Thursday, June 28, 2012

Living Undefined


I have read much about how GGs say that trans girls don't really know what it is like to be a woman.  That unless you are born a woman you don't know what it is and just because you make yourself look like a woman through clothes or surgeries and hormones, you are still not a real woman.

I agree I have no idea what it means to be born as a real woman.

But... There is another aspect to this as well.  I don't know if I know what it is like to be a real man.  I have always known that I was a boy simply because of what is between my legs.  My genitals have defined me as male.  But now that I have grown to be a man of 40 years I see a large schism between myself and what is considered manly.

For example - I like to talk about everything and anything with my wife, no topic is taboo.  I like taking care of my body and my skin.  I dislike body hair.  I like soft frilly colorful clothes.  I hate drinking beer.  I don't like watching just about any sport.  I like having a clean house with everything organized and put in it's place. I love having my fingernails painted.  I like putting on makeup.  I like talking on the phone.  I have my ears pierced.  I like wearing jewelry.

This list could go on.

My point is, other guys look at me as though I am a freak.  When I go hang out with the guys and they toss me a beer and I'm supposed to crack it and kick back while watching the game, when I tell them I'm not interested in doing that they give me that guy look that not so subtly says "Are you gay?"

Like that is the ultimate insult or something.  Which it often is among manly men.  And I have often wondered, what is wrong with me.  Why don't I like what other regular guys like?  The older I have gotten the more I wonder, maybe I have the wrong thing between my legs.  Maybe I should have been born with different parts.

But then I think about - I like to use the parts I was born with, they have brought me great pleasure over my lifetime so far.  I regularly enjoy growing out my facial hair, yes even while shaving all the rest of my body hair.  I love hunting, killing, cleaning, and eating birds.  I like talking while burping.  I like watching UFC.  I love working in my wood shop.

This list could go on also.

So what am I?  Other guys don't consider me to be a real guy and girls don't consider me to be a real girl.  I guess I am somewhere between.  I exist within the spectrum that is gender.  And I am no longer worried with defining what I am.  I am me and me is beautiful.  I don't want to change myself to be either one or the other.   I like being me.  I am happy being me.

I am the happiest when I break down my own barriers and allow myself to be myself to the fullest.

I hope you are happy with you.

Love ya!

9 comments:

  1. This is a great post Nadine, I'm pleased greatly that you are happy and comfortable with who you are. That is the best and most anyone can ask/wish for and why try to fix something that obviously is not broken!

    I wonder if you'd mind if I link this?

    Best wishes to you and yours!

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    1. Thank you for your comments. Yes you certainly may link to this.

      Thanks!

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  2. Nadine
    A great post.
    The beauty of life is that we are all different. It would be a terrible world if we all thought, acted and looked the same.

    Neither you nor I invented this theme. The songs "I've Got to be me" from "Man from LaMancha" and Sinatra's "My Way" make the statement for us.

    The concept of "One size fits all" is as much of a misnomer in the world at large as in the 'so-called' gender community as it is in the marketing of pantyhose.

    Be the best and happiest 'you' that you can be.

    Pat

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  3. Couldn't agree more. I have also wondered if I really know what it feels like to be a man. I certainly know that most men don't spend hours each day wondering about how it would feel to be on the other team. My male experience is nowhere near normal.

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  4. In a world that tries to make everyone 'normal' those who push the boundaries are either wrong-headed or a rock star. You are definitely the latter!

    Way to go Nadine. :)

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    1. Thank you Halle. A rock star, wow!

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  5. 'Real men', pah!

    It annoys me when people use the term, assuming that 'real men' are good men. It annoys me even when they try to amend the notion, claiming, for instance, 'real men do cry', as opposed to 'good people - male or female - cry; real men are insensitive gits'.

    I could explain intellectually why I find 'real man' attitudes stupid, callous and crass. The idea that I only find them stupid, callous and crass because of my gender composition is an intriguing, though partly uncomfortable, one.

    Not that 'real woman' is the ideal. 'Good person' is surely the aspiration.

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  6. Personally I think the whole idea of "men are this, women are that" is complete twaddle. It's an artificial construction of a society obsessed with sex difference, a society that imposes sex difference on everyone and calls it binary gender.

    The stuff we do as transvestites is not "women's stuff", it's just "stuff" — "human stuff", which anyone who is so inclined should be able to do.

    Society says that only women are allowed to do this stuff, and tries to tell women that they have to do it, and that men have to do something else. What a complete load of nonsense! It really is!

    Okay, rant over. Thank you for listening :)

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    1. I love this line, "The stuff we do as transvestites is not "women's stuff", it's just "stuff" — "human stuff", which anyone who is so inclined should be able to do."

      I so agree.

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