Saturday, November 13, 2010

Crossdesser or Transexual?

While sitting in a pedicure chair today getting my nails done I was killing time on my blackberry.  I happened to look up a site I had bookmarked some time ago Now maybe I am just being picky about what I consider to be a particular definition but I think Vanessa Law is misrepresenting crossdressers.  I consider a crossdresser to be someone who is male and dresses as a female or a female who dresses as a male, hence the term cross-dresser.  The post I read today is about how Vanessa has made the choice to live full time as a woman.  I think this is absolutely wonderful for Vanessa and I say more power to her and I am impressed with her decision to go for something that has got to be terribly difficult.  Good for her.  My only concern is that I think of Vanessa as a her, and thus if she is dressing as a she, there is no crossdressing going on.  Thus from the beginning, Vanessa was probably not a crossdresser but rather an unrealized transexual.  What I consider to be a transexual is someone who changes the gender they are and lives as the other gender full time.  Someone who lives and dresses exclusively as a single gender is not a crossdresser.  They are not cross-dressing they are dressing as a single gender, not two.  

This is only a concern for myself as I have tried to explain to my wife why I do not think she needs to worry about me changing genders and becoming a woman full time.  So I have gotten books like My Husband Betty ( ), uhh,.... not a good idea considering that crossdresser eventually went woman full time and that Vanessa Law has a website called crosssdresser heaven and has now decided to live as a woman full time.  Okay now people, these are not crossdressers.  In the book about Betty, Helen Boyd says that she did not know that her husband was going to live full time as a woman, but to me it was clear that was his desire, even though the book is her words not his, I knew he wanted to be a woman full time because she made it obvious that there wasn't really anything about being a man that Betty enjoyed.  Betty got her enjoyment from life as a woman.  Now maybe this is how Helen made it sound and she misrepresented Betty, but I do believe she tried to give an honest, up front, straight up representation of the crossdresser in her life. Or more correctly the person who called themselves a crossdresser because they were too afraid, embarrassed, confused, unsure, in denial about, etc to admit what they have probably known for most of their lives - they are a transexual.

Look, women, here is a good hint for you all, your man is a crossdresser if he enjoys dressing as both genders and enjoys things about experiencing life as being either gender.  If he seems as though he is only happy dressing as a woman; if he appears to only be happy pretending to be a woman; if he spends all of his extra time dressed as a woman; if there is nothing he likes about being a man, then I will unfortunately need to be the one to tell you, most likely he wants to be a woman full time.  It may be he may never go through with it or it may be that he may tell you this tonight when you come home.

I will say again, I am a crossdresser because I enjoy being able to present myself as either gender.  I kind of look at it as I often get bored with presenting myself as a man full time.  But I also get bored with presenting myself as a woman full time.  There are many things I enjoy about being dressed as a woman.  But there are also many things I enjoy about being dressed as a man.  I enjoy BOTH as well as disliking BOTH at times.  I personally consider this type of person to be called a crossdresser or a transvestite.  

You know the one thing I definitely do not have is a woman trapped inside me.  That has always been a very funny thought to me.  Like I have a little woman jumping up and down inside of me screaming "Ahhhh.... let me out of here!!!!"  Okay maybe some guys feel that way, but I personally always find that image to be amusing.


  1. My sentiments exactly.

    If I ever wrote my own blog it may be called the Happy Crossdresser. My view is that crossdressing is something that I

    When I golf I am a bit of a comedy act on the course. Speeding down a ski hill is exciting. I have not been offered my own cooking show.

    Cross dressing is something that I enjoy is not the be all means of defining all that I am.


  2. Hi Nadine,

    I just recently found your blog and decided to read it from the beginning an now I am here and would like to know if things have changed since this entry.

    The reason I ask is that I could have written this five years ago, and now I have a hard time containing my feminine self, to the point where I am seeking counseling for gender dysphoria.

    I would also like to say that I love your nails in the pic at the top of the page!


    1. Hi Jenn, thanks for commenting!

      Hmmm... Have things changed? Let me go back and reread this post for a moment...okay, done.

      Things have not really changed much, except for maybe becoming more comfortable with the mixture of genders that I am. I have changed in that I don't really like labels so much anymore. I am fine with referencing myself as a cross dresser but I often dislike the image that puts into others heads. I suppose if I am going to get "new agey" I might say I like the word "genderfluid."

      I hope that counseling can help you to deal with your gender dysphoria. I suppose someone may say that I have that at times, but it honestly sways back and forth for me, it's not exclusively me wanting to be female. But I have only been able to recognize that the more that I allow myself to dress fully as a woman and live for day after day doing it. At some point, inside of me, I start longing to be dressed as a man. It's kind of strange but that is possibly the best explanation I have ever been able to articulate.

      Thanks again!