfish ones. When they tell their friends of what we are doing, their friends tell them that indeed their spouse is being very selfish in continuing to do something that they hate.
If we do not acquiesce to their demands we are labeled as selfish. Why are our desires any more selfish than their desires? Could it be because we are the ones that are doing something that is seen as aberrant?
When we say that we love someone, what does that mean? Will we only love someone as long as they will only do what we want them to do? Or do we love the actual person?
Cartoon from - Mimi and Eunice