Thursday, June 28, 2012
I have read much about how GGs say that trans girls don't really know what it is like to be a woman. That unless you are born a woman you don't know what it is and just because you make yourself look like a woman through clothes or surgeries and hormones, you are still not a real woman.
I agree I have no idea what it means to be born as a real woman.
But... There is another aspect to this as well. I don't know if I know what it is like to be a real man. I have always known that I was a boy simply because of what is between my legs. My genitals have defined me as male. But now that I have grown to be a man of 40 years I see a large schism between myself and what is considered manly.
For example - I like to talk about everything and anything with my wife, no topic is taboo. I like taking care of my body and my skin. I dislike body hair. I like soft frilly colorful clothes. I hate drinking beer. I don't like watching just about any sport. I like having a clean house with everything organized and put in it's place. I love having my fingernails painted. I like putting on makeup. I like talking on the phone. I have my ears pierced. I like wearing jewelry.
This list could go on.
My point is, other guys look at me as though I am a freak. When I go hang out with the guys and they toss me a beer and I'm supposed to crack it and kick back while watching the game, when I tell them I'm not interested in doing that they give me that guy look that not so subtly says "Are you gay?"
Like that is the ultimate insult or something. Which it often is among manly men. And I have often wondered, what is wrong with me. Why don't I like what other regular guys like? The older I have gotten the more I wonder, maybe I have the wrong thing between my legs. Maybe I should have been born with different parts.
But then I think about - I like to use the parts I was born with, they have brought me great pleasure over my lifetime so far. I regularly enjoy growing out my facial hair, yes even while shaving all the rest of my body hair. I love hunting, killing, cleaning, and eating birds. I like talking while burping. I like watching UFC. I love working in my wood shop.
This list could go on also.
So what am I? Other guys don't consider me to be a real guy and girls don't consider me to be a real girl. I guess I am somewhere between. I exist within the spectrum that is gender. And I am no longer worried with defining what I am. I am me and me is beautiful. I don't want to change myself to be either one or the other. I like being me. I am happy being me.
I am the happiest when I break down my own barriers and allow myself to be myself to the fullest.
I hope you are happy with you.