Monday, June 25, 2012

Guest Post From My Wife



I thought that I would give my wife some space on my site to represent her thoughts about my cross dressing.  So today  I have asked for her to write a guest post from a wife's perspective.  I will also take this post of hers and possible other ones and create a page specifically addressing issues associated with cross dressing and marriage.  

Enjoy!

From Nadine's Wife:

In the Beginning
 When my husband first told me he wanted to cross-dress, we were in our early to mid twenties. Really I don’t remember a lot about how I reacted to this new info, but I don’t think I was really all that surprised that he wanted to do this. He was already wearing women’s underwear so this seemed in line with that.  It was kind of a slow progression then that if I remember correctly started with him wearing bras and breasts at home usually during sex, and then more women’s clothing at home both during sex and just hanging out.  I don’t think I had any issues with this first stage of his cross-dressing mainly because I am attracted to women and breasts are fun to play with during sex. Also, wearing women’s clothes seemed to make him happy so I went with it. I knew he had played dress up with his sister when he was young and really loved it so I kind of figured that that feeling of happiness just stayed with him.

Inside I wondered what this meant in the long term like did he want to be a woman some day or be with men.  I had feeling s that I was not enough of a woman for him that he wanted to do this to make up for my short comings as a partner.  Yet I was very supportive in this stage.

Later
As time went on, and he became more interested in cross-dressing, and adding more to be fully dressed as a woman including a wig and makeup, I wasn’t sure how to feel, but I tried to be supportive. This is my husband and this makes him happy, but I had no experience with being really girly myself and his interest in these things kind of scared me a little. I definitely was not as supportive as I could have been during this period and sometimes was rude in my comments to him. It took my husband to point out that him doing this was making me look at myself and my lack of feminism or girlyness.  He was right  and I am a stubborn person, so it took me some time to know that was true. But I did.  Actually because of him, I wear makeup to work every day now, and whenever I go out with him or friends.  I think that women with cross-dressing boyfriends or husbands need to understand that they need to be supportive regardless of anything if they want to be with their man.

It was another change when my husband decided he wanted to go out in public dressed as a woman. Before this, I really wasn’t concerned about the outside world and my husband cross-dressing. But when he expressed his new desire, I got really scared about what might happen and what people might think and thus say or do to him or me. (A waste of time because studies have shown that 90% of what we worry about never happens.) Also this brought up the thoughts that he might want to dress as a woman full time or eventually become a woman. That really scared me. I loved both sides of him and didn’t want to lose that. But after talking about it, and him letting me know emphatically that he really enjoyed being a man and a woman, and that he would never want to change that, I let go of that fear. He started going out in public about 5 years ago (I think) and the more he did, the more people surprised the both of us. People went out of their way to be kind and helpful instead of what I thought would happen. I am so proud of him and thankful to him because he had/has the courage to do what he enjoyed and through those actions, we have both been able to see people in a new light.   

4 comments:

  1. I wish my wife, now my ex, had the same attitude when I started my transition. We still live together but not as a married couple and she is a lot more relaxed about who I am now. She still has difficulty in calling me by my name though even though I've been Shirley Anne for over ten years and have fully transitioned (post-op for ten years). It is difficult for those we love to come to terms with things like this but it is a sign of true love when they do. I think you are a very understanding and loving person to be able to accept what is happening.

    Shirley Anne x

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  2. You're a wonderful lady. You not only recognized your own insecurities, but rose above them. You husband is an uncommonly lucky man to have found you.

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  3. Thank you for this, I suspect that we cross dressers are a pretty selfish self absorbed bunch, so it is good to ear from the other and to be reminded that this can be so very difficult even for supportive partners.

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  4. Your post on 'selfishness' inspired me to go back and read your wife's post. I am surprised that I had not commented on it since it is a beautiful and articulate expression of love and tolerance. Over the years as she was coming to grips with the significance of your crossdressing on your relationship she had the love and understanding to know that your desires were not hurtful and that your dressing was something that brought you serenity and happiness.

    Pat

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