Monday, December 24, 2012

Outfit for Today - 12/24/12

Turtle Neck - Mossimo
Sweater - Guess
Jeans - Guess
Jacket - Guess
Shoes - Nine West

Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate this day.  Personally I generally celebrate the day, but not in any sort of religious fashion.

In my outfit, I really like the coat.  I highly recommend to anyone to spend some money on a good coat.  My wife has a similar coat in white, but she really likes my black one.  I would like it if I owned both.  Since I don't I am happy with the black one.  It is a very slimming color, which is good for those that are rather broad shouldered, like myself.  I also like the turtle neck top, in black, because it too helps to slim down my neck, which is kind of odd, as it adds bulk.

Today I wore this to the movies.  Jules and I went and saw The Hobbit.  I really had heard next to nothing about the movie before seeing it, which is the way I prefer it generally.  Overall I liked the movie, but was quite disappointed to find out that it is the first in a series.  I am kind of tired of all of the series movies.  Come on Hollywood, give me some originality!

I just love these little booties and had to show them off better.

Love Ya!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

I Can't Wait for Tomorrow to Pass

I want to tell you how tired I am of the Mayan 2012 end of the world thing.  I am so tired of all of the tv-shows that keep replaying, over and over.  Today it is absolutely ridiculous, show after show, on The History Channel of all things.  Why is that?  Why does a channel, called The History Channel, show programs that have nothing to do with history?

I don't think that it would bother me so much, if so many people in the general public didn't actually believe them.  Maybe it is just the population that I work with, but I encounter many people that actually worry about if the world will end tomorrow.  I have had some people argue with me that the Mayans predicting the end of the world on December 21st, 2012 is a credible theory.

What this is tapping into within me is that I think many people believe in things that are not always real.  I observe in society a spectrum of people.  People who believe in doomsday prophecies are just at one end of the spectrum, or at least closer to it.  Like the Heaven's Gate Cult, those folks were clearly at the far end of the spectrum, the clearly crazy side.

But really, these people just believe something that not everyone believes.  Is it the number of people that believe something that is what makes it more or less credible?

I think most of us do not really think the world is going to end tomorrow, but I think many of us are worried about things that are just as false, just not as easily seen to be wrong.

The world will not end on December 21st, 2012, just as the Mayans predicted, and the world will not end because I occasionally dress as a woman.

On another note, I have been working back through my blog, removing any picture or graphic that I have violated the copyright.  So if you see some of the pictures on my past posts changing, that is what is going on with that.

Happy holidays, love ya.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Copyright Violation or Admiration

If someone takes what you write and reprints it, should you view it as a copyright violation or be proud that you have written something good enough that someone else would like to reprint it?

Does it make a difference why they reprinted it?  Does it make a difference who their audience is?  Does it make a difference if they are profiting from the reprinting?

I have recently been reading up on copyright opinions.  There are quite a few of them out there.  Copyright means, if you created it, you own it and no one else has a right to do anything with it, other than read it, look at it, or listen to it.  But there are some that feel that the original creator will benefit, and further that society will benefit, from freely copying others works.

On the one hand I agree that copyright is silly, but on the other, I think it is of the utmost importance. 

What if someone takes what you have written, removes your name from it, and republishes it elsewhere that is not associated with you in anyway?  I am not quite sure how that would help the original creator.

If someone wants to copy what I have done, and reprint it somewhere else, with my name on it, really, please do that.  That would be a great favor to me.  You would be helping to get my message out, as well as my name.

But I honestly have a large problem with someone copying my work and removing all identifying information from it.  I don’t care that you don’t put your name on it; I care that my name was removed from it.

A comic creator that I enjoy, Nina Paley, draws a cartoon called Mimi and Eunice.  I think it is super cute and is very well written.  Here is an example:

 Nina believes strongly in freedom from copyright.  She tells people to freely copy her work and distribute it widely.  But can you see closely between the frames?  It is her website address, which could be removed but would be difficult.  Also, she is distributing a fairly original and recognizable product.  What do I distribute?  Words.  Words are not distinctly recognizable as any one particular author.  If you remove the author’s name, you remove the only thing that attaches the piece to its creator. 

It was with great surprise that I recently found one of my posts, word for word, reprinted somewhere else, without my permission.  And more importantly, there was no identifying information printed along with it.  The person who took it, did not try and pass it off as their own, but there was also no acknowledgment made that it wasn’t their own.

Here is what I think – if you want to reprint something from my blog, please ask, I will more than likely agree to it, but you will minimally need to state where you took it from. 

Copying is not always great or a compliment.  If you reprint my stuff in a pro cross dressing publication, cool.  But what if someone wanted to reprint my stuff in something that was trying to prove that cross dressers are evil horrible people that should be crucified?  I don’t think I would want anything that I have written reprinted as a part of that.

What do you think?  Should people be able to freely reprint anything, anywhere, that anyone has done?

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Redo of Yesterdays Outfit Post

Knit Top - No idea who made it - thrifted
Striped Top - Mosimo
Pants - Guess
Booties - Nine West

Do you like to be pushed off a cliff?  I don't think most people do.  I think I do.  Well at least that is how it feels.  It feels as though if I push myself, I am pushing myself off of a cliff that foretells no chance of survival.  How silly we humans often are.  I am often reminded of a scene from The Matrix:

Boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Boy: Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. 

Such wise movie wisdom.  Oftentimes in trying to realize the truth, my body reacts as though I am being pushed off of a cliff.  When in reality there is no cliff, it is simply a systems of beliefs that I have forced upon myself.  

So, do I like being pushed?  Yes.  And what I strive to do is to push myself before anyone else has the chance.

Okay, so another thing.  Headless photos.  Yes I have many of them.  Today I have redone my outfit post from yesterday, due to caring Leslie Ann.  Thank you Leslie Ann.  I appreciate the shove.

A big problem I have with most of my photos is, do I look happy?  I should be.  I should be thrilled.  And quite honestly I feel stupid for even mentioning it, but I am not happy.  Why, you ask?  Difficulties with my wife.  Difficulties with the wife you say?  Yes, difficulties.  Until yesterday I have been unable to properly label it, but my wife suffers from dysthymia.  Heard of it?  I had not until yesterday.  Then while reading about it, it was reading about the woman I have lived with for 26 years.

I know that complaining about my wife in any way is like a slap in the face to many of you.  Yes I have read many of your blogs.  Yes I have read, and cried, over how many of your wives have treated many of you.  And yes I have looked at and appreciated how my wife has handled my cross dressing.  But none of that negates the issue of her living with dysthymia, and thus me having to try and coexist with someone in the state.  See, she has never been willing to accept  that something other than us not getting along was happening.  But for 26 years I have insisted that something else has been happening.  Well, guess what?  I was right.  Go figure!

Dysthymia.  I have a feeling that many CD's are bearers of this insidious condition.  I have a feeling that many humans deal with this as well.

Okay.  On that, I've gotta run.  Love you.  Love yourself.  Love life.  

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Outfit for 11/27/12 - Mixing Patterns

Knit Top - No idea who made it - thrifted
Striped Top - Mosimo
Pants - Guess
Booties - Nine West

I really like this knit top.  I forget if I have shown any outfits with it already or not, but today I have paired it with an unusual top, the black and purple striped top I have on underneath it.  The knit top is really nice and I like it a lot.  The arms are extra long, which obviously helps to cover my arms, and they also go down to about half way down my hands, which also helps to hide them.  The thing that is concerning for me is the large gap, and I needed something to help cover up the top of the pants.  The striped top fit that bill perfectly.

I was a little concerned about the conflicting patterns that wearing both of the top together would produce, but upon trying them on together I really like the look.  Wearing them together makes me look extra skinny.

Speaking of which have I ever mentioned one of favorite blogs, Already Pretty?  I like Sal's take on things fashionable and body image wise.  I highly recommend a look at it, especially for the CD crowd.  I think we as a whole are often very unhappy with our bodies.  Sal and I both believe that the right clothes can help us to be more appreciative of what we have to work with.

Sorry for such long delays between postings.  I seem to have a bunch of in-progress projects at the moment and life seems to continue to be life, which is testing my abilities.

I hope you all are well.  Love Ya!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

How Difficult It Is

Every single outfit picture starts off full size, with my head included, but by the time it ends up on my site, they are all headless.  I have mentioned that I have found it easier to retain my anonymity but I don't know that for sure.  What I do know for sure is that I find it extremely difficult to be happy with the pictures of my face.  It is so easy to use clothes to get my body to appear more feminine but my face, alas, I struggle.

What is it?  Does my face look only male?  Does it not look feminine in anyway?  Or is it just the limitations of pictures?  A photo captures such a small piece of time and is so easily manipulated.  The angle of camera towards the subject, the lighting, the colors of the subject, the abilities of the camera processor, the variables of photographs are almost endless.

Recently I tried something that I do on occasion.  I took my camera and took about 50-100 photos of just my face.  I then had my wife take about another 50-100 photos, of primarily my face.  Here is my thoughts about this process.  A good photo comes from taking enough pictures, not about taking the best possible photo.

Thus I have found a few that I think I look good in.  And that feels good.  It allows me to be able to see myself in real life, more as though I see myself in my head.  Not that I see myself full time as a woman, but when I dress as a woman I would like see a woman looking back.  And occasionally, if I take enough photos, I can see that woman.

Take more pictures.  Love yourself more.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Outfit from Today Nov. 4th

Top - Merona
Skirt - Guess
Tights - Merona
Boots - Nine West

Today's outfit was inspired by my own thoughts about the last outfit post that I made.  Within that post I mentioned that I was wearing some of my favorite boots, but that they were covered by my jeans, which I liked and didn't like.  Today, I am doing something that I don't necessarily like, I am wearing boots with a skirt.  But the thing that makes it oh so much more appealing to me, are the black tights.  The tights allow for the look of the boot to carry up the leg to the skirt.

What I don't like about skirts and boots is the segmented look that they can create.  What I mean by that, is that you have the dark color of the boot, all of mine are black, the light color of the leg skin, and then the color of the skirt.  This turns the lower half of your body into three distinct segments.  This often has the effect of making the legs look shorter.  I don't know if it is true or not, but I feel as though my legs are shorter than I would like, and I try to make them look longer rather than shorter.  So by matching my boot color with my tights it makes my legs look longer.

You get the same effect by wearing a nude color heel with a skirt.  The shoe blends with your leg color and makes your legs look that much longer.

Today I wore this outfit to go shopping at Costco.  Wow, it was really crowded today for a Sunday morning  Oh well, I still got everything that I needed.

Okay, love ya!

Friday, October 26, 2012

What if a Duck Was a Crossdresser?

Now is the time of the year when a young trans thoughts turn to duck hunting.  Well maybe it is just my thoughts that turn to duck hunting? Can you tell I'm thinking of stuff other than cross dressing?  It's been a bit since I last took 11 days between posts.  Well, duck season opened here last Saturday and the missus and I have been out hunting.  We had a great first day out.

One funny thing about this blog is the number of visitors that I get that have looked up a picture of a duck.  I find it to be quite funny, having people search for duck hunting info, and then click on a link to this blog, and find it is about a cross dressing duck hunter.  Ha-Ha!  I suppose guys at the refuges would never suppose what goes on underneath my waders, HA-HA!  Okay, well maybe the nail polish gives me away a little.

On that note, last weekend I confirmed a strange theory.  Soaking your hands in water for an hour or two will easily remove gel nail polish.  Which I am happy about, but also quite bummed about.  I thought that I had the answer all figured out about how to keep the polish from chipping and my nails from breaking while I am hunting, but alas, gel polish is not the answer I was hoping it would be.  But it is a fairly easy, and non toxic way to remove the almost impossible to remove polish.

Gotta run, folks, job is a callin.

Love ya!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Outfit for October 15th

Jeans - Guess
White Top - Converse All Stars
Black Top - Merona
Boots - Nine West

Ah a lovely nice fall day.  It was in the 70s today while I was out and about.  Of course you know that these are my favorite pair of jeans.  The only thing I don't like about them is that they are so dang long, I have to make sure that I wear heels that are tall enough so that they do not drag on the ground.  But, can you see how they are lighter on the fronts and backs of them and darker on the sides, this helps give the illusion of my legs being much skinnier than they really are.

I do have a couple of general problems with jeans though.  One, I hate trying to tuck up and hide Mr. Happy.  I can do it, but generally it is bothersome to do it for more than say an hour or two.  But trying to go an entire day, of sitting, and standing and walking, ugh!  It becomes way too much for me.  So thus, if I want to wear jeans and be comfortable, then I half to wear some type of top that is long enough that it covers to front of my pants.  This often limits which tops I can wear, as not all of them are long enough to achieve this affect.

The other problem that I have with jeans, is that they cover up my great boots.  I really like wearing boots, and with jeans on, you can't even see them.  I love knowing that I have them on, but I don't get to show them off.  But the real problem is that I don't really like the look of boots with anything that shows them off.  I don't like how they look with skirts, of any length, or shorts.  So harumph!

I think I need to get over myself.  So thus it is not a problem with jeans, but I problem with me.  Okay, I'm done now.

So, what did I do while dressed?  Shopping today.  Boring shopping.  I returned something to Target, which was kind of funny to me, as I bought it as a guy and returned it as a girl.  I went to some other small shop and picked up a few things, and I went to Macy's.  Clinique has gift time now people, so go, go, go!  Myself, what did I get, nothing as the line was far too long!

Hope you are doing well.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Makeup - Eyes

 various shadows

I've been a little busy lately, but maybe I have been avoiding this makeup post as well.  I tend to spend the most amount of time on my eyes during my makeup routine and I tend to be quite disappointed with the results of my eyes.

I really like my eye color, it is kind of a green/blue that almost appears to change color in response to what I am wearing.  They are actually quite pretty.  So then why am I not happy with them?  I think mostly their shape.  I think that women have more almond shaped eyes while mens tend to be more rounded.  So I feel as though no matter what I do, my eyes never really look that feminine.  Which bugs!

Anywho - here is my eye makeup routine:

lid smoothie

First I apply a eye foundation from clinique, it is called lid smoothie.  This stuff provides a smooth base for me to apply the shadow on top of.  I really like this product as it helps to even out small eye wrinkles.  It also helps to hold the eye shadow color much longer than if I do not use it.  The other thing it does it to provide a slight shimmer wherever I place it.  I generally place it over my entire upper and lower lids.

After that I generally use a four color eye shadow palette.  I currently have several different manufacturers color palettes.  I have several from clinique, one from lancome, one from bobby brown, and several from maybeline.  Depending on my mood I will use anyone of them.  I tend to prefer colors that contrast from my own eye color.  So while I am drawn to blues and green, I normally wear earth tones.  This translate to lots of browns, greys, silvers, golds, blacks, and not much color at all, although occasionally I will do some pinks.  My wife on the other hands, with her gorgeous brown eyes looks great with almost the complete opposite colors that I wear.

With the four color palette, they will often come with some sort of directions on where to apply the different shades.  Clinique does this as well as lancome.  The directions that came with the lancome shadow were great! They were the best I have ever seen.  The makeup was also some of the most expensive I have ever purchased, but it was well worth it.  I would also like to mention that while I have shadows that cost less, the more expensive colors are richer and take less product to achieve the results that I prefer.

In general while using four colors, if you have them arranged from lighter to darker, like 1, 2, 3, & 4.  You would put #1 over the whole upper lid, up to your brow.  #2 would go on your upper lid, up to the crease line, where your lid folds.  #3 would go in the crease of your upper lids.  And lastly #4 would go in the outside corner of your eyes.

In between each application of color I will use a blending brush.  This is a rather large brush that helps to blend each color in with the other and makes it all look smoother.  While I am mentioning it, I have also invested in several really nice brushes.  I have about 3 or 4 clinique brushes that I use to assist in my shadow placement.

various liners

Okay, so after shadow, if I feel like it, normally at night only, I will apply some liner to either just the top lids or both the top and bottom.  With liners, I have sticks, liquids, and gels.  Each takes it's own learned skill level to apply it.  All I can say about this is, in my opinion less is more, and practice makes perfect.

a couple of mascaras

After liner, I will use an eyelash curler to curl my lashes.  I then will apply mascara.  With mascara, a trick my wife taught me, which seems very wasteful, but works wonders is to use a tissue to remove almost all of the product from the brush.  Then I can go over and over my lashes without it clumping on my lashes.  I have always thought it to be very wasteful, but it does work quite well.  Also with mascara, try and get as low on the lashes as possible.

Oh yea, one more thing I do for my eyes, I use a light brown shadow to fill in my eyebrows.  I have very light brows and if I don't do that step it looks almost as though I don't have brows.

Okay, I think that is it for my own personal eye routine.  Hmm... that wasn't that long, okay maybe it was.

Love Ya!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me

Well fellow netizens, it is yet again my birthday.  Hooray!  I am the grand ol age of 41 today.  I don't think I have ever mentioned how melancholy I am on my birthday, well I normally am, and today is of no difference.  

The reason for my melancholy, I think, has to do with growing up in my wonderful household.  I grew up with a father who yelled just about every single day of his life, demanding that he did not deserve to be treated like a PFC in his own home.  My birthday was no different.  Actually, any day that was supposed to be a special day, holidays, etc, always ended up with my dad yelling, my mom crying, and my sister and I trying to get out of the way

Another reason that I may be strange on my birthday is that I am adopted.  I was adopted at about three weeks of age.  I was not told that I was adopted until about the age of 8 or 9.  My sister told me.  I cried and cried.  I thought it was so sad.  Sad that I was not of my parents, nope, I was thrilled at that thought.  I was sad that I was not good enough for my real parents to keep me.  Well at least that was how I thought of it at the time.

Now  I know better.  Now I know that my bio-parents were selfish fucks.  I emailed with them both around 10 years ago or so.  They searched me out and found me.  The emailing lasted a few weeks with my bio-dad before I said good-bye forever to him.  My bio-mom I ended up meeting and things got really really weird before I said good-bye to her forever.  

So yea birthdays.  Hmmph!  The funny thing is I have never really had a problem with getting older.  I have actually liked getting older.  To me it has always been representative of me being able to be more responsible for myself.

Me for me.  That is what I like.  So I suppose that is a huge reason that I don't have my own children now.  But some advice, if you have kids.  Make them feel as though nothing else in your life matters like your children, because guess what, nothing else should matter.  If you are a parents, that is number one job.  I get to experience every day what the results are of parents not caring about their children.  Good luck to you procreators.

Love ya!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Makeup - Blush

Blush has never been one of my favorite things.  I used to not use it at all.  My problem with blush is that many people who use it, over use it.  This gave me the wrong impression of blush.  I kind of always thought that if you used it at all, it would leave you looking all rosy cheeked, which I personally think looks quite unnatural.  I also really don't like the swath of red swiped across many peoples cheeks.  This really is the one big item that I think makes many people look rather clownish.

Which is why I avoided it for so long.  But one time while visiting the makeup counter at Clinique, I inquired about proper blush usage. The fabulous artist that I spoke with quickly pulled out about 5 different shades of blush and began determining the correct shade for my skin tone and foundation color.  She figured out what to use and asked my permission before trying it my face.  I allowed her and she applied it, and taught me how to properly apply it as well.

It was neat when she used it, as she only did one side of my face.  This allowed me to see what it was like with it and without it.  On the side that she used it, my face looked normal.  It didn't look clownish, or streaked with pink.  The side without blush appeared very pale.  On the blush side of my face, I also noticed that I had nice cheekbones, while the non blush side I didn't especially notice my cheekbones at all.

So, if you can find the right shade of blush, it will really help accentuate your face in a very feminine way.  But if you use the wrong color, or use too much, you will look more like a clown.

What I do, is to swipe my brush on the blush, smile, and rub the apples of my cheeks, as well as up the side of my face towards my temples.  My wife describes it as placing it where the sun naturally hits your face.  I think of it as applying it where I turn red if I am embarrassed.  I also make sure to kind of swirl it about those areas and make sure it is not applied in just a paint brush type of swath.

Blush is something that I replace more often then I would prefer.  By putting my foundation on first, when I apply the blush to my first cheek, and then go back to the compact to apply more blush to the brush, it is unavoidable that the brush has picked up some of my foundation and then transfers it to the compact.  This eventually clogs up my blush and it does not apply to the brush very well after a while.

Okay, lots to say about such a small part of my makeup routine that takes a few seconds to apply!

Love Ya!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Makeup - Foundation

Possibly the most difficult part of my own makeup routine to do well is the foundation.  I am much better at it now than I ever used to be.  I think much of it has to do with the quality of the makeup I currently use as well as the instruction I have received and the practice I have done.

Initially I purchased my foundation at a local convenience store.  I probably purchased about 10 different types and colors of foundation before I decided that it was worth it for me to purchase something of a higher quality.  I wish that I had just gotten something better right from the start.  I could have saved myself a good deal of money had I done it that way.

Also I could have saved myself some money if I just went up to a cosmetic counter and asked them for their advice.  When I decided to start buying more expensive products I initially just ordered my foundation online.  I just guessed which color would look good on me.  I was wrong BTW.

It took me about 3 years of experimenting on my own to finally get up the courage to go up to an actual counter and ask them what I should get.  Once I did that, I became so much happier with my foundation.  Whenever I want a change or think I need a change I will now always go to the counter and get their opinion.

What I do now is:
- I use clinique redness solutions
      - this is applied with a brush, also from clinique
      - the lighter I apply it the better it looks, especially as I get older and get more wrinkles
      - I used to think with more wrinkles, more foundation is better, but less actually is
- after applying the base foundation I do a light dusting of clinique powder
      - this helps to set the liquid foundation and assist it in not smudging off
- lastly I generally blot my face with a tissue to remove some of what I put on
      - this helps it to look more natural
- also throughout the day
      - I never apply more
      - I use blotting paper to help soak up my excess face oils, which I seem to have a ton of!
      - blotting paper can be purchased all over the place now, mine is from clinique, but I have seen it at Sally's Beauty Supply

Oh in the picture is also a pore minimizer, but I don't even know when the last time I used that was.  Part of the problem with it it that it is too thick.  When my foundation is too thick my wrinkles show more instead of less.  Initially it covers them just fine, but when I move my face, the wrinkles lines just appear deeper.  So thus I prefer a really light foundation.

Okay, so there is my foundation routine!

Love Ya!

Monday, October 1, 2012

What a Mess of Makeup

This is the pile of makeup once I emptied it from my makeup case.  I don't happen to have a picture of said makeup case, but I will let you know that it is large.  Very large.  I personally hate having all of my stuff jammed into a way too small space.  I don't like like knowing that I have a particular eye liner for instance, and then having to scrounge through all of my items searching desperately for it.  I am one of those types of people that like to have a place for everything and have everything in its place.  For me it comes down to, I hate not knowing that I have something and not being able to find it.  Thus if I keep things in their places I will always be able to find it when I go look for it.

Anyways.  Things had become too out of place within my giant makeup case and I knew it was time to empty it out, reorganize, and replace my things.  I highly recommend that all of you do the same with your makeup also.  This is also a great time to go through and get rid of items that have been kept for far too long.   You will want to keep in mind that makeup has a shelf life.  It will not last forever.  Even if you only use it occasionally, it will still go bad.

Here is a general guideline:
General period after opening is:
Perfumes, perfume, edp – up to 3 years;
Powders (including blush, eyeshadows powdery texture) – 1 to 3 years;
Foundation in a jar or a cream powder – 1 to 3 years;
Liquid tone means (in tubes or jars with dispenser) – 1 year;
Nail polish – 1 year;
Sun cosmetics – 1 year (but no more than one season);
Lipstick, lip gloss – 1 year;
Pencil (Eye, Lip) – about 1 year;
Skin care products (hydrating cosmetics, wrinkle, eye contour) in a sealed packet with the pump – about a year, in a jar – from 6 to 10 months;
Solid eyeliner and eyebrow pencil – from 6 to 8 months;
Bronzing – 6 months;
Mascara – 3-6 months;
Liquid eyeliner – from 3 to 4 months;

In my experience those times listed are good approximations.  I have noticed that the more money I originally paid for my makeup items, the longer it lasts.

While I am in the process of organizing and discarding/replacing my makeup I thought I would take the next few posts and go more in depth about specific makeup methods that I personally use.

I will first mention that I first started buying all of my makeup from Target or Walmart or Rite-Aide or some such place.  This got me started down the path of makeup but never left me feeling satisfied.  I only started feeling good about my makeup once I got over myself and went to a department store and got advise and products from the makeup experts working there.

Yes I have been to a makeup counter, dressed as woman, with no makeup on at all.  I just walked up to the counter and asked if they had time to give me a make over.  The ladies have never turned me down.  Come on, think about it, these are people that work on commission.  Do you think they don't want your money because you are a man in a dress.  Hardly!  People love money!  I know I do.

But if you would rather not go as a woman, then go in as a man.  I have done this as well.  Specifically I went in dressed as a man and got a new foundation.  This is a must do!  The rest of the stuff you can kind of figure your way around.  But a good foundation that matches your personal skin tone takes some expertise to find. So if nothing else gentlemen, go do that.  The lady that helped me, didn't think twice about helping me with it.  It was almost as if she had done it hundreds of times before, and maybe she had.

Okay, gotta run.

Love ya!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

I Really Like Embroidered Clothes

Top - Merona
Skirt - The Limited
Shoes - New York Transit

I found this skirt while thrift store shopping around California.  There are a couple of things that drew me to it.  One is that the waistband is elastic, thus no zippers or buttons to fail.  The second thing, and more importantly to me, it is embroidered.  This is something that I can often find on women's clothes, but rarely find on any men's clothes.  There are a couple of male work shirts that I have that are embroidered and I really enjoy wearing those as well as my female clothes that are embroidered.  I find well done embroidery to exude femininity.

Here is a close up of the embroidery on this skirt.

In this outfit I am also wearing the green top that has a wrap around portion for the bust of it.  I like this type of top as it helps to give a little boost to those of us that are a little small of breast.

If you are curious I chose this outfit to go shopping at Costco.  I'm not sure how great the shoes were for Costco shopping, but I had a hard time finding a good pair of shoes to wear with this skirt.  Now more than ever I totally understand the need to have about a hundred pairs of shoes.

Hope you are doing well!

Love Ya!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Fetish? I Think it May be a Bit More Complex

People of all sexes have the right to explore femininity, masculinity—and the infinite variations between—without criticism or ridicule.
Leslie Feinberg

Is that too much to ask?

Before I ever started blogging, I never really bothered with reading blogs about trans anything.  I read plenty of fashion blogs.  And maybe now I wish I had stayed an ignorant fool.

As I have stated elsewhere in my blog, I personally have been the recipient of rude behavior while dressed as a woman, maybe once or twice.  What I have observed is that the general public is not interested in what I am doing nearly as much as they are concerned with what people think about what they are doing.

But honestly I am sickened by the utter hatred I have read from what I consider to be my own group of people.  What group is that you may ask?  Well personally I would prefer to be a group of one, but that doesn't really make much of a group does it?  The group is the spectrum of gender within which I find myself.

I kind of had this idea that if someone else didn't really seem to fit into the binary system of male or female that maybe that kind of bonded us all together.  But what I am slowly realizing is that it doesn't.

Apparently I find myself in a group of well hated people, the lowly cross dresser.  Hated by who?  Apparently hated by other people who are truly _______  I don't know what they are, but apparently I am not what they are.  Why?  Because I will not cut off my penis and attempt to look as physically complete as a woman as I can.

One attack I read recently compared a cross dresser's looks to that of a donkey's ass.  Another blog I have read states that all cross dressers are simple fetishists.

A donkey's ass?  Okay, maybe not a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, but a donkey's ass?  Hardly.  To this wonderful blogger I will simply say, have you looked the general public in the face, and then checked to see if they have a penis or a vagina?  I think not.  You might be surprised on who has what.

To the conjecture that if you do not cut off your dick you are suffering from a simple fetish, have you bothered to look up a definition of the word, rather than creating your own because it suits you to insult others?  Well here is that definition for those that are google deficient.



  [fet-ish, fee-tish]  Show IPA
an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment orhabitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence,respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.
Psychology any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

Why don't you come live in my pumps for awhile?  Not a single one of those definitions define me.

I will bite my tongue.  I will not link to those wonderful pages I have mentioned.  I will not spread hatred to whom I consider to my brethren.  What I will say is, if we can't count on others who have experience within the beautiful spectrum that is gender how can any of us expect the truly ignorant to be understanding.

I understand that just because I don't understand you and your choices, I don't get to belittle you as a living being on this infinitesimally small speck of dust called Earth.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Another Movie, Another Outfit

Top - Guess 
Skirt - Guess
Shoes - Aerosoles
Necklace - Target
Bracelet - Thrifted

Hey, surprise, I'm wearing all Guess again.  Honestly I try on other clothes besides Guess, but there clothes just fit so wonderfully and are so wonderfully flattering to my body.  The top is pretty basic, but it has a nice deep cut V neck.  It also has buttons so that I may show more or less cleavage.  For today, I have it opened fairly far and it shows quite a bit of my boobs.  Not too far that it becomes obscene, but far enough that it really helps to emphasize the little that I do have to show.

The skirt is nice and stretchy.  It hugs my hips and cuts in on my legs, which helps to emphasize my hips and makes them look bigger.  It also helps that my top is somewhat tight and cuts in at the skinniest point on my torso.  The other thing about this skirt that helps my hips to look bigger is the horizontal stripes.  Many girls will want to avoid the horizontal stripes if you have larger hips and are not wanting to emphasize them.  I on the other hand have near nonexistent hips and want them to appear as large as possible.

Okay, for something that I don't like about this outfit, the arms and shoulders.  The picture that I chose shows what I find to be large shoulders and arms.  I often like to de-emphasize my arms and shoulders but the day I wore this it was predicted to be about 100 degrees, so I thought I would go with something I little bit weather appropriate.  So I dealt with my arms being out.  Oh well!  I still think I look good.

So, what movie did Jules and I see?  We went to see the next Resident Evil movie, Retribution.  It was okay.  I kind of liked them more when there were more zombies in them.  This one was not really about the zombies so much as the corporation that is responsible for the zombies.  I still enjoyed the show.

Okay, gotta run.  Ooh, hopefully soon I will be getting a better internet connection.  I have signed up for Excede satellite service.  Now I am just waiting for them to come install it.  If you don't already know, I live out in the country and my options for internet service, SUCK!  Sorry for yelling, but it is so bad, it is the number one thing I hate about where I live.  Possibly the only thing I truly hate about where I live.

Love ya!  

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Results of Coming Out

A couple of months ago I let you know that while camping near the above pictured spot, I informed one of my colleagues and her husband, M & C, that I like to fully dress up as a woman.  I talked about it in this post.  At the time I wasn't 100% sure about how M would handle it.  But she handled it very well at the time, but I knew then that the true test of things would be how she handled herself in the future.  Its one thing for someone to say they are fine with me cross dressing but it is another for them treat me the same way as they always have.

Well now that a few months have passed I can tell you that M has changed how she acts towards me.  She is funner.  Our relationship is better than it has ever been.  I feel much more relaxed around her and she appears more relaxed around me.

For example, last night Jules and I had a party where about 10 people or so had shown up, M and C being one of the couples.  During the party Jules and I were cooking up a bunch of finger foods out of the duck we shot last season.  Everybody got really full but we were not done with what we were wanting to cook.  One of the dishes is a deep fried duck with honey sauce on it.  It is so yummy.  I insisted that I needed to have at least some it, so I started the process of cooking it.

At some point while cooking it, M came in and got something more to drink.  Several other people were in the kitchen at the time and M came up to me and said something along of the lines of "I don't know how you keep that girlish figure of yours while eating so much."  Nobody paid any special extra attention to what she said, but I could see the little glimmer in her eyes as she walked away.

I laughed in my head as the rest of the party conversation continued on around me and I kept cooking the next dish.

Thought I'd share.

Love Ya!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Love the Skirt!

Top - Guess
Skirt - Guess
Shoes - Report

I may have shown this outfit before today, but I love, love, love it!  The skirt is the greatest.  I bought it not too long ago as a replacement to a similar skirt that I own and really like.  The older skirt was wearing out because the zipper was dying.  It really frustrated me because I love the fit of the skirt and everything was fine with the skirt except for the zipper.  I put the skirt away into my 'to be altered' pile.  But then the last time I visited the outlet mall, Guess had this skirt for sale.  And the thing that I love the most about this skirt, as opposed to my older one, there is no zipper!  Yea!  No zipper to wear out, ever!

The skirt itself fits very nicely as it is a pencil skirt made out of some stretchy fabric that I can just pull up my hips.  I really like the look of a pencil skirt on someone with not very big hips.  With the skirt hugging in at the knees it really makes one look as though they have nice sized hips.  Hips are a difficult thing to comfortably fake with padding so I love it when my clothes give the illusion of hips without large amounts of padding.

This outfit is also good looking on me as the top shows off my cleavage quite well.  Almost too much as a matter of fact.  This particular day, Jules and I were planning on doing some shopping at Macy's, TJ Maxx, and going to a movie.  Once I was fully dressed and I looked at my boobs in the mirror, I almost changed the top as I kind of thought too much boob was showing. But I left it that way, and really enjoyed my look.

Oh, BTW can you tell I got a new laptop.  Yeah, I didn't think it would be obvious.  But I did get a new one.  I finally have left Windows Vista in the past and have upgraded to a Windows 7 machine.  I got an Dell Inspiron ultrabook. and I love it.  I might love the skirt more though!

Love you!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Conquering my Fears One Outfit at a Time

Pants - Guess
Black Top - Converse One Star
White and Black Striped Top - Guess
Shoes - New York Transit

I like the outfit pictured above, when it is cool enough for me to wear it.  It has been so dang hot lately and on this night I happened to be in Las Vegas.  At night, I think it got down to the low 90s.  But inside the casino, they had the air conditioner blowing hard and it was quite cool.  I decided to wear my favorite pants.

I like these pants, because they are very long and they make my legs look great.  Whenever I wear them, I have to wear a certain size heal for them to not drag on the floor as I walk.  The shoes I have on, are just barely tall enough to keep my pants off the ground.

With this outfit I also have one of my go to shirts on.  The black top is a very strategic garment for me.  First off, the arms are longer and they help to hide my larger arms.  Wearing a top like that helps me to feel more relaxed ass it is one less very obvious tell that I can cover up.  The other thing I like about this top is that it just barely covers my crotch.  This allows for me to not have to wear any special undergarments, or do anything special with Mr. Happy.  The shirt cover the barely noticeable extra bits in my pants.

This outfit made me feel very comfortable, which I was looking for as on this evening I decided to face another one of my fears.  It appears to me that if I have never done something before while dressed as a girl I have a notion that I can't do it while dressed as a girl.

This particular evening I decided that I wanted to go down to the casino and play roulette.  My wife and I like to play for fun.  We gamble responsibly, for anyone that really cares.  But I have great fears when I choose to dress as a girl and put myself into new situations that I need to directly interact with the public.  I have had more than one person on this blog that has let me know that they think I get to do what I do in public as I can readily pass as a GG.  To me, nothing could be further from the truth.  Maybe I can pass, at a glance.  But a longer look allows anyone who cares to see, that I am clearly a guy dressed as a girl.  Besides, even if people can't tell from my looks, they can certainly tell from my voice.

For me to go out, dressed as a girl, and interact directly with the public, such as a dealer and other players at a roulette table, was pretty intimidating before I did it.  The long and the short of it, is that it again, was no big deal.  I just went and did my thing, and it went just as good as it ever has.  And bummer for me, no dressing as a girl did not bring me any luck on this particular evening.  I broke evening while Jules lost about $100.

Love ya!

Face your fears!!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Crossdresser as Selfish?

It has taken quite some time to formulate my thoughts about what Paula, from Paula's Place, commented on my wife's post, and then began a discussion on Crossdressers Forum, so I'm sorry for the tardiness of this post.  Anyways here is what she had to say:

"...I suspect that we cross dressers are a pretty selfish self absorbed bunch..." 

I believe that there is nothing about crossdressing that makes the act inherently selfish in and of itself.  What I think makes many of us think that it is a selfish act is that we have many people in our lives that do not want us to crossdress.  They express their desires to not have us do what we would like to do.  The people that ask us to not crossdress are often the most important people in our lives, our spouses.  We love, respect, and want to please these people, and yet we cannot rid ourselves of the desire to crossdress and so continue on with what many people consider to be an abomination.

It is this conflict that manifests itself as selfishness.  If there were no conflict, there would be no selfishness.  For example, if you told your spouse you wanted to crossdress and they said, 'oh my god, I was so hoping you would tell me that because I always thought you would look great in my favorite little black dress,' would it be considered selfish if you then began wearing that dress?  I don't think anybody would think that it was.

But that is generally not ever what happens when someone tells their spouse of their crossdressing desires.  What I assert happens is that their spouse tells them that it is wrong and tells them they do not want them to do it.  Isn't that the beginning of the selfish blame game?

They are the ones who begin the selfishness, by telling us they do not want us to do it, and further that they will not accept us if we do it.  If we tell them that we will continue we then become the selfish ones.  When they tell their friends of what we are doing, their friends tell them that indeed their spouse is being very selfish in continuing to do something that they hate.

If we do not acquiesce to their demands we are labeled as selfish.  Why are our desires any more selfish than their desires?  Could it be because we are the ones that are doing something that is seen as aberrant?

When we say that we love someone, what does that mean?  Will we only love someone as long as they will only do what we want them to do?  Or do we love the actual person?

Cartoon from - Mimi and Eunice

Monday, August 13, 2012

Never Divorced but Married Twice

Wedding day 2005

Today is the 7th anniversary of when my wife married me as Nadine.   It was a completely symbolic thing mind you, but it was still very beautiful and highly remembered by both of us.  At the time that it occurred, our actual marriage seemed ready to fall apart. 

Jules and I have always deeply loved each other but have also always had a very difficult time of getting along.   Maybe you are familiar with the Eminem lyrics:

“maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano”
-Eminem – Love The Way You Lie

That is a fairly good description of our relationship.  Actually have you ever heard the whole song?  If you have, the whole thing gives a pretty good picture of Jules and me.

Maybe a brief overview of our relationship up to this point would be good.  Jules and I first met when we were about 8 or 9 years old.  We swam on the same team.  We began to date when we were fifteen.  We got married at 25 and are still together now at 40.  It is honestly amazing to the both of us that we are still together.  We both agree that it has been the best and yet the hardest thing we have ever done.

We have both been highly emotional and very passionate about our beliefs.  It generally seems as though neither one of us is ever interested in backing down and changing our opinions.  Possibly the one thing that has saved us is our abilities to be highly vocal about our stances.  To be honest, it has probably kept us together but all of our neighbors have probably hated us as they get to participate in our arguments also as we are very loudly vocal.

The summer that Jules and I remarried each other we had been have some real knock down drag out fights.  If you don’t know already my basic life philosophy is to face my fears and Jules’ philosophy is to act like she does not have any fears.   From my perspective, if you face your fears you can watch and laugh as they dissipate before your eyes.  It takes that leap of faith.  Jules has always had a difficult time with that leap.  This has often left a giant chasm between us and many times it almost ruined us.

And so it was in the summer of 2005 that I found myself wishing desperately for Jules to come to me and try and save our marriage by asking me to marry her as Nadine.  I felt as though it was important for Jules to marry all of me, at least in a symbolic gesture of full acceptance of me.  I still wish that I could say that she came to me and in a very heartfelt manner asked me to marry her.

But alas, that is not our reality.  Reality is that I insisted that she do it if she was interested in trying to save our marriage.  I am very thankful that she did do it.  I love her all the more because she was willing to do it.
I had foolishly hoped though that it would immediately change our lives for the better.  Over the last seven years our difficulties have continued but in reflection that year, 2005, was in many ways the worst that things ever were for us.

Since that time things have progressively gotten better and better for us.  Recently, as in the past few months, I have really had a change in heart over how I deal with Jules.  What I try my best now to realize is that I am a highly insecure person and I wish that I had her there always supporting me.  This has caused a great deal of anger within me and I have always tried to use that anger as a weapon to get my way.  It is true that in many ways the way that I have handled myself has brought both of us to this point in our lives, but I can’t help but think that it would have gotten here a lot sooner if I had been different. 

I am the only person that I can force to do anything.

Have you heard the quote:
A person changed against their will
Is of the same opinion still

Very true people.  At least for me.

Love Ya!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Flip Book Outfit Creator

While doing the outfit portion of my July challenge I discovered a big difficulty with putting my outfits together, I couldn't actually look at all of clothes in a very efficient manner.  Most of my clothes are stored in the drawers of my dresser, as shown in this post, and they obviously stacked on top of each other.  If I want to see what I have I used to have to pull out almost all of my clothes just to see what I have.  Now all I do is to flip through the pictures of my clothing items.

I told my wife of my idea and she decided to join me.  We posted up some white paper on the wall, set the camera on the tripod, put on a clothing item, and took a picture.  It did not take nearly as long as we thought it would.

After we were done we printed them out, cut them, and organized them.  I chose to put them together into these groups: dresses, tank tops, tops, bottoms, and shoes.  This is what they look like:


Tank Tops:




What I will then do is to find something I would like to wear and flip through the other books and find something that I think will go with it.  I often try to find a few different options that will work together.  This is what it look like when I put them together.

In total it took probably about 4 to 5 hours to put everything together.  Now that it is done it has helped greatly in me being to put together a variety of outfits which have utilized all the clothes that I own and not just the ones that happen to be in the top of the drawers.

Love Ya!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

How to Remove Gel Nails or Reverse Gender Dysphoria

Part A:
I love the nail job that you can see pictured in the photo above.  I got it about a week ago at a local salon while dressed as a guy.  I got a gel nail polish put on and I asked if they could do a french tip in gels and they said yes!!  Woo-Hoo!!

It takes about an hour for the gel polish to be repeatedly layered and cured, with a UV lamp, which gets quite hot btw.  If you get a good stylist to work on you the end results are unbelievably great!  They look smoking hot and they are near indestructible.  The nails in the picture above are shown after a week, doing things like digging in the garden and pulling up weeds, not a chip to be seen; pretty cool huh?

The only problem with them is getting that darn lovely stuff off of your nails.  My first bit of advice to you on the process is, if you need to get it off in a hurry, you are screwed.

Method one-
- soak cotton balls in acetone
- place cotton balls on nails
- wrap nails in tinfoil
- leave for 15-20 minutes
- use plastic scraper to gently scrape polish off nails

Method two-
- soak finger nails in small bowl of acetone for about 15-20 minutes
- use plastic scraper to gently scrape polish off nails

Method three-
- sand tops of nails with a coarse file

- soak finger nails in small bowl of acetone for about 15-20 minutes
- use plastic scraper to gently scrape polish off nails

Method four-
- go see a professional

When I removed the polish from my nails above it took me about 90 minutes total, and it was not my first  rodeo people.

Part B:
Reverse GD.  Please keep in mind that I have spent a sum total of 1 hour of my life in a therapists office (I went with my family one time, which did not go so well.) So I know nothing of what I speak other than my brief readings on others blogs.  Much of my life I have had waves of desire flood over me, compelling me to do a variety of things normally reserved for women.  Once I stopped trying to ignore them and began surfing them as I do currently I noticed something else.

Like many  I have often pondered the idea that maybe I should have been born a girl.  I like a lot of traditionally feminine things.  It would be a pretty big, involved, glorious list, if I were to make it.  I think that these thoughts were part of what scared me about trying to paddle out into the surf in the first place.  But "lucky" for me I was able to face my fears.

What this has created is who I am today.  And today I just took off my nail polish after about two or three months.  More significantly maybe is that I cut my nails way back to totally normal guy male length.  This was brought about primarily because of work concerns but also because within the last couple of weeks I have had extremely strong reverse feelings.  Instead of dreaming of having long pretty awesomely painted nails, I was dreaming of having short little unpainted nails.

And now I have them.  Oh and how I missed them.  I so missed them.  I missed being able to type with the speed I am currently and not have pain in the ends of my finger tips.  I enjoy being able to dry my ears with a piece of tissue without jabbing myself with my killer dagger nails.  I will also appreciate not having to worry about viciously but confidently scratching the hell out of myself.

So reverse gender dysphoria?  I honestly don't know.  I just know it's always the same.  The grass always seems greener over on the next hill, but I'm afraid to try.  I face my fears, try it out, and then think, hmm... maybe the other way is better after all and then I mosey on back to where I came from.

Love ya!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

An Outfit & Final Tally On My July Challenges

Top - Guess
Pants - Guess
Shoes - New York Transit

I got an opportunity to wear jeans the other day as it was cool enough where we were.  Of course I wore my favorite pair of jeans.  I think I wore this outfit out to dinner.  This particular evening we stayed at a casino in the San Diego area and were eating at the buffet.  The food was okay but the decadence of it all was fabulous!

To recap what I challenged myself to do for the month of July:
             1 - two outfits per day - and use them to create an outfit binder
             2 - do my eye makeup everyday - documented in the outfit binder
             3 - practice putting on eyeliner everyday - documented in the outfit binder
             4 - exercise every morning and every night
             5 - a compromise with smoking cigarettes - no smoking before 8 pm and then only 1 - 5 times

Well how did I do?
             1 - I did this almost everyday.  I ended up with 79 outfits in my binder!!!
             2 - I also did this almost everyday.  I got 30 pictures of my eyes.
             3 - I also did this almost everyday.
             4 - This one I was less successful on; I probably have a 75% success rate.
             5 - Uhh, nope totally blew this one.

In the end I am fairly happy with myself.  I think I put too much on my list and in the future I think I will concentrate on one thing at a time.

I am really happy with the results of my outfit binder.  I used it to help me pack more efficiently for our last trip.  I took pictures of my outfits with me on my iPad and then had a clear idea of what I had with me to wear.  I also like the pictures of my eye makeup, but I should have taken better notes about what I did to document it better.  Overall I am pleased with my exercise routine.  I did more walks and yoga then I have in a long time.  More importantly I maintained my weight while eating a bunch a crap this month.  If you are interested in my weight, I am currently 156lbs and am 5'9".  Pretty good huh?

Smoking - well I blew that challenge, but in all honesty I don't think my heart was in the from the start.  I am not going to give up on this one, but I don't know yet when I am going to try again, maybe next week actually.  I'll let you know.

Another thing that I think these challenges did was to prompt me to do some other things.  I emailed my friend B about this website.  I also talked with both M and C about my crossdressing, which was rather unexpected.  These three people were also the first people outside of my wife and my sister that I have told. Another thing is that I created a clothes flip card device to help with choosing outfits.  I'll share more about my flip cards later.

Okay, too much already, gotta go!

Love ya!