I tried writing about this the other night and things just did not seem to come out very well. Let's see if things go better now.
I've always been very torn about what I choose to do. In the past when I have decided that I will not explore crossdressing I have been very unhappy. But it is weird in that when I do choose to crossdress I have also been unhappy.
I think that my unhappiness has come from not knowing who or what I am. If I could just choose one thing or the other then I could just go for that one thing and then decide to be happy, but if I don't know what I want then I have just felt sort of lost. I've had kind of a tough time coming to the realization of what I want.
And what is that magical mysterious thing that I want? I want to do what I have been doing. Which is doing both. I know now that I am happy being me. Happy being both.
Life is too short people. Too short.